Aunt lets 19-year-old niece move in after her dad remarries and allows stepmom to pretend her 7-year-old sister is her biological daughter, faces family anger: 'She told her dad she hated him and that he betrayed her mom'

Losing a parent is a difficult thing to go through at any age or stage of life, but for obvious reasons, it can be especially upsetting for children. The sudden removal of somebody who has likely been one of the most important people they know is never easy to cope with while they are still developing emotionally, and on top of that, they have the stress of dealing with how those around them deal with the loss as well.

Unfortunately, it is not uncommon for parents to lose a partner and then react to or move on from that in ways that are traumatic for their kids. Perhaps at the top of the list in this scenario is remarrying at a time that seems inappropriate or to somebody who makes their home situation worse in some way. In these cases, sometimes the only way out of the mess seems to be the kindness of extended family. 

Author image for Ally Perry Ally Perry
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  • 01

    AITA for choosing my 19 year old niece over my brother by allowing her to live with me?

    My brother Vince (40s) is the father to two daughters. Kya (19) and Lily (7). Kya has lived with my family for more than a year now and allowing her to live with us has stained the relationship with my brother to a breaking point and created tension within my wider family. Kya and Lily's mom Beth d d just after giving birth to Lily. During Beth's pregnancy with Lily she was diagnosed with a heart condition that weakened her. There were plans to deliver Lily early so that she and Beth had the bes
    via Chewseenonns
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  • 02
    Cheezburger Image 10510266368
    via Safar Safarov

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • This is how one aunt felt after she took in her niece as an 18-year-old, following a difficult adolescence living with her dad and stepmom. Her mom had passed when she was 12, not long after the arrival of her sister, and her father had remarried only a year afterwards.

    Things got even more difficult when her dad and stepmom began convincing her sister that she was her bio mom, something the teenager disagreed with, as her dad had promised to keep her mom's memory alive for her younger sibling. 

    Developing a close relationship with her aunt, she eventually asked to live with her and her family. This led to her father falling out with his sister, and her grandparents accusing their daughter of dividing the family. The aunt wanted reassurance that she had done the right thing.

  • 03
    And then when Vince remarried within a year of Beth's death and when his new wife, Michelle (40s), adopted Lily it destroyed any relationship Kya had left with her Vince. Vince had promised Beth that he would make sure Lily knew who she was always if something happened. But after Michelle adopted Lily, they began talking like Michelle was her biological mother. Michelle would tell Lily even as a young toddler that the day she was born was the best day of her life, or how happy she and Vince were
    via Chewseenonns
  • 04
    Kya fought a lot with Vince and Michelle. She told her dad she hated him and that he betrayed her mom. She blamed him for her mom's death, shamed him for erasing and replacing Beth with Michelle and giving her mom's daughter to Michelle. She wished he'd been the one to di instead of her mom. She told Michelle she hoped Beth haunted her every day for stealing Lily. They punished her a lot because they didn't want Lily to hear and figure out what was going on. She was not allowed to talk about Bet
    via Chewseenonns
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  • 05
    I was always super close to Kya and was there for her when most of our wider family were more in support of Vince and Michelle and Lily. I got some sh for that because I was reminded that Vince lost his wife and was left with two girls to raise and that Michelle was just trying to love Lily and give her a mom and was being tormented by a teenager because of it. But I could see Kya's side and I still think Vince has handled this all so badly. They might all argue that this is better for Lily but
    via Chewseenonns
  • 06
    My parents told me I could help Kya find somewhere else and not divide the family like this. I asked how they could punish their own granddaughter after everything. They said Vince only wanted the best chance for Lily and that Kya has been grossly unfair about this whole thing. They told me I was being unfair to Vince and to our family and I'm helping to divide us. AITA?
    via Chewseenonns
  • 07
    will face
    via Natalia Blauth (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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  • 08

    Commenters sympathized with the niece, aunt, and younger sister.

