22-year-old refuses to surrender her first $2.5k paycheck to her family, against cultural tradition: ‘[I need] to protect my own survival’

Author image for Lana DeGaetano
Lana DeGaetano • "Show me to me please."
Jan 16, 2026 7:00 PM EST

Do you remember your first job? The start of your long career in a certain field, perhaps? Were you filled with excitement? Dread? A little bit of both?

You were probably counting down the days to receiving your first paycheck. You've never seen that kind of money in your entire life (aside from Mom and Dad's checking accounts). You can't believe that this amount of capital is yours, and only yours. Is this what millionaires feel like?

That first paycheck feeling is unforgettable. You can finally move out of your parents' home, make a living, and decorate your new place the way that you want. Forget about everyone else's opinions; you decide what you do from this point onward. Well, that is, unless your family demands your first paycheck because of a cultural tradition.

We're not an authority on what certain cultures can and can't do, but it's safe to say that the woman new to the workforce is justified in refusing to cough up her first paycheck to her family, especially because she lives on her own and needs it to pay bills. Save for the fact that the woman has a dental procedure and no medical benefits, she has every single reason not to give her paycheck away. There are several ways to honor one's family, but this woman refuses to do so monetarily. What would you do if you were put in this situation? Scroll to read.

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  • 01
    a woman sitting at a table counting money with a calculator
    via Karolina Grabowska For Unsplash+

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02

    "AITA for hesitating to give most of my first salary away even though it’s a tradition"

    1 (22F) just started working in Singapore, i landed this job in December. I'm currently on probation and earning 2.5k a month.
    via One_Success_4154
  • 03
    , Most of my expenses are pretty fixed like rent, food, and transport, etc. My job requires me to take public transport a lot, so my transport alone is like 200$ last month which I can't really cut.
    via One_Success_4154
  • 04
    On top of that, I still have about 20k in study loans, paying back around 300$ per month plus like 70-80 interest.
    via One_Success_4154
  • 05
    I also borrowed around 1k from a relative for my flat deposit, which I'm trying to pay back too.
    via One_Success_4154
  • 06
    My main goal right now is just to clear these debts as fast as I can so they don't cling on me forever.
    via One_Success_4154

  • As you can see, the woman is drowning in multiple debts. Starting your adult life with debt feels like starting life backwards. You do everything in your power to land a high-paying job, but in return, you're stuck paying thousands of dollars each year toward loans that you needed to get to where you are. Though frustrating, it is just the way of the world.

     

  • 07
    I lowkey get the social Qs and the tradition, but it feels q unfair for my first salary to basically vanish, especially since this is literally my first month of working.
    via One_Success_4154
  • 08
    They say it's about respect and not losing face with relatives, but I'm scared that if I give what I have now, I won't have any money left for emergencies.
    via One_Success_4154
  • 09
    I even thought of giving a small thoughtful gift instead, but it got mocked as "too small," which lowkey made me tear up.
    via One_Success_4154
  • 10
    Also, my younger sibling left for another country to study, and my mom wants me to help partially too, which I get, but honestly that's not the main thing making me sad since I can manage to pay after a few months of working.
    via One_Success_4154
  • 11
    It's the "must give back first salary pressure". I'm super frugal with myself too. Like in 4 years in Singapore I've bought maybe 3-4 outfits max.
    via One_Success_4154
  • 12
    I don't even buy stuff I like/need most of the time. Even my manager who i got close at work asked why I haven't bought/changed to new shoes since I got my first salary and year end sales are on going.
    via One_Success_4154
  • 13
    I just said I'm saving to fix my teeth (which is true, I received a dental procedure last week and no I don't have medical benefits from my company yet since it's probation period) I'm lowkey stuck between wanting to be a good child and keeping up with social expectations and needing to protect my own survival and financial stability at the very start of my career.
    via One_Success_4154
  • 14
    a woman sitting in a dentist chair with a dentist during a procedure
    via Andrej Lišakov For Unsplash+

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 15
    AITA for feeling stressed about being expected to give my first salary when I got almost no flexibility in my finances?
    via One_Success_4154
  • 16
    edit: Yes, I have left home 3-4 years ago (from Myanmar) to here to study and work here as there's a military coup ongoing there sadly.
    via One_Success_4154
  • 17
    LCJ75 That tradition likely came from when the child was living at home when their first paycheck came. If that was the case they really had no expenses. You are not living at home or even in the same country. And help your sister!!?? No disrespect to other cultures, but some of these old customs need to go. They are no longer viable.
    via LCJ75
  • 18
    One_Success_4154 Exactly I get where and how the elder generation people are coming from, but what I feel is that they are insisting js bc they want to show that they raised me well, it's like they don't want our relatives to think that I'm cutting them off as soon as I got my job typeshit. I'm alrdy stressing about performing well during my probation period, and now with the news that my sibling might need my help too, it just feels like everything is piling on at once. I'm really exhausted men
    via One_Success_4154
  • 19
    naraic- If Momma wants homage she can clear your student loans. If they didnt get you where you are then you dont have to pay.
    via naraic-
  • 20
    Mayor Defacto I'd just tell them your landlord already claimed your first salary.
    via Mayor__Defacto
  • 21
    Tricky-Wrap-2578 NTA. Tell them you don't have it. Ask them if they can send you some money to help with current expenses. That'll make them stop real quick. You are an individual, not an investment vehicle.
    via Tricky-Wrap-2578

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family drama money problems new job career family money
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