Successful musician refuses to use his savings to pay off in-laws' mortgage, leading their home to be foreclosed, family resents the decision: 'You could easily pay it'

Author image for Bar Mor Hazut
Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
Jan 26, 2026 5:00 PM EST

Just because you have the money, doesn't mean you should spend it on other people.

How much savings do you have in your bank right now?

You don't really have to answer that question, obviously, but just thinking about it might help you remember just how hard you worked to get to a place in which you have something in your bank account at all. People work every day to accumulate these funds, using the tools they learned through their years to get to a place where they can comfortably live their lives.

Not many people get to have that.

But when someone does get to have that, when they have a successful career and a solid income, they wouldn't give that up easily, not even for someone they truly care about. If you worked hard for your money, if you gave all your heart and soul for your career, it would take a lot for you to even give a small percentage of that to someone else.

The musician in the story below truly gave his heart and soul to become successful in his field, and we all know how hard it is to do that in the music industry. Against all odds, and despite what many people around him told him over the years, he made a name for himself, and he made money.

He now has a solid savings account and a family to support. His partner is pregnant, and he has a kid from a previous relationship, so it's not like he has nothing to spend that money on. However, his partner has a different idea for the money, or at least for some of it–her childhood home is about to be foreclosed because her parents failed to pay for the mortgage, and she wants him to pay off the debt so the house wouldn't be lost.

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  • Even though the musician can afford to pay the mortgage, and it would only take around 15% of his savings, he is still hesitant to agree. He has plans for the money he set aside, and it's not like his profession is a very stable one; he could wake up tomorrow and find himself back at square one.

    Is it wrong of him to refuse his partner's request to pay for her parents' mortgage? 

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    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • AITAH for refusing to pay off my pregnant fiancee's parents' mortgage, when they are under the threat of foreclosure, when I could "easily" afford to do so?

    This is a throwaway account. About two years ago, I (31M) met my fiancee (26F). We have a baby on the
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  • The due date is in May. I also have a ten year old son from a previous relationship.
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  • I am a professional musician. My band has a sizable local/regional following. I also privately teach different instruments to mostly children and do music production for some significantly bigger musicians/bands.
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  • About three weeks ago, my fiancee got a call from her mother. My fiancee is the oldest of three and her younger siblings are in college.
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  • Her mom informed her that they received a letter that the "acceleration clause" was being invoked on their mortgage due to months of non-payment and that if they do not pay it off by late February, the house would be foreclosed on.
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  • The house had belonged to my fiancee's grandmother before it was inherited by my fiancee's parents about 15 years ago when her grandmother died.
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  • The house was paid off, but they took out a mortgage on it because they needed the money.
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  • My fiancee lived in the house since she was two years old. My fiancee has asked me to use my savings to pay off the house.
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  • It would be about 15% of my savings to do so. I have a sizeable amount of savings.
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  • Despite my parents not wanting me to go into music, or at least wait until I graduated college, I went into the music industry full- time from the time I graduated high school.
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  • It has largely worked out for me. But, knowing the ebbs and flows of the industry, and especially with having a kid so young, I have been very vigilant about savings.
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  • Having a substantial savings account is important to me given my kids (have one, have one on the way, and want to potentially have a third) because I want to be able to pay for college and help them buy a house (things my parents could not dream of doing).
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  • Foreclosure Notice
    via @andydeanphotography

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Also, you never know when times are going to be lean as a musician. This is why I am hesitant to want to pay off their mortgage.
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  • Additionally, I am concerned about setting the precedent that I bailout the family. My fiancee is quite upset about the whole situation.
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  • She says we would not be hurting at all if I pay it off and I have no reason to think that I will not continue to make the amount of money I have made in the last couple of years.
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  • If anything, there is a good chance it will go up. She sees it as I could "easily" pay it but I am refusing to do So.
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  • I see it as protecting our long-term financial stability. If a foreclosure happens, her parents will get the equity they have in the house and be able to afford a different place.
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  • While I know she is emotionally attached to that particular house, I do not think it is wise to sacrifice our financial stability for that reason alone.
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  • Her parents need to be in a place that they can afford. AITA?
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  • Accomplished-Ad6019 Why does her family know how much you have in savings?
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  • Gullible-Display4533 Original Poster's Reply Her family does not know. My fiancee knows and has asked me to use it.
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  • LibrarianNeat1999 Absolutely you NOT the AH. Her parents don't manage money well. Thus a problem of their making so they can figure it out for themselves.
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  • teresajs NTA These folks had a paid-off house. They mortgaged it to spend money they didn't have. Then, they didn't pay the mortgage. You absolutely shouldn't spend your money (not "our" money, as your fiancee says) to fix this. You don't want to create the expectation that you will be their ATM. Your fiancee and her family can work together to figure this out. You should consider getting a prenup. If your fiancee handles money in a similar manner to her parents, you might be better off to maint
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  • JeanSchlemaan GET A PRENUP
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  • Efficient_Most439 NTA. You aren't their "break glass in emergency" when things get bad. Info: does your wife work? Her expecting you to help and guilting you seems gold diggerish. Do you have a prenuptial agreement? Based on how you're describing her reaction, I really hope so.
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  • Bvallep1 Buy it from them.
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  • True-Tangerine9901 Even if you pay it off, how do you know they will pay the property taxes? they can still lose the house if they are not responsible (and it doesn't sound like they are). Does someone have gambling problem or something? Where did all the money from the refinance go!?
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  • Greenelse NTA. It's your money, not your and hers. I hope you are planning on a prenup if she's so inclined to spend large amounts on a family of fritterers.
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house relationships parenting debt mortgage in laws family home money parents children musicians
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