21 Hilarious Tweets From People Who Have Already Mentally Logged Off

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  • 01
    grace @gracmc h&m stands for harold and maude 5:57 PM 7/23/21 Twitter for iPhone .
  • 02
    hotinebing.eth 2 @hotlneblng_ That is the dumbest sh I've ever heard, and I own NFTs. 4:55 AM · Jul 24, 2023-57.4K Views
  • 03
    stefan heck @boring_as_heck [mysterious old lady flips tarot card revealing a dude who looks exactly like me flying a hot air balloon into power lines] Me: is that good
  • 04
    HIDEO KOJIMA @HIDEO_KOJIMA_EN I still look for the "blue bird" when I start up Twitter on my phone. After a while, I remember the "black X". 9:57 PM 7/31/23 from Earth · 572K Views •
  • 05
    kenji @tangledloverr what if mayonnaise came in cans 10:57 PM 26 Oct 25 59.9M Views 56.9K Retweet 59.6K Quote Tweets 5.69M Likes ↑ jamess @chewycandy_ · 10/26 Replying to @tangledloverr that would s k because u can't microwave metal 4,665 189.9K 566K 86.9M A. Warner ✰ @aaronwarner - 10/26 Replying to @chewycandy_ What is wrong with both of you. 1B 71B 1B Il 1B
  • 06
    Big B For All Weather @fixyourheartsor guest rapper on gorillaz song: i been in ends since ten kicking product round the bend, my mum d d of tuberculosis i'm slipping into psychosis Damon Albarn on the chorus: ooooooh flimsy steve, where did you go, what have you seen 12:06 PM - 26 Aug 21.Twitter for Android
  • 07
    Rosa @rosabellewolff if i had a boyfriend i would be really nice to him and let him go outside sometimes 08:45 PM 13 Dec 25 809 Views . 33 Retweet 10 Quote Tweets 538 Likes jamess @chewycandy_ • 12/13 ... Replying to @rosabellewolff 32 1712 568 Ill 569 ↑ @aaronwarner - 12/13 ... A. Warner Replying to @chewycandy_ Put your hand down. 1B 1B 1B ılı 1B ↑
  • 08
    @Cheese CakePCK My favourite kid I ever taught when I was a swim teacher was this little 4- year-old Italian boy. One time he sneezed and nobody said anything so he just went "what? No bless yous for Giacomo?" 7:00 PM - 3/13/22 Twitter Web App
  • 09
    kenji @tangledloverr what if mayonnaise came in cans 10:57 PM 26 Oct 25 59.9M Views 56.9K Retweet 59.6K Quote Tweets 5.69M Likes ↑ jamess @chewycandy_ · 10/26 Replying to @tangledloverr that would s k because u can't microwave metal 4,665 189.9K 566K 86.9M A. Warner ✰ @aaronwarner - 10/26 Replying to @chewycandy_ What is wrong with both of you. 1B 71B 1B Il 1B
  • 10
    frog "Philip K. Dickgirl" kosaric @yurirando Follow when they burned the library of Alexandria the crowd cheered in horrible joy. They understood that there was something older than wisdom, and it was fire, and something truer than words, and it was ashes Theo Fanning @TheoFanning. 4/14/22 After 50 years, Guitar Center finally makes the correct decision to stop using a guitar as a 'G' in their logo. Why it took that long is still anyone's guess. Guitar Center 3:11 PM - 4/14/22 From Earth ❤Guitar
  • 11
    Grayson @KnightFleck Follow You embarrassed me in front of vanessa 1:37 PM - 7/13/21 From Earth Att
  • 12
    Shawn Romero @ZombieHunter Oct 31, 2021 GUYS!!! Just k led about 10 zombies today at my front door! I can't believe I was right!!! 12 17 60 Jasmine Janszoon @JasmineJanszoon Oct 31, 2021 Shawn, it's Halloween 2 27 1 Shawn Romero @ZombieHunter Oct 31, 2021 Sh.. 27 1 1 L→ ↑ ...
  • 13
    Pal @unsuiii (banging on car window of girl in parking lot putting on makeup); you don't need that. You're beautiful naturally. (Trying to open door) 21/06/2017, 13:27
  • 14
    John Kennedy @FrazzleMyGimp ME: Can I buy you a drink? HER: I have a boyfriend. ME: {counting coins on the table} He can only get something small then. 11:29 16 May 18 Twitter for iPhone •
  • 15
    KATRINA JADE @kj_fetishmodel Me: I'm not even that goth Also Me: Sits in a dark house with only one candle lit with Nine Inch Nails playing low in the background 11/9/18, 5:15 AM
  • 16
    dan mentos @DanMentos me: any historical figure? wizard: that's right [later at dinner] Beethoven: you seem disappointed me: *hiding dog treats* it's fine 12:20 PM 11/18/17 Twitter for iPhone 37.4K Retweets 147K Likes
  • 17
    PRIYANKA @priyankachopra To say or not to say. That is the question!!! Lol! 1:51 PM - Nov 1, 2014 · Twitter for iPhone 822 Retweets 7 Quote Tweets 921 Likes
  • 18
    kel @tsumugiphone almost just bought a matt watson supermega nascar shirt for 40 dollars but i used my critical thinking skills and bought the ryan one instead
  • 19
    Funny Tweets Derrick Barry @DerrickBarry She thinks I can't keep her name out of my mouth, yet she can't keep plaque out of hers. 20:22 19 Jun 22 ⚫ Twitter for iPhone 468 Retweets 235 Quote Tweets 9,424 Likes 27 о
  • 20
    Idris @Crhedrys Follow Me when Ronaldo move to Juventus Idc FIFA adidas Fly Emirates 1:56 PM - 3 Jul 2018
  • 21
    MacMally @MacMallyMMA Follow every couple of weeks i call around to the major insurance companies and make sure my girlfriend hasnt taken out a life insurance policy on me. i might watch too much. forensic files.

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