Optional PTO donation program leads to tension after employee refuses to donate his hours to coworker he barely knows: 'My boss pulled me aside and said it looks bad'

Author image for Isabella Penn
Isabella Penn
Jan 20, 2026 5:00 PM EST

A benefit meant to help employees during tough times has become a source of discomfort for one longtime worker. The man, 32, has worked at his company for six years and saved about 120 hours of paid time off. He recently became the focus of an office dispute after he chose not to donate any of his hours to a coworker he hardly knows.

The company has a PTO donation program where employees can give unused hours to coworkers in need. Human resources sent an email asking for donations for a woman in accounting who had used up her PTO and needed more time off for unspecified "personal reasons." Many employees gave a little, but the man decided not to join in.

His choice soon got noticed. One coworker, who was very outspoken about the fundraiser, asked him how many hours he would give. When he said he wasn't donating, she seemed surprised and asked why. He explained that he didn't know the employee or her situation and wanted to keep his PTO for himself. She did not like his answer.

At the next team meeting, the coworker mentioned that some people were "refusing to help," and aimed her comments at him. Since then, he has noticed his coworkers treating him differently. Things got worse when his manager spoke to him in private, saying that while donations are optional, not joining in "looks bad" when others are helping.

Later, it became clear that the time off was for an elective medical procedure that wasn't covered by federal leave rules. By then, coworkers had already given about 80 hours, but 40 more were still needed.

The man says he feels torn. He understands why someone might need time off, but he believes PTO is something you earn, not something to share. He has been planning a trip with his saved time and worries that giving in to pressure could set a bad example. Even his girlfriend suggested giving a little just to keep the peace at work, but he still feels uneasy about it.

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  • Rob Po tian
    via Sigmund For Unsplash+

  • This situation brings up bigger questions about voluntary programs at work and where encouragement ends and pressure begins. When people feel forced to join in, they may feel punished for making a choice that should be theirs alone.

  • Traditional-Dog1601 https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheJerk/comments/1qe25om/aitj_for_refusing_to_donate_pto_hours_to_coworker/
    via TheStandingDesk For Unsplash+

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.


     

  • "AITJ for refusing to donate PTO hours to coworker I barely know who "needs" them?"

