Parents leave their farm to grandchildren instead of daughter after her husband declares his plans to sell it, ignoring their wishes to keep it in the family: 'How dare you?'

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Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
Feb 10, 2026 2:00 PM EST

What would you do with the family farm that your parents left you in their inheritance?

If you knew that your parents' wish was for the family farm to remain in the family, would you have kept their wish? Or do you think a farm is purely an investment, and selling it for the money is a better outcome for your personal future?

Frankly, it doesn't really matter what you think, as long as you make the decision hand in hand with your partner, and both of you accept the outcome; something that cannot be said about the husband and wife in the story below.

This 38-year-old woman's parents own a farm, which lately has been the topic of conversation between her and her husband. They decided to discuss their plans with the fam once it will be passed to them, but unfortunately, they are not on the same page about these plans. They are not even in the same book, if we're being completely honest.

The wife wants to honor her parents' wish to keep the farm in the family, so her plan is to give it to their children in the future. The husband, on the other hand, doesn't understand the sentimental value of the farm and thinks it would be much better to sell the property and enjoy the financial profit. This disagreement led the couple to a much bigger argument about finances, which resulted in the wife telling her parents all about it.

After hearing about their son-in-law's plans for the farm, the parents came up with a different plan–instead of leaving the farm to their daughter and causing her marital problems, they would leave the farm directly to her children, their grandkids. This way, the farm stays in the family, the daughter gets her plan, and is not to blame for it.

Some people think this plan will lead to more problems between the husband and wife, and even warn that they shouldn't bring the kids into it. Others think that these actions are not enough, and claim that the husband's behavior points to bigger issues the family has to deal with, regardless of the farm's fate.

How do you think the wife should proceed here? Should she let her parents change their will, or will that only cause more problems? 

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  • A big family holding hands and walking towards a farmhouse.
    via Thinkstock Images

    A big family holding hands and walking towards a farmhouse.

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • AITAH for telling my mother to leave my (38F) portion of the inheritance/farm to my children instead of my husband (39M)?

    I am not wealthy, but my parents own a farm. One day my husband and I were talking about the plans for the farm.
    via Consistent-Hotel-449
  • He said he wants to sell it. I said I wanted to have something to give to our children when they are older and that my parents want the farm to stay in the family anyway.
    via Consistent-Hotel-449
  • He got REALLY angry and said, so we will never get anything to make our lives easier!
    via Consistent-Hotel-449
  • I explained about my parents wishes, I said I could sell my piece to my sister or brother and he said they would get a "discounted price or I would give it to them for free." I was shocked, I said, what, did you only marry me for money (a joke, because again, I am not wealthy), and he then said how dare I say that to him, and he gave me the silent treatment.
    via Consistent-Hotel-449
  • I apologized to him for what I had said and he told me it was going to take him awhile to get over that.
    via Consistent-Hotel-449
  • Fair enough. Later, when my parents were discussing the farm again, I explained about what my spouse wanted.
    via Consistent-Hotel-449
  • They asked if telling him what they want would make a difference? I said I didn't know.
    via Consistent-Hotel-449
  • Son, father, and grandfather standing in a green field on their family farm.
    via kali9

    Son, father, and grandfather standing in a green field on their family farm.

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • So now they are thinking to just will out the land in my children's name as it is what I wanted anyway.
    via Consistent-Hotel-449
  • Mind you, my husband got a small inheritance from his family and I told him it was his to decide what he wanted to do with.
    via Consistent-Hotel-449
  • He just put it in our savings. AITAH?
    via Consistent-Hotel-449
  • donovansgirl NTA, but in most places, an inheritance is not community or marital property and he would have no say on how the inheritance is handled.
    via donovansgirl
  • Consistent-Hotel-449 Original Poster's Reply True, but he could make my life miserable if I don't do what he wants.
    via Consistent-Hotel-449
  • Elelith You do know he will take his anger out on the kids, right? He will manipulate and abuse them to do what is best for him. He is already doing this for you.
    via Elelith
  • Consistent-Hotel-449 Original Poster's Reply So far, I seem to be his target. I have thought about leaving. I am scared of his reaction to that. I think the only way I could do it is if it's his idea. He has brought the "d" word up during an argument before.
    via Consistent-Hotel-449
  • Arivanzel Then that isn't a healthy relationship or marriage. If your scared about what he may do or that he'll make your life miserable for not doing something for him, that's not normal
    via Arivanzel
  • Consistent-Hotel-449 Original Poster's Reply I know, but I can't seem to fix it. I have tried to do what he wants. Then I am tired, then he mocks me for being tired. He doesn't see any problem in the marriage aside from me.
    via Consistent-Hotel-449
  • donovansgirl He can make your life miserable if he knows you told your parents to put your children on there instead of you...if he wants to be controlling and awful about this, he will be no matter what you do.
    via donovansgirl
  • Consistent-Hotel-449 Original Poster's Reply They said that they would tell him the truth, that they were afraid he would sell it, and he could just be Imad at them instead.
    via Consistent-Hotel-449
  • smileycat007 Ask your parents to put the farm in a trust for your children. Make anyone the trustee except your husband. That way, if anything happens to OP, the husband can't sell the farm on behalf of the children. The children can take their inheritance at whatever age makes sense and stipulated by OP's parents, but make it an age where their father is unlikely to benefit (like 35+).
    via smileycat007
  • Consistent-Hotel-449 Original Poster's Reply Good ideas
    via Consistent-Hotel-449
  • JohannasGarden Ouch! OP, honey. Re-read what you just wrote and imagine those words were typed by a best friend, your daughter, a sister, any other woman who isn't you. Wouldn't you want to wrap her in your arms and say, "You are not the problem, and you deserve SO much better." You can't fix it because the problem isn't you, it's him. He's the problem and he is the kind of person who externalizes every problem. In his mind, it's never him.
    via JohannasGarden
  • Consistent-Hotel-449 Original Poster's Reply Thank you, putting things into perspective like that does help.
    via Consistent-Hotel-449
  • Paralax6969 Ask him if easier life's for him or his children are what he wants. Gimme now, or save it for them. I'd never to presume my say so is more important than my wife's in regards to her own inheritance. He's tah
    via Paralax6969
  • Consistent-Hotel-449 Original Poster's Reply Right, as parents, our goal is to provide a good life for our children, first and foremost...or that is how I see it.
    via Consistent-Hotel-449
  • Greedy-Win-4880 > I said I could sell my piece to my sister or brother If you only own a portion of the farm then you couldn't just go and sell it anyway unless your siblings also wanted to sell. This is a dumb hypothetical and your husband in as asshole. NTA.
    via Greedy-Win-4880
  • Consistent-Hotel-449 Original Poster's Reply We could still sell our piece, to the farm next to us for example, if they wanted more cropland.
    via Consistent-Hotel-449
  • IncredibleBihan Property can get pretty tricky. They might want to look into a trust
    via IncredibleBihan
  • Consistent-Hotel-449 Original Poster's Reply I think they are doing that.
    via Consistent-Hotel-449
  • BedroomEducational94 NTA- Will the farm to the kids. It's the smart move. You wouldn't want to "settle" this and then have him "change his mind". Just cut out the possibility of the middle man ENTIRELY.
    via BedroomEducational94

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family drama inheritance marriage kids mother wife relationships parenting husband family grandparents farm parents children Father
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