55-year-old stepmom blames 28-year-old stepdaughter getting mistreated by her stepchildren on karma for the way she treated her as a kid: 'Ashley made it clear she hated me.'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Apr 13, 2026 8:30 PM EDT

Has Ashley considered that she might be the problem?

If you've been on specific online forums for any amount of time, you know that stories about nefarious stepparents are familiar. These tales fall into one of two categories: either the stepparent is overstepping their bounds, or they couldn't care less about the child they are raising. I'd imagine in real life, most stepparents fall somewhere in the middle between the stepmom who tries to replace her stepchildren's mother as the most crucial female relative in their lives, and the stepdad who would rather not have any kids in his life at all. 

Kids have so little autonomy in their family situations, and even in the best stepparent situations, it can be challenging for them to adjust. Adults in their lives should give them some level of choice in how they interact with their stepparent. They should be able to choose whether to call their stepmom by her first name or by a maternal nickname. Their stepmom might not feel ready to be called "mom," but if her stepchildren don't have any other maternal figures in their lives, it might be the right choice for the kids. 

While you need to give kids some grace, you shouldn't let them walk all over their stepparent when they haven't done anything wrong. You shouldn't let them walk all over their stepparent period, but that's beside the point. Kids are going to have big emotions about a new parental figure coming into their lives, no matter what, but they need to learn that that's no excuse to be absurdly cruel to the person your parent is in love with. 

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  • Mother scolds her daughter who is sitting on the bed
    via Vitaly Gariev

    Stepmom scolds her stepdaughter for treating her poorly, without knowing that the exact same thing will happen to her stepdaughter when she grows up.

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Am I the bad guy for saying it's karma when my stepdaughter complained about her stepchildren?

    I am 55 f. I have a stepdaughter 28 f Ashley. I meet Ashley when she was 12.
    via u/Icy_Molasses_5736
  • Now to be clear there was no cheating involved. My husband 57 was single for 5 year before we meet.
    via u/Icy_Molasses_5736
  • Ashley biological mother is a deadbeat. From the start Ashley made it clear she hated me.
    via u/Icy_Molasses_5736
  • I tried to be patient and refused to push a relationship and hoping she warm up to me eventually.
    via u/Icy_Molasses_5736
  • Well that never happened! She was r de and disrespectful to me. My husband disciplined her when she acted disrespectful.
    via u/Icy_Molasses_5736
  • This is what lead the solo and family therapy, but she refused to budge on her feelings and eventually I gave up.
    via u/Icy_Molasses_5736
  • A woman sitting in a chair talking to another woman
    via Kateryna Hliznitsova (Unsplash+)

    A girl talks to her therapist about her stepmother, whom she does not like. 

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • The only time it improved is when she finally went to college. That's not because she matured but because we weren't in the same house.
    via u/Icy_Molasses_5736
  • Even to this day she's frosty with me. Well to the reason I am posting on here is that Ashley in a relationship with Jared 30 who has kid's from a previous relationship and he and his sister is treating her the same as she did to me, if not worse!
    via u/Icy_Molasses_5736
  • I witnessed it first hand the other night at the restaurant. They were ride and disrespectful towards her and only her.
    via u/Icy_Molasses_5736
  • To be fair Jared did pull them up but they were still sullen and talking about her behind Jared back.
    via u/Icy_Molasses_5736
  • It was Déjà vu! Jared eventually got up to take his children out to give them a talking to.
    via u/Icy_Molasses_5736
  • The moment they were out of hearing range, Ashley said they were r de little monster and she didn't know what she did wrong!
    via u/Icy_Molasses_5736
  • I just blurted out, that's karma coming back at you! She got upset and said she wasn't that bad and I said close to it.
    via u/Icy_Molasses_5736
  • She got up and left. They didn't come back. Jared texted us that an "emergency" came up and sorry they had to bail.
    via u/Icy_Molasses_5736
  • Listen I may be getting on but I know a excuse when I see one. I asked my husband if I should. apologize but he said. it might make it worse knowing how stubborn she can be.
    via u/Icy_Molasses_5736
  • I spoke to a friend and she did say that I was only telling the truth.
    via u/Icy_Molasses_5736
  • But she is bias and I'd rather an unbiased opinion please. If I am wrong then I will come down of my high horse and apologize.
    via u/Icy_Molasses_5736
  • AITAH for saying that to me stepdaughter?
    via u/Icy_Molasses_5736
  • Odd_Mix8978 NTA even biological parents say this to their kids. "They're acting just like you did at that age" is common in so many households in so many cultures. This is actually a chance for the two of you to bond but I doubt she'll accept that she's getting a full serving of what she dished out before reconciling.
    via u/Odd_Mix8978
  • johnsgurl My oldest was an absolute nightmare to my husband when we first got married. She was 16. She's almost 30 now. She was about 23 when she called me crying. She wanted me to tell my husband that she's so sorry for how she behaved. She made me put it on speaker phone. She grew up and realized what an a h le she was being. Your stepdaughter is still an a h_le and really needs to grow up. NTA
    via u/johnsgurl
  • Impossible_Nebula_33 I mean you wanted to rub it in but whatever... it's not the end of the world. She shouldn't be calling that mans kids monsters though. Sounds like she generally has an attitude problem irregardless.
    via u/Impossible_Nebula_33
  • Valuable-Job-7956 NTA Truth is a mirror and did not like the image she saw in it. Also my wife asked if you are paying those kids to be mean to her
    via u/Valuable-Job-7956
  • Intrepid_Source NTA this could be a real growth moment for her if she chooses to use it! I don't think you should apologize but if there's any space in your relationship for a heart to heart, you could maybe let her know that is how she always treated you and maybe she could remember how she felt as a pre-teen/teen step- child and use that to connect with them. What did she need back then (and now?) that she don't get (not a judgement on you!!) and can she identify with these kids to give them w
    via u/Intrepid_Source
  • writing_mm_romance The truth hurts sometimes. Maybe it will change the way she interacts with them going forward.
    via u/writing_mm_romance
  • greenglossygalaxy I always feel so sick and tired of having to "act like the bigger person" in the moment, I mean who is that really for? I draw the line at being cruel, vengeful or a bad person - but this situation was screaming for you to pipe up! She cannot seriously expect you not too help her to very clearly understand I think this will probably that it's not fair to be treated like that and it's something she put you through as well. NTA
    via u/greenglossygalaxy
  • Clean_Permit_3791 NTA I think anyone would feel the same in your position and if she has never apologised then it totally fair to point out the karma to her.
    via u/Clean_Permit_3791
  • Sea_Substance9163 NTA. Your step daughter remembers her actions through a childs lens, now she can compare them through an adults lens. Tell her you'll accept her apology when she gives it and then the two of you can work on a way it may help these kids get along with DIL.
    via u/Sea_Substance9163
  • WinEquivalent4069 Apologize for what? Saying your piece to her finally since she's an adult and is now getting to experience a little of what she put you through? No apologies and NTA.
    via u/WinEquivalent4069

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stepmother kids stepchild misbehaving stepdaughter karma hate wife parenting dad
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