Brother totals sister's car, then demands to get the money from the insurance payout, she refuses, parents take brother's side: ‘I fail to see how you're entitled to any of it’

Author image for Bar Mor Hazut
Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
Feb 13, 2026 4:00 PM EST

When it's unclear who actually owns the car, it becomes just as unclear who gets the money from the insurance payout.

Never mix finance with family; that is more important than any other lesson you might learn in life. And if you think your family is above this rule, and that there is nothing that the power of love can't overcome. Well, maybe just don't risk it. Just think about all the people who came before you who thought the exact same thing… and learn they were wrong the hard way.

Just like the sister in the story below. The way her family mixed finances among themselves is hard to follow, which makes it even harder to determine who is right and who is wrong.

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  • Man next to a red car after an accident, talking on the phone.
    via Garun Studios

    Man next to a red car after an accident, talking on the phone.

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • AITA for wanting the entirety of my own insurance payout?

    My fiancée and I inherited a new vehicle after the loss of his father; a brand new, fully paid off car that was much better than either of the vehicles that we were driving at the time.
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  • After some discussion, we decided to sell my car and keep his dad's car, since it was paid off.
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  • My car was the oldest, (a 2020 Chevy Malibu) and I had paid off roughly 90% of the loan for it - so we figured we could also get some cash in our pockets from it.
    via xXIsThatAChallengeXx
  • My brother found out that we were selling my car, and he was currently trying to find one for himself, so he reached out and offered to take over the payments from me.
    via xXIsThatAChallengeXx
  • I wasn't fond of this idea, because my fiancée and I were hoping to get some money for the car to A) finish paying it off, and B) have some cash leftover to put toward our wedding.
    via xXIsThatAChallengeXx
  • After some discussion with my fiancée, we finally decided that you know what, he's family, he's in a tough spot, let's meet him in the middle.
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  • I told him he could take over the payments, but that he had to find a way to pay the remainder of the loan off within the next 3 months (roughly $2,500).
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  • He was fine with that so that was the deal we made. Flash forward to 6 months later, my brother had only made 2 of the monthly payments on time, otherwise he was letting the payments go over 30 days late, and I would have to step in and pay them for him to try to keep my credit from tanking (because the car was still in my name).
    via xXIsThatAChallengeXx

  • The first mistake this sister made was agreeing to give her old car to her brother without having paid for it in full yet. She should have told him to either pay the entire amount in full or refuse to give him the car altogether. It shouldn't surprise her that he took advantage of her being family to skip some payment. When the risk is eliminated, and he doesn't feel the urging need to make the payments in time, well, why would he?

  • He would then pay me back a couple weeks later. It was becoming a vicious cycle.
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  • We were becoming increasingly irritated with each other, and I was threatening to take the car back.
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  • Well, he was driving to work one morning and was in a wreck that caused my car to be totaled (my brother walked away without a scratch).
    via xXIsThatAChallengeXx
  • Now, here is where it gets very sticky. The insurance for my car was in my parent's name (they carried the plan and I paid them monthly for it), so the insurance payout for the car (almost $10,000) was coming in a check with my mother's name on it.
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  • My parents for whatever reason decided that they were entitled to some of the payout, and then wanted to split the remainder between my brother and I.
    via xXIsThatAChallengeXx

  • The second mistake made, both from the parents' side and the sister's side, is not sorting out the insurance so it would be in the name of the person who actually drives the car. If the parents paid for the insurance up until now, why shouldn't they get the money from the payout?

  • I failed to see how my brother was entitled to any of it, let alone my parents.
    via xXIsThatAChallengeXx
  • A lot of arguing ensued, my brother practically disowned me, refused to speak to me in any way for weeks.
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  • In order to keep the peace, I relented and allowed my parents to take some of the payout and then split the remainder between my brother and I (I ended up only getting about $3,000.
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  • I'm not sure how much they gave my brother). Now everyone seems happy, but I'm still really irritated.
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  • Which brings me to the title, am I the ah le for wanting the entirety of my insurance payout?
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  • Car insurance claim form with stethoscope and toy car
    via @stefanut-savas-images

    Car insurance claim form with stethoscope and toy car

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • EDIT: Editing to add, I'm fully aware that I never should have intermingled finances with my family.
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  • My main issue is that my entire family to this day, still talks about how crazy it was that any one of us ever argued about the payout involved.
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  • My brother still holds it over me that he should've gotten more of the payout than he did.
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  • And it was making me feel CRAZY for thinking I was entitled to any of it
    via xXIsThatAChallengeXx

  • The most grave mistake, however, is getting into this mess in the first place. No one in the family is happy about the situation, and someone is bound to get hurt in the process. They never should have tangled themselves in an insurance or car ownership mess. 

