Tech coworkers are up for promotion at the same time, male colleague insists he'll quit if female colleague gets promotion: 'He demands praise for completing the most basic tasks'

Author image for Ally Perry
Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Feb 17, 2026 9:00 AM EST

Some people thrive with workplace competition; others melt down under the pressure.

The fact of the matter is that in most workplaces, employees who want to get ahead will likely face some competition when doing so. They are not the only ones in the workforce who desire more money and accolades for what they do, and as a result, they are going to have to put up a fight for it. Most companies like to think of themselves as meritocracies and are going to act accordingly.

A downside that comes from this way of working is that there is a certain contingent of people who have no problem with playing dirty. They truly believe that they deserve that competitive bonus, raise, or promotion, and they see no issue with putting others in difficult positions if that means that they will receive it. Some would argue that this is a Machiavellian approach to business, but others might say that this does not help when trying to reward actual achievement. 

Dealing with people like this as an honest employee who just wants to be recognized for their hard work can be frustrating. It's a common part of the working world, and at its worst, it can derail career strategies completely.

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  • a male and female colleague stand talking to each other with one male and one female colleague watching them in the background
    via Vitaly Gariev

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • In this story, a woman working in tech was put in a difficult position when both she and a male colleague were told that they could be eligible for promotion. In her opinion, she had worked hard to deserve such an accolade, but she did not believe that the same could be said for her coworker.

    Her colleague had announced that if he didn't get a promotion alone, he would leave the company. The woman felt like this put upper management in a difficult position, and turned something that should be based on merit into a popularity contest. She sought advice on how to proceed.

  • We’re both up for promotion, he’s threatening to quit if he doesn’t get it

    Just like the subject states, myself and a colleague are up for promotion. The biggest differentiators between us are familiarity with our product and workload vs visibility.
    via Smart_Course_8465
  • I handle a lot of the "quiet work" and unblock the team to allow us to progress further and launches to be completed as scheduled.
    via Smart_Course_8465
  • I am trusted to work alone, without oversight, and am left to complete tasks for other teams.
    via Smart_Course_8465
  • He demands praise and acknowledgement for completing even the most basic tasks, and is granted this treatment by our seniors and leads.
    via Smart_Course_8465
  • two female colleagues stand talking to one another while two male colleagues observe in the background
    via Vitaly Gariev

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • He claims he is the favorite by far and everyone we interact him loves him. We are both up for promotion this cycle, he has come out to say that if he does not get it alone, he will leave the company.
    via Smart_Course_8465
  • Upper management is being quiet and careful with their responses to us as a team, and he says that have directly told him that they intend to promote him.
    via Smart_Course_8465
  • Where do I go from here? I don't want to also threaten to leave if I don't receive the promotion but he has made this oddly personal and has gone as far as to tell me that he is better liked and like a younger brother to our senior members and that I should take a page out of his book and kiss their since obviously they enjoy that.
    via Smart_Course_8465
  • Six office workers chat while sitting around a table in a meeting room
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • I could play the game better, and should be more like him. At the end of the day, I'm hoping that my work speaks for itself but I'm pretty sure I'm in for an actual fight here and don't know how to proceed.
    via Smart_Course_8465
  • kz_ Yeah, you probably can't make the same threat, but you can always just start interviewing and leave them with their yes man.
    via kz_
  • Smart_Course_8465 Original Poster's Reply This is what I'm planning to do, I'm pretty hurt by everything that has supposedly been said
    via Smart_Course_8465
  • wuteverman In what medium did he say this? Is it in text? How do promotions work? Do you have a promotion packet? Is it up to your manager? What does your manager say?
    via wuteverman
  • Smart_Course_8465 Original Poster's Reply This was discussed during a project sync, there were 6 people present. We have a promotion packet, our c-suite ultimately makes the final decision however upper management can nominate and fight for a candidate. My direct manager is aware that I am interested in promotion but it is something that we have not discussed at length since he states "I'm on track" and leaves it at that. My colleagues manager is actively helping him with projects and pushing fo
    via Smart_Course_8465
  • doublen00b If its any consolation, the types of places that cave to that kind of behaviour are not the places you want to be in. If they do it once, it empowers him to keep doing it. But you should know based on your past at this place who is actually qualified for the role and what upper management will do long before his temper tantrums started. Edit: you documents the work you did, make the case for yourself. Don't rely on anyone else knowing what you have done. Managing even 3-4 people, you
    via doublen00b
  • Smart_Course_8465 Original Poster's Reply On paper I am the obvious choice. What he said is what knocked my confidence, until I spoke to him I was pretty certain that the promo was coming my way. Now I am not so sure since according to him, management is behind him. My colleagues also believe the promotion is mine and were surprised to hear he was even being looked at
    via Smart_Course_8465
  • ConstantKooky3329 This is my non-scientific observation about male co- workers, in general. They are always talking themselves up and promoting their work in order to build the impression that they are competent and leadership material. In many cases, they are doing the minimum amount of actual work, but they make up for it in their "branding and communications". They try to get as much face time with senior management. Keeping your head down, executing perfectly, and expecting others to advocat
    via ConstantKooky3329
  • Local-Ad-3866 If they promote him quiet quit, switch teams latterly, find another job. I would start looking now.
    via Local-Ad-3866
  • asdfdelta From an ally's perspective (so take it or leave it if you'd like); If he threatened to leave, that gives you a unique position. You're obviously tenured and qualified for the promotion, and the other colleague is willing to abandon the company and projects if he doesn't get that. From a managerial perspective, that's a HUGE risk. If he's unsatisfied with any part of the job, he is willing to dip in order to get it. What a huge pain to deal with, especially putting more responsibility o
    via asdfdelta
  • Iwontjudjeu I hope you start interviewing, get a better job and leave. And that your current company falls apart once their "younger brother" takes over and they realized he doesn't do sh. Or that he gets the promotion and is tortuted by a shton of work and is miserable.
    via Iwontjudjeu
  • ya-yi-yu-ye-yo Wow this has happened to me twice-wild how i had no idea this was a thing until i started working in tech. Definitely agree with poster above, time to quiet quit and find somewhere less demoralizing
    via ya-yi-yu-ye-yo
  • wears_trousers If you haven't explicitly said to your manager "I'm interested in X promotion. I'm a strong candidate and I hope you'll advocate for me," do that. Their reaction will tell you what you need to know. Do you know what your manager means when they say you're "on track"? On track for an acceptable performance review and on track for a promotion are very different. Make sure you understand what track you're on.
    via wears_trousers

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