Employee attends funeral of husband's grandma who she knew for 35 years, manager claims she doesn't count for bereavement leave: 'She encouraged me to go to the funeral'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Apr 15, 2026 7:45 PM EDT

The last thing anybody wants to deal with while they're in mourning is the idea that they are causing a problem.

Unfortunately, many employers act like it is normal to see it that way. The vast majority of the workforce will experience some kind of bereavement throughout their careers, and how their management or company deals with that can feel like the luck of the draw. A lot of places are not going to show an appropriate amount of sensitivity.

The biggest reason for this is that most funerals do not really respect the timetable of traditional working hours. This means that employees have to take time off to attend them, and of course, anything that takes them away from the most important task of doing their job is a massive inconvenience.

One of the worst things to experience at work is going through a tough time that is not treated with the appropriate care or consideration, and this is common with those who lose somebody close to them. Fitting in the mourning period around work adds another headache to an already painful experience. What should be so simple can be unnecessarily complicated by those who need to overexplain a completely understandable absence.

 

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  • A woman sitting on a bench in a cemetery, holding an open umbrella above her head in one hand and red carnations in the other
    via Kateryna Hliznitsova (Unsplash+)

    A woman sitting on a bench in a cemetery, holding an open umbrella above her head in one hand and red carnations in the other

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • When an employee suffered the bereavement of her husband's grandmother, the CEO of the nonprofit she worked for encouraged her to take time off to attend the funeral, which was out of state. She had known the grandma for over thirty years, having met her husband at 18.

    She took two days to pay her respects, but when she got back to work, it seemed like circumstances had changed. She was told that her husband's grandmother didn't count for bereavement leave, and the days would have to be taken from her PTO. Despite her reminder that they had previously had an agreement, she wasn't willing to let it go.

     

  • CEO said grandma doesn't count

    My husband's grandmother d d. She was 92 and had been a part of my life for 35 years. I met my husband when we were 18. I've know Grandma Wilson longer then I haven't known her. When she dd, my
    via Pir8inthedesert
  • CEO of a nationally known nonprofit organization encouraged me to take off to go to the funeral. She said I could use flex time. I'm in a salaried, leadership position. The funeral was out of state and I took 2 days off. Friday and Monday because the funeral was
    via Pir8inthedesert
  • Cheezburger Image 10623928576
    via Kateryna Hliznitsova (Unsplash+)

    A woman holding an umbrella over her head while placing red carnations on a grave

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • on Saturday. I answered all phone calls, emails, and fixed an employee's expense report to resubmit before the deadline. When I turned in my time sheet, my CEO came into my office and said "your husband's grandma doesn't count for bereavement." and I'd have to
    via Pir8inthedesert
  • use PTO (we only get 3 hours of pto (which includes sick leave) per pay check for a total of 78 hours for the year). I reminded her we discussed flex time and that I worked during my time out of office and she said she would spilt the difference and charge me 8
    via Pir8inthedesert
  • hours. She's the definition of a bad boss. I'm officially disgruntled.
    via Pir8inthedesert
  • A woman holding an umbrella over her head stands in the middle of a cemetery
    via Kateryna Hliznitsova (Unsplash+)

    A woman holding an umbrella over her head stands in the middle of a cemetery

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Puzzleheaded-Sale-91 Read the policy I have never seen a bereavement policy that did not include spouses grandparents
    via Puzzleheaded-Sale-91
  • Pir8inthedesert Original Poster's Reply We never discussed bereavement. We discussed flex time which is why I answered calls and emails while I was out. If I knew she was going to charge me pto, I wouldn't have worked while I was out.
    via Pir8inthedesert
  • SportySue60 CEO is awful... Usually a grandparent is considered immediate family and usually counts for bereavement... I mean sounds like you only get 10 days off a year and that includes sick time??? This job totally s ks! I am sorry for your loss and oh I'd be looking for another job!
    via SportySue60
  • Cream Jealous939 The best way to lose an employee is f with their bereavement. You can fix a problem with payroll. You can't fix making them feel like sh and stressed right after a family member d. d. I have seen people with long careers leave because of sh like. this.
    via CreamJealous939
  • Deansdiatribes why are you there still?
    via Deansdiatribes
  • Pir8inthedesert Original Poster's Reply Getting ready to jump ship!
    via Pir8inthedesert
  • Pir8inthedesert Original Poster's Reply Looking for work. Lost all respect for my ceo
    via Pir8inthedesert
  • No_Pilarapril I would quit asap and explain to HR why in the exit interview
    via No_Pilarapril
  • Pir8inthedesert Original Poster's Reply Jumping ship soon! The day it happened, I immediately started looking for a new job..
    via Pir8inthedesert
  • Few_Breadfruit_3285 I'm sorry for your loss. The problem is the communication. Your boss told you that you could use flex time (i.e., make up the 16 hours other days during the pay period). It sounds like you worked some hours and expected Bereavement leave to cover the rest. Is there an employee handbook that explains how Bereavement leave is applied? FWIW, where I'm at, Bereavement leave covers immediate family (including grandparent/grandchild) of both the employee and the spouse.
    via Few_Breadfruit_3285
  • Pir8inthedesert Original Poster's Reply There's been on going issues which is why I'm getting ready to leave but I'm in a leadership role and typically work over 40 hours every week. I had an event the week before that I put in an extra 10 hours on a Saturday. She conveniently forgets all the extra time I give when it comes time to taking a little bit. Back in July, my daughter had a baby. I arranged to work 20 hours remote and do 20 hours without pay to help with my new grand baby. When I came
    via Pir8inthedesert
  • SleepyWeasel25 Non-profit: Are there any of these that treat employees decently? The stories I hear are 100% bad.
    via SleepyWeasel25
  • Pir8inthedesert Original Poster's Reply It's pretty toxic. I can't figure out why the nonprofit world is so toxic. It's weird.
    via Pir8inthedesert
  • ScientistForeign9803 Less than 2 weeks vacation + sick leave for an entire year is beyond pathetic.
    via ScientistForeign9803
  • Exciting_Garbage4435 The land of the free.....78 hours pto per annum pfft
    via Exciting_Garbage4435

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boss employee manager bereavement funeral PTO workplace ngo
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