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27 Ridiculous Dad Jokes That Will Make You Facepalm Hard

  • 1
    Text - Dad at the hospital doctor Dad hurt his wrist and had to go to the hospital where he talked to a Dad: When this heals will I be able to play the piano? Doctor: Yes, You'll be fine in a few days Dad: Perfect, I've always wanted to be able to play an instrument.
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  • 2
    Text - Last joke from my Grandpa... We were seeing him in the hospital for the last time with our family and at some point my aunt asked who of us want coffee. We counted coffee drinkers among us and my aunt said "Ok, I'll bring a full tray" My grandpa lifted his head for the last time and said "rather bring that in a cup, it's so hard to drink from the tray" He was amazing.
  • 3
    Text - 7:35 AM IIVerizon LTE 100% ICE Daddy Messages Edit 07:57. 07:57.3 Start Reset Broke 8 minutes on my first mile in about a month! Whoop! Im glad you are driving slower Text Message Send YUI QWERT O P ASD F G HJK L ZXCVBNM 123 return space
  • 4
    Text - Dec 26, 2012 2:14 PM Dad there's a moth on the outside of the bathroom door can you get rid of it? Pls hurry because I'm going to cry Dad Dad Dec 26, 2012 2:30 PM Dad is dead. You're next. Love, Moth
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  • 5
    Text - pizza chuckle-worthy Source morgrana morgrana Omg I was talking to my dad and I went omg I haven't shaved my legs for 2 weeks and then his face just dropped like he'd seen a ghost and he gasped then looked at me and whispered 1 completely forgot to shave my legs for 41 years 73,854 notes
  • 6
    Text - AT&T 11:10 AM 85% 1 of 364 All Inboxes From: Arend Hide To: Katie Study: Men With Smaller Testicles Are Better Fathers « CBS Atlanta September 11, 2013, 6:59 AM Sorry I wasn't a better father http://atlanta.cbslocal.com/2013/09/10/study men-with-smaller-testicles-are-better-fathers/ Sent from my iPad
  • 7
    Tree - This is my dad. His name is Cliff. DANGEROUS CLIFF STAY BACK
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  • 8
    Cartoon - Every damn time I brought a friend over as a pre-teen: Hi Susie! I like your sweater! Is it Felt? IT IS NOW!!! Well no, actually it's wool
  • 9
    Text - i've got some kind of allergic reaction going on and my face is breaking out in bad rash and my mom is freaking out and wants to take me to the ER and my dad was like "let's not make any rash decisions" and we high fived and now my mom is yelling at us 271,131 notes 11
  • 10
    Cartoon - Dad! It's so cold in here! Go stand in the corner Why? The corner is 90 degrees
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  • 11
    Text - 64% oo AT&T 4:19 PM Messages (6) Daddy Contact We just ate Ok so you can be here at 5? We'll see How does the turkey smell? Delivered guess through its beak iMessage Send Q W E R TYU O P F GHJ A SD K L C VBN M ZX X Q return 123 space
  • 12
    Text - I'm laying in bed reading a book when my dad walks in with a tape measure... About five feet away from me he stops and starts pushing the tape out to me. It gets closer and closer until it eventually smushes against my cheek. I ask him "What are you doing?" "I'm measuring your patience.
  • 13
    Food - My mom sent me this picture with the caption "Dad wants to know what he should eat first... He's just cracking himself up.."
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  • 14
    Text - My dad tells this joke to every new girlfriend I bring home. How do you sell a deaf man a chicken? Leans in close, takes a deep breath and screams at the top of his lungs: WANNA BUY A CHICKEN?!?!?
  • 15
    Text - meladoodle last christmas we bought a fake christmas tree and the guy behind the counter said to my dad 'are you going to put it up yourself?' and my dad said 'dont be disgusting.. im going to put it in the living room
  • 16
    Cola - homewreecker chemie-in-tha-ho... Source: swimdeepinw... + CoaCola CocaCoa zero staticpoison: swimdeepinwavves: my dad yelled "henessey come do a line of coke with me!" so i went to the kitchen and he set this up oh my god this makes it sound like you were totally up for doing a line of actual coke with your father 109,417 notes
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  • 17
    Text - A proud new dad sits down to have a drink with his father "Well son, now that you've got a kid of your own, I think it's time to give you this" "Dad, you don't mean-" "Yes son, I do" *Dad pulls out copy of 1001 Dad Jokes, 5th Edition* "Dad... I'm honoured...", he says, tears sparkling in his eyes. "Hi honoured", replies his father. "I'm dad"
  • 18
    Text - Gary Lineker @GaryLineker Follow Part of a tree has hit the car roof. Not too much damage, I think. pic.twitter.com/LkX5JarDIH Reply Retweet Favorite More 8,929 4,648 RETWEETS FAVORITES 9:54 AM -28 Oct 13 Flag media
  • 19
    Cake - My dad didn't have 19 candles, but he had a 4. So he said this cake is 4 your birthday...
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  • 20
    Text - [-] Lemanly [+1] 1401 points 9 hours ago (1735|335) A shoe permalink source parent report save-RES give gold reply [-] digitalmonkies bless you [+1] 2551 points 7 hours ago (454411994) permalink source parent report save-RES give gold reply
  • 21
    Technology - RALLEARN ANT TOP SECRET BOTTOM SECRET
  • 22
    Text - 5:31 PM 15% AT&T Dad Messages Edit On espn Sep 23, 2013, 9:02 AM Check on padi credit with your advisor. kk Sep 23, 2013, 4:53 PM Did ya hear about the kidnapping at school Sep 23, 2013, 5:19 PM no! What happened Sep 23, 2013, 5:30 PM It is ok he woke up god dammit Delivered Send iMessage
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  • 23
    Photo caption - In only two weeks Ilost my new glasses
  • 24
    Text - occasionalawesome screamingcrawfish Source: hoebama hoebama hoebama i have this teacher and every time u ask him a question instead of saying "no" he says "fraid not" and pulls out a frayed knot he keeps in his pocket 18,360 notes Publish
  • 25
    Text - My son is starting school soon and thinks the other children will pick on him because of his name... (self.dadjokes) submitted 1 day ago by madazza hatter 55 comments share save hide report crosspost I said, "Don't be silly, Someoneyourownsize! Why would anyone pick on you?!"
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  • 26
    Text - What starts with an E and ends with an E, but often only has one letter? (self.dadjokes) submitted 8 days ago* by sacca7 303 comments share save hide report crosspost An Envelope
  • 27
    Text - The easiest word to spell (self.dadjokes) submitted 24 days ago by kaizersozen 68 comments share save hide report crosspost People have always told me that icy is the easiest word to spell, and now that I think about it, i see why

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