Fickle mother attempts to extort the $40,000 debt her 28-year-old daughter owes her after the mother pressures her into homeownership, daughter goes no-contact: ‘I simply couldn’t trust her…'

Author image for Elna McHilderson
Elna McHilderson • Managing Editor
Mar 15, 2026 6:00 PM EDT

It is said that a mother's love is unconditional. However, it turns out that just is not true for some mothers, like this one who pressured her daughter to borrow $40k from her to buy an apartment and become a homeowner, but then used said debt against her. Family drama always tends to sprout when money is involved… Now, the family dynamic is donezo, and the only interaction they have is for her daughter to make her monthly payments. 

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  • Mother and adult daughter looking stern
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    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.
    Mother and adult daughter looking stern

  • "AITA for kicking my mom out of the apartment she bought for me?"

    I (28F) have been living and working independently in another city for several years, far from my family. I also live with my boyfriend and we had been paying rent
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  • together. My family is aware of him and our situation, and they generally seem okay with it. For context, my family is quite small-just my
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  • mom, my older brother, and me. My dad passed away a long time ago. My brother and I are very close, but neither of us is close with our mom. Growing up, she was a very controlling
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  • Keeping drama out of a family is not the easiest thing in the world. When you get that close with another human being, there is bound to be some snags, especially if it is a closeness you were born into and not forged on your own (like a bestie). It takes lots of love, understanding, and patience. It sounds like this daughter was trying her best to give her fickle mother the benefit of the doubt and consider her motherly gifts as unconditional. However, she quickly felt dumb and like she should have known better, because she had known since she was young that her mother was not dependable. A difficult realization for a daughter to have, but, like I said, drama is hard to keep out of that kind of relationship. (Keeps the therapists in business tho!)

  • mother and often guilt- tripped us. She gets upset whenever we express different opinions or try to set personal boundaries. She usually accuses us of being ungrateful or
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  • difficult when things don't go her way and reminds us that she "sacrificed so much for us," so we should behave a certain way.
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  • Even though I live the farthest from home, it can be challenging sometimes, but I still feel very free and relieved.
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  • One day, my mom told. me she wanted to buy me an apartment in the city where I work so I could settle down. In my country, housing is extremely expensive, so many people my age
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  • can't afford to buy a home yet. Obviously, it would have been a huge help. However, due to our history, I was worried that accepting it would come with expectations, making it
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  • easy for her to control my life. I would rather never have a house than lose my freedom. So, I said no. But she kept calling and texting me about it nonstop. After several days of
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  • constantly blowing my phone up, I asked my mom very clearly if there were any conditions attached. She said no-she just wanted me to have an apartment as an asset
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  • for my future. So, I eventually agreed. This is where things started getting complicated.
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  • My mom said she was comfortable giving me a budget of around $180,000 to buy an apartment. I agreed. Then, without warning, she flew in and showed up at my place. I hate
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  • unannounced visits, but she claimed that as my mother, she could come whenever she wanted. She ended up staying at my house for an entire month to "help" me find an apartment. She
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  • constantly criticized my home, interrupted me while I was working, and even walked into my office when I had clients. That month completely turned my life upside down.
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  • After searching diligently and putting my life on hold, I finally found a 3-bedroom apartment for $172,000, which is quite rare in my city. My mom agreed and said she would fly
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  • back home to prepare the money. However, right after she got home, she changed her mind. She said she only wanted to give me $150,000 instead because she had other
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  • things to do. With that reduced budget, the best I could find was a 2-bedroom apartment. I explained that it wouldn't work for me. I already need two
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  • rooms just for myself- one bedroom and one separate room for my music studio (since I'm a producer, I need a sound treatment room for clients to work). On top of that, my
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  • boyfriend also needs a workspace, and we're planning to get married within the next couple of years. I've always rented 3-bedroom apartments for this reason.
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  • So, I suggest that I borrow about $40,000 from the bank and pay the difference myself. I told her that way, I would take responsibility for part of the cost, and she
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  • wouldn't feel pressured to stick to the original budget if she didn't want to. My mom was furious and accused me of being foolish for taking on a bank loan (this will matter later).
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  • Woman packing or unpacking into a new apartment
    via Unsplash+ (and Vitaly Gariev)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.
    Woman packing or unpacking into a new apartment