    The only way out of this now is letting it go, if you ask us. The money is split, the car is gone. Just leave the rest behind if you want the family to stay intact.

    But that is just our opinion. Let us know your thoughts in the comments below!

  • Pied25 The car loan still needs paid off. Have you settled on who does that?
    via Pied25
  • XXIs ThatAChallengeXx Original Poster's Reply Sorry, I did forget to include that the $10,000 from the insurance was what was left after the car was fully paid off. There was very little left on the loan anyway
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  • whydoyouhatemesomuch Depends if he was at fault for the accident as to whether their insurance took a hit. I was in a not at fault accident that totaled my car a couple years ago and my insurance wasn't impacted.
    via whydoyouhatemesomuch
  • XXIsThatAChallengeXx Original Poster's Reply Yes, deemed not at fault and so insurance did not take a hit
    via xXIsThatAChallengeXx
  • doobersthetitan So wait...you gave your car to you brother...but kept insurance the same? As in your parents actully had and paid for the insurance? Was the car in your name or there's? Did you pay them the insurance? Was brother on insurance too? This sounds so weird, like some kinda insurance scam. I mean you can sue...but unless you have proof of he said she said? I think everyone is AH.
    via doobersthetitan
  • XXIsThatAChallengeXx Original Poster's Reply To my understanding my parents still carried the insurance but changed the driver of the vehicle to my brother when he took over the monthly payments - I stopped paying them every month because I assumed my brother was paying them. The car was in my name still (my mom was on as a co-signer because I was still in my teens when I financed it). The deal was that my brother was supposed to pay off the remainder of the loan within 3 months of taking over t
    via xXIsThatAChallengeXx
  • Elendel19 YTA I don't understand how you (and so many comments) think you're entitled to a single dollar here. Your parents kept money because their insurance took a hit. Your brother lost HIS CAR (not yours, you gave it up and he was making payments). If he never crashed you would have received $0 as per the deal you struck, why exactly do you think you should profit off of the insurance payment? The only thing you would be owed would be the remainder of the car loan, which is not anywhere near
    via Elendel19
  • XXIs ThatAChallengeXx Original Poster's Reply It was never his car, I essentially loaned it to him for 6 months. The ownership of the car was never his. If he had paid it off like he had agreed to when I loaned it to him, then the insurance payout would be rightfully his. He did not pay it off, he only made a few of the monthly payments on it.
    via xXIsThatAChallengeXx
  • Random_P1neapples NTA But I do have to ask, how much of a fuss was your brother making about getting his share that both you and your parents felt you had to appease him to keep the peace??
    via Random_P1neapples
  • XXIsThatAChallengeXx Original Poster's Reply The biggest fuss I've ever seen in my life. He was letting it rip our family apart, and he still to this day thinks that he should've gotten the entirety of the payout. He would even refuse to let us see my niece and nephew because of it. (Mind you my brother is much older than me)
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  • Quick-Possession-245 your family members are all pieces of work! Do they rip you off in other ways? NTA
    via Quick-Possession-245
  • XXIsThatAChallengeXx Original Poster's Reply They would like to, but after years of therapy and this particular event have thickened my skin and strengthened my spine quite a bit
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  • WiggerJim69 info: why wasn't the insurance in your name?
    via WiggerJim69
  • XXIsThatAChallengeXx Original Poster's Reply It had just always been that way since I bought the car, and it never crossed my mind that I would ever be in a position that something like this would happen with my own family members. We have always been very close and it never even occurred to me to have my own policy. I am now glaringly aware of how I can't trust anyone, not even my own parents. All of my own bills/insurance/assets are now in my and my fiancée's (now husband) names.
    via xXIsThatAChallengeXx
  • Random_P1neapples Did he have any alternative vehicles after totaling the car you had given him? Or was he sh out of luck after the accident
    via Random_P1neapples
  • XXIs ThatAChallengeXx Original Poster's Reply He still had his wife's vehicle which was brand new at the time, as well as his own work vehicle. His wife was also a stay at home mom.
    via xXIsThatAChallengeXx
  • lamIrene Your parents took a hit on their insurance because they are carrying your vehicle. They should get a portion to offset. You should've gotten the lion's share. If your brother wasn't in any way injured, he should get nothing because he wrecked the car. He should be profusely apologizing to you for both wrecking your car and missing payments. Pretty sure you'll never go out on a limb for him again. You are NTA. Lesson learned though, right?
    via lamIrene

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family drama insurance kids brother mother car siblings family sister car insurance money parents children Father
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