    Traditional-Dog1601 https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheJerk/comments/1qe25om/aitj_for_refusing_to_donate_pto_hours_to_coworker/ - My company has a program where you can donate PTO hours to coworkers in crisis. I'm 32M and I've worked here 6 years, have about 120 hours saved.
    via Traditional-Dog1601
  • Traditional-Dog1601 https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheJerk/comments/1qe25om/aitj_for_refusing_to_donate_pto_hours_to_coworker/ - HR sent an email asking for donations for "Jennifer" in accounting. She used all her PTO and needs more for "personal reasons." I don't know Jennifer well, maybe said hi twice.
    via Traditional-Dog1601
  • Traditional-Dog1601 https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheJerk/comments/1qe25om/aitj_for_refusing_to_donate_pto_hours_to_coworker/ - My coworker "Amy" is pushing everyone to donate. She asked how many hours I'm giving. I said I'm not donating.
    via Traditional-Dog1601
  • Traditional-Dog1601 https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheJerk/comments/1qe25om/aitj_for_refusing_to_donate_pto_hours_to_coworker/ - Amy looked shocked and said "why not? She really needs it." I said I don't know her or her situation, and I'm saving my PTO for my own use.
    via Traditional-Dog1601
  • Traditional-Dog1601 https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheJerk/comments/1qe25om/aitj_for_refusing_to_donate_pto_hours_to_coworker/ - Amy said that's "really selfish" because Jennifer is "going through something." She then announced in our team meeting that "some people refuse to help Jennifer" while looking at me.
    via Traditional-Dog1601
  • Traditional-Dog1601 https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheJerk/comments/1qe25om/aitj_for_refusing_to_donate_pto_hours_to_coworker/ - Now I'm getting side- eye from coworkers. My boss pulled me aside and said while donating is optional, it "looks bad" that I'm not participating when others are giving 5-10 hours.
    via Traditional-Dog1601
  • Traditional-Dog1601 https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheJerk/comments/1qe25om/aitj_for_refusing_to_donate_pto_hours_to_coworker/ - I said my PTO is mine to use how I want. Apparently Jennifer needs time off for elective surgery that's not covered under FMLA.
    via Traditional-Dog1601
  • Traditional-Dog1601 https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheJerk/comments/1qe25om/aitj_for_refusing_to_donate_pto_hours_to_coworker/ - Its not an emergency. People have donated 80 hours total and she needs 40 more. I feel bad but also I earned my PTO and I'm planning to use it for a trip I've been saving for.
    via Traditional-Dog1601
  • Traditional-Dog1601 https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheJerk/comments/1qe25om/aitj_for_refusing_to_donate_pto_hours_to_coworker/ - Plus I barely know this person. My girlfriend thinks I should donate 5 hours "to look like a team player" but that feels like giving in to pressure.
    via Traditional-Dog1601
  • Traditional-Dog1601 https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheJerk/comments/1qe25om/aitj_for_refusing_to_donate_pto_hours_to_coworker/ - AITJ? TL;DR: HR asked for PTO donations for coworker I don't know, I refused, coworkers are treating me like I'm selfish, boss says it looks bad.
    via Traditional-Dog1601
  • Randolla 1960 If your boss feels that way, then why doesn't the company just pay for her time off? Why should it be on the backs of the other employees to give up their time?
    via Randolla
  • OP Traditional-Dog1601 Precisely. and why would they keep saying it is optional and they're actions do otherwise? Now I feel obligated because if I dont give in, it's like me vs the whole people at the company. This environment is looking toxic whether I donate or not..
    via Traditional-Dog1601
  • Parkour82 Companies should not be asking employees to donate PTO or time off to other employees. They should supply for emergencies, not the employees.
    via Parkour82
  • OP Traditional-Dog1601 Agreed sir. And I was really disappointed with my boss.. they keep saying it is optional but I feel obligated to do it. I'm starting to feel I am in a toxic working environment..
    via Traditional-Dog1601
  • Logical Difference529 You should tell your boss that "it looks bad" when a company requests PTO from other employees instead of just offering their in need employee options in an emergency.
    via LogicalDifference529
  • OP Traditional-Dog1601 Precisely. And if I donate, I wont feel good about it. I feel dictated. If I don't donate, all my coworkers are like turning against me. This is becoming toxic..
    via Traditional-Dog1601
  • Consequence These4559 Because created this "option" to pass the coast onto its employees. Guard your time.
    via ConsequenceThese4559
  • Smitten-kitten83 If it is a large company, the boss probably has no control over that, but it isn't op's problem. If FMLA won't cover it then it isn't considered medically necessary and it can wait while she accumulates some pto.
    via Smitten-kitten83
  • NWL3-2 I agree. A few years ago, I had just started a job within the past two months when I had to have emergency kidney surgery. I had no idea when I started the job that there was anything wrong with me. I emailed my boss, told her what was going on, and asked if I could take LWOP. She emailed me back and said she had talked to her boss, and they were just going to let me have the time off, but with pay even though I - didn't have anywhere near enough PTO to cover it. Good companies come throu
    via NWL3-2
  • Nearly_Pointless This. It is a ridiculous ask for an employer to get involved at all. If she is such a valuable asset, the company ought to step up and take care off her. Asking employees to pay for someone else is well beyond a step too far.
    via Nearly_Pointless
  • Main_Cauliflower5479 Amy is out of line. Report her to HR.
    via Main_Cauliflower5479
  • Beginning Present_24 I used to think it was cool when companies allowed this. Then I thought about it and wondered why they didn't just give the employee time off rather than ask other employees to sacrifice their time. It doesn't make sense to me.
    via Beginning_Present_24
  • PersonalityFuture151 Humph. I declined to donate for coworker I DID know. Their piss poor planning is not my responsibility. She had treated me poorly in the past and now she had to look back at that.
    via PersonalityFuture151

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boss employee drama work coworkers PTO
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