Woman treats her friend’s home like a free event venue for her kid’s birthday, keeps pushing boundaries with demands, then changes the location and doesn’t invite the friend

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  • Woman standing in a bright living room, talking on the phone while adjusting flowers on a table.
  • Friend asked to use my home for her child’s birthday party and then uninvited me

    Friend wanted to celebrate their child's birthday in my party room because "it's a special number they are turning".
  • I asked why she can't use her own home and she said it's because mine is kid friendly.
  • I told her I'd prefer if she had the party elsewhere like a community centre or other public event spaces.
  • She came back to me a few weeks later saying they were too expensive or far away and then asked again if she can use my place for the party.
  • By booking our space, she would be saving hundred of dollars on the venue. I agreed with the caveat that we keep it to a maximum number of people, we keep to the booking time, and she has to get her own guests from the lobby.
  • It was important to clarify this to her because my partner and I had hosted a huge party for her a year prior, which had way more people invited and we found ourselves not enjoying ourselves the whole time as we had to monitor the guests and retrieve people from the lobby throughout the event because many guests came later than the stated start time on the invitations.
  • We also didn't enjoy attending the party because we were busy setting up, coordinating the games, monitoring the guests, and cleaning the room after.
  • Two weeks before her child's birthday party, she tells me she wants to change the party time to an hour later due to her child's change in nap times.
  • She also went over my max number of guests because she had already invited people before I had agreed and it would be too awkward to disinvite them, as well and all the grandparents had to come too.
  • I told her I will not be cancelling the booking and if we can keep to the original time.
  • Woman sitting on a kitchen counter, looking off to the side with a calm, thoughtful expression.
  • She eventually told me to cancel the party because I seemed too stressed out. Mind you I was willing to work with her but she was unwilling to compromise.
  • She also did not offer to compensate for my time and efforts, only offering to pay the cost of the room booking that my strata charges for the room.
  • Which was also the case for the previous big party that we hosted for her. I found out through social media that she still had a birthday party for her child but neither my partner or I were invited.
  • We feel hurt because it seems like she only wanted us there if we could provide the venue and coordinate the
  • I also have to mention that we live in a luxury condo with a lot of amenities near the city centre.
  • We also feel like she took advantage of our living situation and has been treating our home like a community centre for her to impress all her friends with.
  • We do not feel like guests that can enjoy these parties because there's so much liability and work to do when the parties are held in our home.
  • She's also asked me earlier this year if she could use one of my party rooms for her birthday party which she eventually decided. not to do because she didn't want to clean up at the end of the night.
  • Edit: Thanks for all the advice. I appreciate the insight from other people. I really should've said no after the first party but it's hard for me to say no sometimes especially to long term friends, which is something I am trying to work on.
  • I debated on whether I should post my experience here and how I should proceed with this friendship moving forward but the resounding opinion is pretty clear.
  • PartyCustard3125 She most definitely is not your friend. She is a user. Do not let her use you and your party rooms again. Do not worry about hurting her feelings because she doesn't give 2 sh s about yours. If she asks why you are all of a sudden saying no to using her party rooms tell her the truth, because you and your spouse are tired of being used for them. And she didn't want to clean up after her party? Did she expect you to clean up after her parties? Wow.
  • balletcorg Original Poster's Reply My partner and I are child free and she has a child that has an early bed time. Not sure if she was hinting that we do the clean up on our own after she leaves
  • Isopod Independent553 I seriously hope you never let these people throw a party in your home again. You should take some time to reevaluate your friendship with this person. The fact that you weren't even invited to the party after everything that you did for her just shows that she doesn't value you.
  • Good_Fly_7500 If you are child free how is your home more kid friendly than hers?
  • balletcorg Original Poster's Reply It's a condo amenity that residents can book for a fee. It's a kids party room
  • Isopod Independent553 I am so sorry for your loss, and it is a huge loss to lose a close friend. I experienced a similar loss about fifteen years ago and it still hurts. It's worse than going through a break up with a romantic partner in a lot of ways. Please be good to yourself during this time. I'm giving you internet hugs (if you want. them).
  • balletcorg Original Poster's Reply Thank you for the message. I truly appreciate it. There have been some less empathetic comments on here about my situation and how I deserve how my friend treated me. It's a lot more nuanced than I can put to words on a reddit post.
  • DueEnvironment8252 She's ar de and entitled user and not your friend. I'm child free but 90% of my friends have kids and we've thrown parties multiple times. There's never been an instance where myself or any of my friends with kids, haven't stayed behind to clean up afterwards. She's not a good person. The so-called friendship has ran its course and that's fine. P.S... You're a great friend and your feelings do matter
  • balletcorg Original Poster's Reply Thank you!
  • Natures VividPictures Just block her number at this point. She just wants to use the facility she doesn't give a party favor about you.
  • balletcorg Original Poster's Reply She also asks to take her family over to use my pool. I tell her no every time because that does not seem enjoyable for me at all. I'm taking "can I bring my mom over" and a child that is not potty trained yet. She's mentioned a couple times how she doesn't like community centre pools.
  • Jazzlike-Pomelo-2501 Did I read that right? You have a lobby in your home?
  • balletcorg Original Poster's Reply It's a condo that we have to retrieve guests from the lobby and take them to the party room via an elevator
  • Lazy-Instruction-600 Wow. That really makes this worse. She took advantage of your kindness and big heart. That's not ok. My sister has always acted like offering to do something for someone in repayment of a favor is just as good as actually doing it. These people definitely take the old adage, “It's the thought that counts" WAY too far. Offering to do something nice is NOT the same as doing something nice for someone. I think what bothers me more than wanting to use your space is the fact that
  • balletcorg Original Poster's Reply Thank you for your comment. I was flabbergasted when she asked again to use our home for more parties after all our efforts with the first one (which was 6 hours of work from set up of decorations/food/games to clean up). Whereas the actual party only lasted a bit over 2 hours for the guests that could come and go as they please. You would think having a friend host one party would be enough that you wouldn't ask for the favour again or at least think the polit
  • No-BSing-Here You don't deserve a decade long friend who was using you for whatever she could get. Please know that, you didn't deserve to be hurt. You've been through a lot together, both good and bad, over the years. It's hard to believe that someone who you've known for that long is being to mistreat you. Nobody wants to believe that a best friend would act like this. You said like the kind of people who when friends come over for a favour and you say yes. You don't hesitate. If you can help
  • balletcorg Original Poster's Reply Thank you for your kind words
  • RestlessDreamer 79 She most definitely was using you just as she did the first time. You are obviously a nice person, because you agreed to do it again. She's taking advantage of your kindness and definitely trying to show off with YOUR house... Do yourself a favor, drop her as a friend and get better ones. Edit:typo
  • balletcorg Original Poster's Reply Thank you. I will be dropping her as a friend

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