Husband treats 29-year-old like a child when teaching her to cook, she starts to avoid the activity in general: 'It makes me feel dumb'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Mar 5, 2026 10:00 PM EST

Would you let your spouse teach you how to cook?

Learning something from your partner can be a great way to bond. They are able to open up your world, and it brings you closer together. But there can also be a tricky dynamic in play when one of you is teaching the other something. It's all about tone. Nobody likes to feel like they're being treated like a child. Nobody wants to be condescended to when they're with the person they love. They want to feel like equals, and nothing makes you feel like more of a child than someone teaching you how to hold a knife. But where should we draw the line with this type of behavior? What should we tolerate from our partners and what should we not let slide? It's ultimately up to the two of you, but you might have some preferences about how we like to be treated. But some things are universal. 

Nobody likes to be made to feel inferior. Life does a good enough job of that anyway; we don't need it from people in our inner circle. We want to feel uplifted and supported by them, not cut down to size. We all have our strengths and weaknesses, and it's important to recognize those. It's key that we don't play up our weaknesses too much, though, because they're not worth dwelling on. We can work on getting better, but we can also just accept that we're not natural talents at everything. 

Add as a preferred
source on Google
Advertisement
  • A couple makes breakfast together at home
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • The wife in this story was running into that kind of issue when her husband was trying to teach her something that he learned growing up. He wanted to open up her world a bit and take her under his wing. She didn't want to be under his wing and started to resist the idea as a whole. Scroll on to read what happened in this story and decide what you would have done in her shoes. Maybe you would have tolerated that behavior, or maybe you would have found a different way around it. Keep reading to see for yourself.

  • Am I wrong for not wanting to cook with my husband because he makes me feel like a child?

    My husband (32M) is an amazing cook. Like genuinely amazing. He grew up in a family where everyone cooked, and they actually taught him techniques, flavors, timing all of it. He gets so much joy and pride from cooking, and honestly, I love that about him. The food is great and I'm proud of him.
    via u/Busy_Demand_1936
  • Me (29F) I'm average at best. I wasn't really taught how to cook growing up, and what I was taught... wasn't great. I can make basic meals and follow a recipe, but I don't have a passion for it. I cook because you have to eat, not because it fills my soul.
    via u/Busy_Demand_1936
  • Lately, I've been trying to cook with him more because I know it makes him happy and I want to spend that time together. But here's the issue whenever we cook together, he goes into full "teacher mode." Instead of just cooking with me, he explains every single step, corrects how I'm holding a knife, tells me I'm stirring wrong, asks if I "understand why we're doing this," etc.
    via u/Busy_Demand_1936
  • It doesn't feel collaborative. It feels like I'm in a class I didn't sign up for. I know he probably thinks he's being helpful, and I don't think he's trying to be condescending. But it makes me feel small. Like I'm incompetent. Like he sees me as someone who needs to be trained rather than a partner.
    via u/Busy_Demand_1936
  • Because of that, I've started avoiding cooking with him. I'd rather just let him do it alone than feel like I'm being graded in my own kitchen. He says he's just trying to share something he loves and "bring me up to his level," and that I'm being sensitive. But I don't want to be "brought up to a level." I just want to chop vegetables without feeling like I'm being evaluated.
    via u/Busy_Demand_1936
  • So AITAH for not wanting to cook with him if it makes me feel dumb?
    via u/Busy_Demand_1936
  • A couple cooks together in a kitchen
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Commenters agreed that she needed to communicate more.

