Nurse receives $750 bonus for referring brother-in-law for job, he gets offended when she won't share it with him: 'It's not like I stole the money'

Referral bonuses are one of the few things about modern working environments that feel like a win-win situation. The referrer gets some money, the referred person gets a job, and the company gets a new hire who has the seal of approval from an already trusted employee. In theory, everybody involved gets some kind of benefit that they should be more than happy with. If somebody is able to take advantage of this opportunity in their workplace, it is usually a no-brainer.

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  • A male nurse wearing surgical gloves holds a syringe
    via Elen Sher

    A male nurse wearing surgical gloves holds a syringe 

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • One of the nice things about being able to refer people to a job is that it is an opportunity to help qualified family and friends find employment in an increasingly challenging job market. Working with individuals who you are close to outside of the workplace can occasionally cause some trouble, but that doesn't mean that they should be passed up when a good referral scheme comes along. So long as they are competent employees and are understanding of how the system works, there should not be any issues. It should be one of those times when networking feels like a worthwhile exercise, and not something people do just so they have something to post about on LinkedIn.

  • Am I wrong for not giving my bonus to my brother-in-law?

    I (28F) have a BIL (30M) who feels as though I'm being extremely unfair to him by not giving him my referral bonus.
    via Dropit-likeitshot
  • For context, him, my husband (32M), and myself are all registered nurses. We live on the west coast and him the east coast. We all have done travel nursing contracts on and off over the last 6 years. My last recruiter was awesome, so I referred my BIL to her/the agency she works for. When I started with this company, my husband referred me. The company pays you $750 dollars after
    via Dropit-likeitshot
  • the nurse you referred has worked for 8 weeks. The person working also receives a smaller bonus of $250. Many companies have incentives like this.
    via Dropit-likeitshot

  • A nurse was left feeling regret after referring her husband's brother to the same healthcare recruiter that she had used previously. She, her husband, and her brother-in-law were all nurses, and the recruiter offered a scheme where the referee received $750, and the new recruit received $250.

    Once he got the job, her brother-in-law began contacting her husband, pressuring him to share the $750 with him. He also began to get in contact with her and demand the money, claiming that he was the one who deserved it, as he was the one working the job.

    The woman refused, and her husband started to receive texts accusing her of being a toxic person. She wanted confirmation that she was not the one in the wrong.

  • Over the last few weeks, my BIL has been making comments over text and over the phone to my husband, saying things like "send me that money when you get it". Or "let's split that bonus money". He thinks it's my husband who is getting the bonus, but really it's me. I let my husband shut him down and deal with it trying not to get involved. Things took a turn last Friday.
    via Dropit-likeitshot
  • Last Friday marked 8 weeks he's been working on contract for the company. He got his $250 so he knows the payment was made to my husband (me). He started harassing my husband over text saying he deserves the money instead because he's the one working. My husband told him to knock it off,
    via Dropit-likeitshot
  • and that I'm the one that got the bonus anyways. He started texting me saying he's owed this money, again saying he's the one thats working the contract not me. I told him no, and if I didn't refer him, he would have gotten no bonus even if it is smaller. Like just be grateful for extra free money. But he kept on it, saying it's unfair. I told him this is just
    via Dropit-likeitshot
  • the way it goes. I made the company money for recruiting you, so I get paid more. It's not like I stole the money from him or anything. It was direct deposited to me. I stopped responding to his texts thinking that was the end of it.
    via Dropit-likeitshot
  • The next day, he started texting my husband telling him he needs to ditch me, I'm extremely toxic and entitled, I sk, and many more not very nice things. My husband of course got very mad and stuck up for me. He hasn't talked to either of us since.
    via Dropit-likeitshot
  • Now I'm starting to feel bad that this has caused a family fight and don't think money should come between family. But at the same time, you can't bu y me into giving you something that's mine and treat me like garbage. I never told my husband I should get his bonus, and I know my BIL wouldn't give it to me if it was the other way around.
    via Dropit-likeitshot
  • A male nurse wearing surgical gloves opens the packaging of a small piece of medical equipment
    via Elen Sher

