22-year-old demands friends pay $25 to go to her birthday party, gets upset when they refuse: 'If I'm being stupid, call me out on it'

Author image for Ally Perry
Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Jan 25, 2026 9:00 PM EST

Birthdays are for celebrating, not recouping costs.

Another year of life is a great reason to party, but unfortunately, plenty of parties are not without their dramas. Put that many people together and encourage a little hedonism, and it is no big surprise if some kind of disagreement winds up happening. 

For some reason, it being somebody's birthday can only make this kind of thing more likely. Having all that attention focused on one person can bring certain resentments to the surface, or encourage the individual whose birthday it is to act out in ways that make their loved ones not want to celebrate it.

A lot of the time, if something is going to go down, it happens before the event itself. Much like weddings, the planning of a big birthday can be fraught with arguments and plans going awry. One of the reasons that some avoid celebrating their birthdays altogether is because of the potential for things to go wrong if the celebration gets to be too much. Still, that shouldn't stop those who love to party from using this as a great excuse. They just have to be aware of the potential downsides and be able to manage them properly.

 

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  • a woman wearing a gold tiara smiles with the balloon decorations in the background
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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • In this story, a woman who had chosen not to throw a birthday party for five years decided that she wanted a party this year. Her reason for avoiding celebrations was that her birthday fell in the same week as Thanksgiving, and the last time she had a party, few people turned up.

    However, she felt that now was the right time to try to have a big celebration, which included some elaborate plans. As a result, she wanted to ask those who were invited to contribute $25 each to the party plans. She asked her friend for her opinion on the idea, and she told her she shouldn't do it. She wasn't happy, leaving the friend wondering if she did something wrong.

  • Am I wrong for telling my friend that I won’t be paying $25 to attend her birthday party?

    My (f 22) friend (f 22) is turning 23 this year. She has not had a birthday party in a few years because her birthday falls on the week of Thanksgiving and when she tried to have one for her 18th birthday party only 5 people showed up and that's not including her immediate family when she invited multiple friends, provided catering, and the food with money from her own pocket.
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  • She has since dropped certain friends for their behavior towards her. They were pretty valid reasons though not important to this.
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  • She has a new friend group that treat her great and show up to hang out, are there when things are tough, or there is an emergency in her life.
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  • I have been her friend since we were both 13. For this year even though it's not a significant birthday it's a new beginning for her and she says it feels like a "rebirth" in a way and a weight has been lifted off her shoulder so she wants to go all out with this birthday.
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  • Catering from her favorite place, her favorite performer who offers to perform at events, decorations, etc.
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  • When she told me about this I was supportive and told her she should do it!
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  • Until she told me roughly how much this party would cost her. The performers fee alone would be $605.5 and then the catering would be around $100-$200 if she invited 25-30 people like she planned.
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  • And then the decorations she said she would be using some that she had at home already or DIYing them with her family.
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  • She wants it to be little mermaid themed since she recently made a cosplay of her favorite character Melody from the sequels and she wanted to wear that for the party.
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  • She would be spending about $1000 for this entire event herself. I already know it because when she throws a party she throws a PARTY!
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  • Even though no one showed up to the last one she hosted for herself it was AMAZING.
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  • Now...she wants to have people pay her $25 to rsvp so that she could use that money to pay the live performer and take off the most major weight of what she'd be paying for the event.
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  • She asked me what I thought and I told her "that's the stupidest shit I've ever heard." She knows how blunt I am and has told me before "if I'm being stupid call me out on it." So that's what I did.
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  • No one that I know in our friend group is going to pay $25 to go to a birthday party they were invited to.
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  • If I'm invited to a birthday party then I should be going for free and using my money to buy her a gift.
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  • Not using that money to pay for entertainment that is supposed to be for everyone to enjoy.
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  • She called me a bitch and told me to leave before she said something else she'd regret later on.
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  • Since I'm so close to her family her mother texted me saying that "whatever I said to her was really hurtful" and that she's been upset since I left and that I should apologize.
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  • a woman wearing a gold tiara smiles and holds a hand to her head with balloon decorations in the background
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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • estergin How is $100-200 in catering supposed to feed 25-30 people?
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  • GlimmerElsewhere Original Poster's Reply Her cousin has a good business and offered to do it for a discount.
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  • Wild_Share_9190 Gentle YTA for how you worded and reacted. It took me two minutes to spin this into "in lieu of gifts, please consider giving $25 to help cover expenses". You didn't give her any advice and instead bashed her on her idea.
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  • Jakyland You aren't being invited to like a dinner, you are being invited a catered event with an entertainer. Paying $25 dollars for her to have this experience she wants IS the present she wants. You'd rather have the birthday person out $1000 dollars and have 30 knick- knacks? It doesn't seem like you are being a very supportive friend, since the amount of money itself isn't the issue but you will only support her if it is within a very prescribed routine way. YTA
    via Jakyland
  • Lumi020323 YTA, there is blunt and being an AH, you chose the latter. As to the issue, if she asking for $25 instead of bring a present, that's not unreasonable.
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  • The_Emo_Nun She's all in for putting out a grand for her own party. She invites her friends to share what she feels is a pivotal time in her life, with her. All she asks in return is $25. You tell her she's stupid. That was her birthday wish. Sorry, YTA
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  • j_jqqq YTA Get used to paying for taking a friend out for their birthday. It's part of being an adult. And $25 is dirt cheap. Apologize and pay the money.
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  • Counther "sometimes I have no filter when my close friends ask me for advice" It's probably time to start developing one. Not everything going through your mind needs to be said. "that's the stupidest shit I've ever heard" is (a) rude and hurtful and (b) not in the least bit helpful. Apparently she's not seeing a problem with her plan, so why not kindly explain why you think it's not a good idea? Or suggest an alternative. Or something else an adult might say. I agree with you about the $25, but
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  • No-Ambassador-688 YTA. I hate how people love to brag that they're "blunt" when actually they're just being shitty. You can be blunt, ("I don't think people are going to want to pay that much"), without being mean. Also, you're an adult now. It's not that weird for people to contribute to have a big party. We just rented a cabin for my birthday and everyone kicked in for the rental, booze, and food.
    via No-Ambassador-688
  • lordmwahaha You didn't have to jump to the meanest possible response first, holy shit. That was SO rude. Do you like this girl at all? Because that's not how we speak to people we like. Edit: changed judgement to YTA because people made some very good points in the comments about how it IS actually the norm in adult life to pay for someone else's birthday. Like if you a go to a restaurant, socially you're not supposed to let the birthday person pay for their own food. This is no different to tha
    via lordmwahaha
  • Darketernal You could've been a lot more gentle with a friend with all that backstory you're aware of. Being "blunt" to the detriment of people you care abouts' feelings is not a character feature, it's a flaw. You should apologize, if not for the point you made, but the delivery.
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friendship birthday birthday party friends payment money entitled people
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