    signoted NTA. This whole story honestly just broke my heart. Everyone keeps saying "Vince lost his wife" but what they conveniently ignore is: Kya lost her mother. And then she watched her father turn around and erase that woman from the picture in every possible way. That's not just grief that's betrayal layered on top of it. Kya is not "tormenting" anyone. She's reacting to a situation where her mother was erased, her grief was suppressed, and she was made to feel like an outsider in her own f
    via signoted
  • 09
    Agreeable-animal They also conveniently gloss over the fact that Vince prioritized Lily over his wife while Lily was in the womb, a decision that very may well have contributed to first wife's death after childbirth. Vince lost his wife and didn't deal with his own guilt or grief about the situation, instead choosing to not only replace his first wife, but to erase her. Kya is just an inconvenient stumbling block to his new narrative. I mean, how did Vince even have the time to find a new wife i
    via Agreeable-animal
  • 10
    Adelucas How terrible. Lily is going to be devastated when she eventually finds out the truth. Her entire life and sense of self is built on a lie. She's going to go nuclear. Especially if Kya tells her version of events. You carry on doing what you are doing. Kya has a family that loves and accepts her, and isn't trying to erase the mother she loved so much. Vince just wants to punish her for refusing to accept his version of reality, and would rather she was homeless and living in a cardboard
    via Adelucas
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  • 11
    JulietteCollins Seriously. Lily is eventually going to need her birth certificate for something. I wonder how they plan to explain that.
    via JulietteCollins
  • 12
    cassowary32 NTA. Kya suffered in that household for 6 years. She's over 18 now. You'd think Vince would be happy she's out of the way so they can continue to brainwash Lily. I hope Kya is able to stay in contact with Beth's extended family and she gets some therapy to help process her losses - her mom and the dad who risked her life then replaced her.
    via cassowary32
  • 13
    NTA Technical_Lawbster The only one trying to break the family up is your brother. Please keep Kya safe and loved. She deserves a least one family member on her side.
    via Technical_Lawbster
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  • 14
    Spare-Hedgehog-6634 NTA. You are one of the only people doing right by both Kya and Beth. Your brother clearly must not have respected or loved his late wife to have immediately replaced her and erased her from her daughter's lives completely like that. especially considering that's exactly what Beth asked him not to do. Your brother is a POS. Stand with Kya
    via Spare-Hedgehog-6634
  • 15
    SMELL_LIKE_A_TROLL I think it's wrong to deceive the little girl about who her mom is. The truth will eventually come out regardless of what your brother wants, and when it does that is when manure will hit the fan. The step mom is apparently trying to have the best relationship possible, but again is going about it wrong. Your parents are wrong, you aren't dividing the family any more than a landlord that would rent to kya- no one has anywhere else to direct their anger about the death other th
    via SMELL_LIKE_A_TROLL
  • 16
    lumospurple25233 NTA. Your brother is an epic POS. Which man in his right mind would ask his wife to risk her life so she could deliver the baby safely? Oh yeah, a narcissistic a h le yes. And then remarry within a year? Wow. Its evident that he did not love his wife. Even though one might argue thats its better for Lily to perhaps not know the truth in her early years, its very possible that she might handle it very badly later on. Kya is kind of right in her assessment of her father. And you a
    via lumospurple25233
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  • 17
    Impossible_Nebula_33 Kya can go live were she likes that includes your home, your brother wants her punished because knows he f ed up and can't stand to be called out on it. Your brother and the rest of your family are insane when Lily finds out it will all blow up in their faces and none of them will take responsibility. Ignore them and carry on supporting your niece. Edit: Reading your follow up responses i do genuinely believe your brother has lost his mind and the fact he thinks that wether
    via Impossible_Nebula_33
  • 18
    shybb19 NTA! It's disturbing and selfish how your brother and parents are treating that poor girl! You are 100% doing the right thing! They seem to have forgotten that she is also his daughter and their granddaughter and it's disgusting! That poor girl does not deserve to be shunned by the people that are suppose to love and be there for more than anyone(along aside sister of course) please keep loving that girl! She needs it most now !
    via shybb19
  • 19
    Actually Yulliah NTA, you are awesome for stepping up for Kya the way you are. It would be helpful to see if there can be any resolution for them, but her dad hardly gave her a chance to mourn her mom before moving on. What man has the time to handle a new born, and his grief over losing his wife, and still have time to find a new partner and get married WITHIN A YEAR? There's no wonder Kya isn't just accepting of this. Yes you chose Kya over your brother, because she needed someone to choose he
    via ActuallyYulliah
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  • 20
    PipsiePops NTA you gave a vulnerable young barely woman a loving and safe home, which her father refused to provide for her. Your brother actions are just vile, trying to erase Beth like that is just disgusting and what he and his new wife are doing to Lily is absolutely effed up, and their neglect and from the sounds of it ab e (all the unnecessary punishments to force Kya to submit to brother's version of what happened) is abhorrent. Both Vince and Michelle should be deeply ashamed of themselv
    via PipsiePops
  • 21
    flyingfree_22425 NTA I don't understand how kicking out a teenager is in her best interest? Sounds like your brother just wants to continue to punish her bc she doesn't agree with his and Michelle's parenting and refuses to be a liar like them. I agree with you, your brother is totally this whole thing up and the fact that he thinks Lily will never find out who her real mom is, well that's just pathetic. I don't understand why he insists on lying to his own daughter. Any family that insists you
    via flyingfree_22425
  • 22
    izzi_b That's a lot of adults making the grieving of a grownup, a parent more important than the grieving of a child. And because of it, the child has lost not only her mother but also her father and now also her sister. Of course it is very complicated but in your story there's not a lot of room to give Kyra's father or stepmom the benefit of the doubt. To think you call yourself a mom by erasing the one that birthed your (step/adopted) daughter. Or grandparents when you'd rather have your reje
    via izzi_b
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  • 23
    khloelane Does your whole family not realize that Kya lost her mother?? Forever?? During the most pivotal time in a child, a young girls life?? Her mom is never going to help her get ready for prom or teach her about relationships or see her get married or hold her grandchildren. That's all wiped out and Vince just replaced her mother with in a year. How's that not disgusting to them?? I had a dad like Vince, married 4 times. First one being 6 months after my mom left and he never prioritized my
    via khloelane

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