    A male nurse wearing surgical gloves opens the packaging of a small piece of medical equipment

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • ogo7 NTA. He got a bonus, why should he also get yours? Do yourself a favor and never mix him in with any business arrangement again. Don't send him anything and never refer him again.
    via ogo7
  • tall-not-small Makes you wonder how good a nurse he is. I wouldn't want someone with that attitude caring for me
    via tall-not-small
  • Dropit-likeitshot Original Poster's Reply While he doesn't necessarily deserve it, to his defense, he is a good nurse and employee. His behavior is just garbage
    via Dropit-likeitshot
  • cressidacole Does this whiny man understand that he too can now refer people? NTA.
    via cressidacole
  • Dropit-likeitshot Original Poster's Reply I said this to him! Like of all the hospitals you've worked and all the people you meet, I'm sure you could refer quite a few people, no? Travel nurses rarely use just 1 agency to find work
    via Dropit-likeitshot
  • LongjumpingDrawing36 Uh... I don't get your BIL at all. It's common for places to pay the referrer for a successful hire. Everyone understands the referrer gets the bonus--and the hire gets a paying job. I guess your BIL is like this because... uh... I've got nothin'. You're NTA for sure, I kind of think your BIL is either in money trouble or he's out there where the buses don't run. Maybe both.
    via LongjumpingDrawing36
  • Dropit-likeitshot Original Poster's Reply If he was in money troubles of some kind i think it would be a different story, but he isn't. ☺
    via Dropit-likeitshot
  • Additional_Lead3616 Question: without this referral would be in a less desirable position? I would incredibly tempted to reverse that referral. Or never refer him again- for anything.
    via Additional_Lead3616
  • Dropit-likeitshot Original Poster's Reply Unfortunately I don't think that is possible. But no, without it he would be doing and getting paid exactly the same except for the bonus money.
    via Dropit-likeitshot
  • UncleCeiling I think what they are asking is, would he even have been offered the job at all without the referral? The reason companies offer referral bonuses is it lets the existing employees pre-select candidates who might be a good fit. Without your referral, not only might he be out $250, he might not have received a job at all.
    via UncleCeiling
  • Dropit-likeitshot Original Poster's Reply Probably not this exact job, or with this company no. He would have found a job eventually but maybe not in his preferred hospital/location/pay package. And he would have been stuck with a way worse recruiter. He's has bad ones before. This recruiter is amazing. I worked with her for over a year and she was extremely helpful and responsive to me. I've had horrible recruiters in the past too that stop caring after day 1 of your assignment and essentially
    via Dropit-likeitshot
  • theangleofdarkness99 NTA. My company has a referral program with different payouts depending on the role being filled. All the money goes to the employee making the referral. It's generally around 1-3 weeks of pay distributed over 9-months. I've bought dinner for successful referrals, but I keep the money.
    via theangleofdarkness99
  • Dropit-likeitshot Original Poster's Reply I worked for a large system that did the same. Some bonuses for in demand positions went up to 10k per referral. Glad I never referred him there. Sheesh lol
    via Dropit-likeitshot
  • Bellagrrl2021 NTA. Your BIL is a bu y. It is unfortunate that this has caused a rift in your family, but he has to learn that he can't bu y people, especially when he is wrong. Referral bonuses go to the person who is doing the referring. I would worry about your BIL causing trouble at work.
    via Bellagrrl2021
  • Dropit-likeitshot Original Poster's Reply Thankfully we do not work together, but lesson learned. I'll never do this again. Money or no money involved. It's not worth the drama. I thought I was being nice because she genuinely is a good recruiter. He complained about the last few he had. It's not like I referred him just for the money.
    via Dropit-likeitshot

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