  • She then offered to lend me the missing $40,000 herself. I declined, saying that my boyfriend and I could manage a bank loan. At least with a bank, the monthly payments
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  • would be fixed. However, if I owed her money, she might suddenly demand a large sum back at any time for any reason, especially since she had a history of changing
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  • her mind and being inconsistent. She kept bombarding my phone and even called my boyfriend to make him convince me. After several days of this, she promised that my
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  • boyfriend and I would. only need to pay her $400 per month with no interest, and that she would never suddenly demand a significant amount of money. She also mentioned that she
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  • would handle buying the apartment and cover the upfront costs, and I would start paying back the missing amount later. (This would be important later.) Eventually, I agreed. I
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  • thought maybe she genuinely wanted to help. The day finally arrived, and I got the apartment. Moving in and purchasing essential
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  • furniture turned out to be quite expensive, and my mom knew I was financially strained. So, I asked if I could have two months to stabilize my work and finances before starting the
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  • monthly payments. She agreed. However, just three days later, she changed her mind again.
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  • She called and asked if I could transfer her $4,000 to cover some taxes and fees. I was shocked. I had just told her I was struggling financially, and those costs were supposed to
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  • be part of the expenses she had initially agreed to cover. I felt really disappointed, but I didn't want to seem ungrateful since she had bought the apartment. So, I told her
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  • the most I could send right now was $1,200, which was basically all I had. After sending her all the money I had, I told her I noticed a pattern in her
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  • behavior. She had already altered the budget, disregarded the two months she had agreed on, and now demanded a large payment that contradicted our
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  • agreement. Instead of explaining or apologizing, she shifted the conversation to her struggles in raising my brother and me. She claimed she only needed "a little help,"
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  • accused me of being too harsh, and mentioned some personal issues she couldn't disclose yet, assuring me that I would understand later.
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  • I informed my mom that, despite the challenging situation, it was still her money. I wasn't trying to control or question her plans for it. After everything happended, I simply didn't want to be
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  • entangled in her personal matters anymore. I needed to focus on getting my own life back on track, and I still had to repay her.
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  • She accepted the money I sent and then vanished. About a week later, she unexpectedly appeared at my place. That's when I discovered the truth.
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  • During that week, she had used my money to make a deposit for another apartment in the same city, very close to where I live. She informed me that she intended to use the
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  • paperwork from my apartment as collateral to secure a bank loan, enabling her to purchase the second apartment. Consequently, the loan would be in my name.
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  • I was furious. I reminded her that I had made it clear that I didn't want to be involved in her personal plans. Moreover, she had strongly
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  • discouraged me from taking a bank loan in the first place, and now she was seeking to obtain a significantly larger loan using my name. I asked about her repayment plan, since she was
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  • Man and woman signing paperwork
    via Unsplash+ (and Getty Images)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.
    Man and woman signing paperwork 

  • already retired. She claimed to have "many ways" to handle it and assured me that it wouldn't affect me. But I firmly told her that didn't make sense. If
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  • something unfortunate happened to her and she couldn't repay the loan, it would still legally be under my name. This would mean I'd be in debt to both my mom. and the bank, putting
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  • me at risk of losing the apartment altogether. After everything, I simply couldn't trust her to keep her word anymore. So, I refused to allow her to use my name and my apartment
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  • for the bank loan. She completely lost it. and began calling me ungrateful, disrespectful, and a bad daughter. Then, she demanded that I hand
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  • her my apartment paperwork so she could "keep it safe." I didn't. want to, but at that point, I simply wanted my peace and for her to leave my home. Since the apartment is legally
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  • in my name, she can't use it as collateral without my consent. So, I handed her the documents as she requested and told her to leave immediately.
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  • After she flew back home, she continued to send me long, angry messages saying i was cruel for not helping her. I no longer argued and gradually cut off contact with her. The only
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  • interaction we have now is the monthly payment I still send her. On New Year's Eve, I sent her a simple message wishing her a happy new year. She
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  • Honestly, bravo to this daughter! It is not easy to cut off a family member, especially your mom. Especially, especially after she makes a large purchase for you. She simply had high hopes that her mother was just being motherly, who could blame her! She should have denied the large purchase from the start, no matter how pushy her mom was, but she caved. Now she has to deal with the consequences of her fickle mother pushing her around and guilt-tripping her. 

    Luckily, the internet is on her side and helping her stand her ground! Well, as much as the internet can, at least. It's up to her to keep the no-contact going, even though she already broke it for New Year's Eve. But again, who can blame her?! It's her mother, after all, and the family was just her, her brother, and her brother. It's difficult to face the fact that your own mom is taking advantage of you. At least she realized it eventually! 

  • read it but didn't reply. About a month later, she finally responded with a very passive-aggressive message. She
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  • expressed her hope that the new year would teach me "how to behave properly" and that "good fortune comes to those with virtue."
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family drama mother homeowner real estate entitled family daughter apartment
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