    Impressive Mome... NTA-my partner used to do this to me too. He would go as far as taking whatever was in my hand away from me and just doing it himself to "show" me how it was done.
    via u/Impressive_Moment786
  • I told him I want it to be something enjoyable we do together. And it isn't enjoyable for me if he is talking to me like a child and literally taking things out of my hands when I am in the middle of something. He still didn't hear me so the next time he did it I just said
    via u/Impressive_Moment786
  • "okay great, let me know when it is ready" and I left the kitchen. We had a discussion and I said I am not trying to learn to be a chef, I am just trying to spend quality time with you and you are making it unpleasant.
    via u/Impressive_Moment786
  • He stopped doing it after that. He still tries it every now and then and I just look at him and say "do you want to do it?" and he gets the hint.
    via u/Impressive_Moment786
  • Leather_Watch_8... NTA - I think you need to talk to him about these feelings and be completely honest about how it makes you feel. If you just avoid without being honest, it's likely going to look like you don't care about something
    via u/Leather_Watch_8032
  • that means a lot to him. My bf cooks better than me and does this a little as well and whenever it made me feel off, I'd simply tell him immediately and he would respect that and work with me. I do enjoy being taught personally but not everyone wants that and that's okay.
    via u/Leather_Watch_8032
  • He probably genuinely wants to help you learn the way he likely did, so just tell him that isn't something you're worried about and what you're looking for in those moments.
    via u/Leather_Watch_8032
  • Stoic_STFU Tell him this: I don't want to be "brought up to a level." I just want to chop vegetables without feeling like I'm being evaluated.- and a solution for you to expand your repertoire of things you make is YouTube - you can follow instructions pausing when needed and do this when he's not in the kitchen with you. No pressure.
    via u/Stoic_STFU
  • ThePythiaofApollo I used to date a chef who was a graduate of the Culinary Institute of America and he was always delighted when I cooked for him. My mother, to this day, gives me notes like she's a judge on Iron Chef America. Have a talk with your husband without accusing him of making you feel like a child. Perhaps it's time to relegate cooking solely to him while you do dishes.
    via u/ThePythiaofApollo
  • A... NTA but you need to talk with him. Let him know that you are in it for the companionship and experience of sharing something he loves. Any learning is a byproduct rather than the point. That means he can talk about how flavors come together but leaves your knife skills alone unless you ask.
    via u/Adorable-Buy3845
  • But it's also possible that he isn't able to have things done "wrong" and maybe you are better off just watching him cook and keeping him company for togetherness.
    via u/Adorable-Buy3845
  • He needs to be on board with the point of cooking together being bonding time rather than a lesson. Together, come up with ways to help both of your needs be met. Maybe that means one afternoon a month is lessons, maybe it means you concentrate on
    via u/Adorable-Buy3845
  • table setting while he cooks, and maybe you try to find a happy medium by cooking together but having a warning signal when you feel that he's become more teacher than companion.
    via u/Adorable-Buy3845
  • larmstrla15 are up with these comments?? Girl, my husband is a golf instructor and when we go hit balls we have a standing rule that if I want help i'll ask. Why? Because we're out doing a fun couple thing! Its not serious, all these people sound like they took soccer real serious in PE. NTA, why would I want to do anything if you're going to constantly correct/undermine me?
    via u/larmstrla15
  • Garden_gnome1... You talked to him and he decided to ignore your wishes and continue to treat you like a child who needs to be taught. Tell him you have no interest in him "bringing you up to his level" and that you're perfectly capable of
    via u/Garden_gnome1609
  • learning by doing - which I'm sure is how he learned to cook. Once you've told him that, the next time he starts his sh - leave the kitchen. Put your knife down and walk away. Just refuse to participate in this.
    via u/Garden_gnome1609
  • cuzguys What you wrote is exactly what you should be saying to him. Not everyone needs to be the head liner. Some people just want to be part of the show.
    via u/cuzguys
  • Knittingfairy091... NTA However, I would rephrase 1 last time before giving it up for good "I would love to have enjoyable quality time in the kitchen with you. However,
    via u/Knittingfairy09113
  • that will not happen with your current behavior. I have O interest in getting to your level. Nothing about the idea appeals to me so you can accept that and we can spend the time together or you will be cooking alone."
    via u/Knittingfairy09113

Want More? Follow Us and Add Us as a Preferred Source on Google.

Tags

long term relationship relationship advice healthy marriage relationship marriage cooking relationship status marriage-drama story healthy relationship
Scroll Down For The Next Article