Boyfriend surprises girlfriend with kitten after she told him not to, he tries to guilt her into keeping the animal: ‘He kept calling me cold’

A relationship will never work if something you say goes in one ear and right out the other.

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Author image for Lana DeGaetano Lana DeGaetano
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  • A man holds a kitten to his face.
    via Maximus Beaumont for Unsplash

    A man holds a kitten to his face.

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • "My partner brought home a kitten as a ‘surprise’ and I told him to take it back"

    I know this sounds cold, and trust me, I feel cold writing it. But I need an outside read because in our apartment right now I'm being framed as the villain, and I can't tell if I'm overreacting or just finally holding a line.
    via willowstormgarden
  • Before this happened, I had already said clearly I'm not ready for a pet. Not "maybe later".
    via willowstormgarden

  • Right off the bat, the person who shares this story is defensive. This is likely because her partner has primed her to be; She doesn't want a pet, fine. That doesn't mean she hates all living animals. She simply doesn't feel like a pet is a part of her story yet. Is she a villain? No.

    There's nothing wrong with waiting to be ready for a pet. In fact, it's the adult thing to do. Animals aren't toys; They're living things who need the proper love and care to thrive in their environments.

  • Not "convince me". I said I'm not in a place where I can take on an animal, financially or emotionally, and I don't want the responsibility sitting on my shoulders.
    via willowstormgarden
  • Also our lease has a no pets clause. It's not one of those "pay a fee and it's fine" ones.
    via willowstormgarden
  • It's straight up, no animals. We both signed it. We both saw it. We both joked about how the landlord would probably lose his mind if he saw a cat hair on the couch.
    via willowstormgarden
  • Last week I come home from class and my partner is grinning like he's about to propose.
    via willowstormgarden

  • Here it comes. Her partner is grinning ear to ear because he doesn't listen to a thing his girlfriend says. Ignorance is truly bliss.

    Little did she know, the only proposal that would come of this situation is the proposal to possibly break up… Well, in her mind, at least.

  • He opens the bedroom door and there's a tiny kitten in a cardboard carrier, meowing, looking terrified, with this little blanket and a toy mouse like he staged a movie scene.
    via willowstormgarden
  • He goes, "Surprise! couldn't leave her there, she needed a home." He said one of his friends knew someone whose cat had kittens and they were "getting rid of them" and he just felt so bad.
    via willowstormgarden
  • He kept saying it like I was supposed to melt and go, okay yes this is our baby now.
    via willowstormgarden
  • I didn't melt. I just felt my stomach drop. Because all I could see was: the lease, the inspection notice we got last month, the possibility of a fine or being kicked out, the smell of litter, the fur, the vet stuff, the whole chain of responsibility that I never agreed to.
    via willowstormgarden
  • And also, I felt kind of betrayed? Like we had a conversation about this already and he just decided it didn't matter because he wanted a cute moment.
    via willowstormgarden
  • He had already bought a litter box and set it up in the kitchen corner. The kitchen.
    via willowstormgarden
  • Next to where we cook. I asked why it was there and he said "it's temporary, don't be dramatic." The kitten immediately climbed into it and kicked litter out onto the floor, so now there's grit in the kitchen and I'm trying not to lose it over something that is not the kitten's fault.
    via willowstormgarden

  • This, my friends, is a different rendition of weaponized incompetence. Instead of deciding to steer clear of the ASPCA and other cat shelters, her boyfriend chooses to supersede her request not to be a pet mom. Her boyfriend clearly wants a pet, and he's choosing to guilt her in hopes she'll let the kitten stay. Not only is this emotional manipulation, but it's also against their lease! Surprise, surprise…

  • I told him, calmly at first, that this can't stay here. I said we can call the friend, we can take it back today, or we can find a shelter or rescue that can place it.
    via willowstormgarden
  • I even offered to drive. He got really mad, like instantly. He said I was being heartless and "who sends a baby animal away." He told me I'm being controlling and I always need things my way.
    via willowstormgarden
  • Then he hit me with "I thought you'd grow a heart when you saw her." That phrase p ed me off more than I expected.
    via willowstormgarden

  • The only thing dramatic about this situation is what caused the situation in the first place: her boyfriend. He wanted to make a dramatic entrance about the kitten, even though she didn't want one and made that clear. If this is a non-negotiable for the relationship, he needs to decide between a feline and a girlfriend…

  • It felt like he was admitting he did this to corner me. Like the plan was: bring home something adorable and I won't be able to say no.
    via willowstormgarden
  • The argument got worse because I said, out loud, "This is also against our lease. Are you ready to pay the penalty if we get caught?" And he rolled his eyes and said landlords never enforce it, and even if they do "we'll deal with it." I don't want to "deal with it" later.
    via willowstormgarden
  • I don't want a warning notice on our door or to be scrambling to rehome a kitten at midnight because someone complained.
    via willowstormgarden
  • I also don't want to be the one scooping litter and making vet appointments because he impulsively made a decision and now it's "ours." So I told him he needs to return the kitten, like today, or I'm not living in a house with a pet I didn't consent to.
    via willowstormgarden
  • A woman looks off to her side, discontent after an argument.
    via Blake Cheek For Unsplash+

    A woman looks off to her side, discontent after an argument.

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • I said it harsher the second time because he kept calling me cold. He accused me of giving ultimatums.
    via willowstormgarden
  • I said, yeah, because you didn't give me a choice. Now he's barely speaking to me and telling friends I made him "get rid of" an innocent animal.
    via willowstormgarden
  • I can hear him in the other room talking to the kitten in this sad voice, like I'm some monster.
    via willowstormgarden
  • I feel awful because the kitten is sweet and none of this is her fault. But I also feel like if I cave now, I'm teaching him that my boundaries are optional as long as he wraps it in a cute surprise.
    via willowstormgarden
  • Am I overreacting for insisting it goes back, or is he the one who crossed the line?
    via willowstormgarden

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boyfriend entitlement relationships Cats toxic relationship entitled people
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