Mom lies about son turning down Ivy League school to attend cheaper state school to his 17-year-old cousin: 'The real version is that I applied to a school I really wanted, got rejected, and ended up at a state university.'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Mar 14, 2026 8:00 PM EDT

She couldn't face the shame of her son getting rejected from his dream school 12 years after it happened. He went to a state school and had no shame about it. 

If you're eight years out of undergrad and you're still upset that you didn't get into Duke or Columbia, you need to get a grip. A student who could have thrived at an Ivy League school should absolutely be able to thrive at a state school, and if you were "too smart" for the state school you attended, you probably weren't as smart as you thought you were. Smart people can adapt to whatever situation they find themselves in, becoming top performers because they are much more talented than the average student admitted to their school. 

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  • A man in a graduation gown sitting on some steps
    via Olivia Anne Snyder

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Some top students opt to attend a lower-ranked institution because they'll get a lot more financial aid. I went to high school with an incredibly smart girl who got a full ride to the University of Nebraska, and she took it, because they were giving her a whole lot more money than the in-state University of Texas would have! I also knew a guy in college at Ohio State who had gotten into Columbia, but didn't attend because he couldn't afford it, even with financial aid. He was one of the most involved and highly awarded students I knew at Ohio State, and he might not have received all the accolades and opportunities he did if he had gone to Columbia, where he would've had to focus on making enough money to pay for school. 

    The student in this story didn't get into his dream school, but he still thrived in adulthood. His mom, on the other hand, is still not over his rejection and chooses to lie about it to friends and family. 

  • Am I the bad guy for correcting my mom in front of extended family about why I didn't go to my first choice college?

    My mom has been telling a version of my college story for about twelve years that isn't true.
    via u/Gossamer_Kestr2
  • The real version is that I applied to a school I really wanted, got rejected, and ended up at a state university that turned out to be a genuinley good fit.
    via u/Gossamer_Kestr2
  • I graduated, built a career I'm proud of, and made peace with how it went a long time ago.
    via u/Gossamer_Kestr2
  • The version my mom tells is different. In her version I got in, the family couldn't swing the finances, and I made the mature and selfless. choice to attend the state school instead.
    via u/Gossamer_Kestr2
  • She tells this story with real emotion. I've heard it at holidays, at dinners with relatives, to her coworkers.
    via u/Gossamer_Kestr2
  • A group of people sitting around a table eating food
    via Brock Wegner (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Every single time I go quiet and let it go. Last month my cousin was going through her own college applications and my aunt brought the story up at a family get- together, specifically pointing to my "sacrifice" as an example for my cousin to admire.
    via u/Gossamer_Kestr2
  • My cousin turned and asked me directly what it felt like to give that up. I said, as calmly as could, that I actually wasn't accepted, that I had been rejected, and that there was nothing noble about my decision. because there was no decision.
    via u/Gossamer_Kestr2
  • My mom left the room immediately. She didn't speak to me for four days and told my aunt I had humiliated her.
    via u/Gossamer_Kestr2
  • My dad said I should have just let it go one more time because the story wasn't hurting anyboddy.
    via u/Gossamer_Kestr2
  • I disagree. My cousin is seventeen and making real choices based partly on real people's real
    via u/Gossamer_Kestr2
  • I didn't want her modeling herself after something that never happened. TL;DR: My mom told everyone for years I heroically chose a cheaper school over my dream school.
    via u/Gossamer_Kestr2
  • I was rejected. I corrected the story in front of family when my teenage cousin was being told to look up to my sacrifice and my mom hasn't forgiven me.
    via u/Gossamer_Kestr2
  • Brown concrete building on college campus
    via Michael Marsh

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Motive_6Nexu Right, and the cousin asked directly. It wasn't some random dinner where OP could just go quiet again. She looked at them and asked what it felt like. At that point staying quiet isn't keeping the peace, it's actively lying to a seventeen year old's face.
    via u/Motive_6Nexu
  • Gossamer_Kestr2 Original Poster's Reply That was the part that got me. Once she asked me directly, I wasn't gonna sit there and help sell some fake life lesson to a 17 year old.
    via u/Gossamer_Kestr2
  • Helpful_Leather8917 ? No nta. That's insane. Do you live with your mum? She sounds insane to twist the story like that.
    via u/Helpful_Leather8917
  • Gossamer_Kestr2 Original Poster's Reply No, I moved out years ago. That's part of why it got so weird. She kept polishing it into some noble family myth and I just got tired of being cast in it.
    via u/Gossamer_Kestr2
  • Feeling_Fill_4277 Kudos for calmly correcting it teens learn more from honesty than exaggerated heroics
    via u/Feeling_Fill_4277
  • Gossamer_Kestr2 Original Poster's Reply That was my thinking too. I didn't need her to look at me like some saint over a story that never even happened.
    via u/Gossamer_Kestr2
  • Electronic-Art8749 Bro, srsly, NTJ. Your mom isn't "hurt" bc you told the truth, she's humiliated bc she cant use your lifew as a prop for her ego anymore... turning your rejection into a 'heroic sacrifice' wasn't for your benefit.. it was so she wouldn't have to tell her sisters that kid didn't get in.. you did your cousin a huge favor by showin her that rejection isn't the end of the world and that you can STILL be successful w/o that 'dream school', imo.
    via u/Electronic-Art8749
  • Gossamer_Kestr2 Original Poster's Reply Yeah, that part rings true. It never felt like she was protecting me, more like she was rewriting it so the rejection sounded better to everyone else.
    via u/Gossamer_Kestr2
  • Fantastic_Chance_380 You did the right thing ur cousin deserves to hear the real story not a fabricated sacrifice
    via u/Fantastic_Chance_380
  • laxtercrass Not really, you just told the truth when you were asked directly. Correcting misinformation isn't disrespect.
    via u/laxtercrass
  • Warm-Penalty2947 I can't make sense of it. What does she stand to gain?
    via u/Warm-Penalty2947
  • Used Clock_4627 NTJ. But your parents sure are. Your mom for her attention seeking ways and your dad for enabling it at your expense. And frankly your cousin NEEDS to know there's a chance that she might not get accepted, for any numbers of reasons, to her first choice school. That way it won't come as a disappointment, just as a part of being an adult. Good for you for giving your cousin the truth.
    via u/Used Clock_4627
  • synde15 NTA- I understand. My mom told her friends I was an interpreter at the UN. I have never been to NYC. I have never been an interpreter.
    via u/synde-15
  • Moemoe5 So for 12 years your mom has been lying about your experience. If it was a lie about her life, that would be her business, but she's lying about OP. NTJ for setting the record straight. Too bad mom, stop discussing OP if you can't tell the truth.
    via u/Moemoe5

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parenting aunt family education Ivy League mom adult children college son cousin
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