35-year-old with $225k savings pays $100 monthly to live with parents, gets offended when brother tells him to backpay rent: 'He's lived at home since graduating high school'

Author image for Ally Perry
Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
May 8, 2026 7:45 PM EDT

Are family members entitled to tell us what to do with our finances?

Unsolicited opinions are one of those annoying things that we can all depend on hearing from our relatives. They have ideas on how we should or shouldn't be living our lives, and they feel like it is a matter of urgency that they let us know about them. They don't care whether you want the guidance or not; you're going to get it.

Much as it can be irritating, family members who do this can sometimes have a point. Just because we do not appreciate any advice doesn't mean that we don't need it. Especially when it comes to family issues, we do not always have the right to do our own thing with no external input. Taking into consideration how our behavior affects others is necessary, and we aren't always capable of seeing the full picture by ourselves.

There can also be situations where we feel the need to tell a relative something that perhaps they don't want to hear. This is something that has to be done with care if you do not want to experience an unpleasant argument, and possibly even worse consequences.

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    A man wearing a plaid shirt takes a nap on the couch

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • A man was annoyed with his older brother after he found out he had hundreds of thousands of dollars in savings while their parents were struggling financially. The brother was in his 30s and had been living with their parents since graduating high school for $100 a month.

    He suggested that he should backpay $5-10k of rent, as he had benefitted from his parents charging him relatively little money to live with them for many years. The brother was not happy with this and claimed that it should not be his sole responsibility to support their parents. The man wondered if he had a point.

  • Am I wrong for telling my brother he needs to give my parents money?

    I (28M) have an older brother (35M). I rent a condo in a downtown core for around $2500 a month. Its rough, and especially in our country right now living at home is typical, but I chose to do this for my own development, going to school for a longtime and now starting a job with my degree. I have
    via ArbiterOfChoice
  • very little savings. My brother has lived at home since graduating high school and working. He pays $100 a month in rent and has a decent job working construction.
    via ArbiterOfChoice
  • My parents are not wealthy at all, and live paycheque to paycheque, and the way things have gone these past few years, I'm unsure when my father will be able to retire his blue collar job. He is currently 70. I was recently having a conversation with my brother
    via ArbiterOfChoice
  • regarding our parents selling the house to make some money and focusing on their retirement. He told me he's set up well for when that happens, and currently has approximately $225,000 dollars in his savings for wherever he moves next. I'm happy he's been able to do this for himself, but it shocked me a little bit considering the amount. I
    via ArbiterOfChoice
  • didn't realize how cheap his lifestyle was and considering the little rent he pays, I guess he's been able to save a lot.
    via ArbiterOfChoice
  • I told him, considering he's lived at home so long paying very little rent and saving such an amount while my parents financially struggle, he should backpay some rent over the years. He asked me what I meant by this, and I told him my parents supported him throughout his early adult years letting
    via ArbiterOfChoice
  • him live at home for so cheap, and the way the economy has gone over the past decade, my parents never increased his rent and he should consider helping them out. I suggested something like 5-10k to my parents. He absolutely flipped out saying im a mooch and he should have never told me about his savings. He said just
    via ArbiterOfChoice
  • cause I moved out and pay rent doesnt mean he needs to be the one supporting my parents. I understood what he meant, I wish I could be in his position to help my parents out, but I right now I kind of see him as benefiting from my parents generosity while they struggle. I'm not even sure if they'd accept his money of course, but
    via ArbiterOfChoice
  • I only suggested it. He hasnt spoken to me in 2 weeks and last thing he said to me was something like "money and family never mix, and you and I wont ever communicate like this moving forward". I didnt push him, I want to reiterate I only suggested this. AITB?
    via ArbiterOfChoice
  • An older couple smiles while sitting together and looking at a cellphone
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    An older couple smiles while sitting together and looking at a cellphone 

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Hungry_Pup NTB. You're right. Your brother benefited a lot from your parents' generosity. He should give some back. Your brother is selfish.
    via ArbiterOfChoice
  • xoxoyoyo Guess what, when your parents pass away he will be expecting to keep the entire estate, and he will give a bunch of reasons like how he took care of them at the end. If this bothers you you should probably talk to them about it and get them to do a will or something.
    via xoxoyoyo
  • stink3rb3lle NTB. You're right and that's why your brother is mad. Don't bring it up again, though. He is trying to avoid confronting what he already knows.
    via stink3rb3lle
  • Penectomie His greedy, lazy a won't talk to you for just suggesting giving them a fraction of what he owes them? Maybe you should talk to them about writing a will and that he's already gotten his half.
    via Penectomie
  • Mediocre Ant_437 I would tell your parents about the money and let them do what they will with the information.
    via Mediocre_Ant_437
  • ItsNowOrTomorrow YTB. You shouldn't be generous with other people's money.
    via ItsNowOrTomorrow
  • VarietyOk2628 Your brother in an entitled leach, and very ungrateful to your parents.
    via VarietyOk2628
  • Doozwa Uh, he's the mooch in this story. A selfish one at that for taking such advantage of your parents. very 35?? They should kick him out.
    via Doozwa
  • ProfessionalYam3119 I see your point, but what is your plan to help them once you begin working? No one needs someone else telling them what they should be doing with their own money, especially when that person is not doing it themselves. YTA.
    via ProfessionalYam3119

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family drama brother rent family savings money parents
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