Mom demands 18-year-old college student shares room with 11-year-old sister, gets annoyed when she refuses: 'I've had this room since I was 6'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Jun 6, 2026 9:15 AM EDT

Are we always entitled to personal space within the family home?

Growing up with multiple siblings and limited bedrooms can prove to be a challenge, especially as kids get older. No matter what their personality, most people get to a point where they want their own place, and somewhere where they can exist in privacy. Having to share a bedroom usually doesn't allow for this, and it can put strain on familial relationships as a result.

The expectation that we should be fine sharing our space with others just because we are related to them is a frustrating one. Anyone with at least one sibling knows the number of arguments that can happen at any age. Not being able to get away is only going to increase the chances of screaming matches.

What can be even more annoying is when you have your own room, but then you are suddenly expected to share. It takes away a privilege you took for granted and introduces an arrangement that is going to be even harder to adjust to. No matter what the reasoning may be, it feels like a step backwards. Emotions are particularly likely to run high with those who are just discovering their independence.

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  • A representation of a young woman lying on top of a bed, using a laptop with a mug beside her
    via Vitaly Gariev

    A representation of a young woman lying on top of a bed, using a laptop with a mug beside her

  • A teenager who was due to start college soon was at odds with her parents because of the new bedroom-sharing rule that they wanted to enforce once she went away to study. Despite her having her own room for more than a decade, they now wanted her to share it with one of her younger sisters.

    Their reasoning for this switch was that they wanted to give her sister her own room to make her more responsible about cleaning up after herself. For a few reasons, the oldest sibling felt like this wasn't fair, but she was dealing with pushback for her refusal to share.

  • Am I wrong for refusing to share a room with my 11-year-old sister?

    I (18F) am leaving for college in the fall. I have two younger sisters (11F and 9F) and a younger brother (16M). Right now, I have my own room because I'm the oldest, while my two younger sisters share a room.
    via tryingtothrowawayplz
  • Recently, my mom has been pushing for a room switch. At first she wanted me to share a room with my 9-year-old sister, but now she wants me to share with my 11-year-old sister instead. Part of the reason for the change is that my 9-year-old sister is extremely
    via tryingtothrowawayplz
  • messy. My parents think that if she has her own room, she won't be able to blame anyone else for the mess and they'll be able to hold her accountable for keeping it clean. I kinda understand the reasoning, but it also feels like my parents are rewarding her behavior by
    via tryingtothrowawayplz
  • giving her her own room. I've been against the idea for a couple of reasons. First, I've had this room since I was 6 years old. I've lived in it for 12 years. It's the room I grew up in, and it's the room I want to come back to during school breaks. I know that sounds sentimental, but it's where all my memories are. I've spent years decorating it, painting it, and making it
    via tryingtothrowawayplz
  • feel like my own space. Second, I'm 18 years old and need some privacy. My parents clearly understand that adults need privacy because when I suggested waiting another two years until my brother leaves for college and then having people share rooms, they immediately said no because he would need space for his "adult things." Apparently that logic applies to him
    via tryingtothrowawayplz
  • but not to me. Another issue is that I really don't want to share a room with my 11-year-old sister specifically. We don't have a great relationship. She's currently in a very moody preteen phase and snaps at me constantly. If I try to help her with something, she often yells at me. Lately she's started telling me that I'm not responsible enough to go to
    via tryingtothrowawayplz
  • college because she doesn't like when don't do stuff like put away the dishes after she was told to do it. Hearing that from an 11yo is crazy to me, and the thought of sharing a room with her makes it even worse. My mom and sister are also extremely close. Like, they spend hours together almost every night(even school nights) watching TV together, and nobody else
    via tryingtothrowawayplz
  • is able to join them. If someone walks in and wants to watch, even quietly, they'll pause the show until that person leaves. Because of that dynamic, I worry that if my sister and I share a room, any disagreement between us will automatically become me against both of them.
    via tryingtothrowawayplz
  • I also asked what the new room setup would actually look like, and my mom said we'd be "sharing" the room rather than "splitting" it. In reality, it sounds like everything would still belong to my sister. For example, she has a swing(yes, a swing) in her room that I'm not allowed to even touch without being screamed at by her, but it would stay exactly where it is even though it's
    via tryingtothrowawayplz
  • my side of the room. Meanwhile, things that belong to me, like my desk, would become shared items. I'd also end up with the bed right next to the window. I have pretty bad allergies and often wake up with noses because I can't breathe properly overnight. Sleeping next to a window tends to make it worse.
    via tryingtothrowawayplz
  • So from my perspective, I'm giving up the room I've had for 12 years, losing most of my privacy, losing control over my belongings, and moving into what still feels like my sister's room rather than a room we're actually sharing. What makes this especially hard is that I've put a lot of time, effort, and money into my current room. I've painted it, decorated it, and collected things so
    via tryingtothrowawayplz
  • my room actually has personality. Now I'm being told most of that stuff can't come with me. I understand that I'll be away at college for much of the year, but I don't feel like I'm being given a space that's actually mine when I come home. It feels more like I'm being allowed to sleep in my sister's room during breaks. So AITAH for refusing to switch rooms?
    via tryingtothrowawayplz
  • A representation of a young woman reclining on a bed, propped up by cushions, and using the laptop on her lap
    via Vitaly Gariev

    A representation of a young woman reclining on a bed, propped up by cushions, and using the laptop on her lap

  • AnnieAnnieSheltoe This s ks for sure, but it's unreasonable to expect your family to keep an empty room for you to use a few weeks out of the year.
    via AnnieAnnieSheltoe
  • Have you talked to your mom about your relationship and your fears that this will become a mom and sister vs. you dynamic? As a parent, that part made me really sad. Does she know you feel that way?
    via AnnieAnnieSheltoe
  • clkinsyd YTA for wanting them to keep a space for you while you are away. NTA for needing to get away.
    via clkinsyd
  • If you are moving to college, i would suggest look at attending classes all year round. I did that and only going part time, I still got my dorm.
    via clkinsyd
  • DollySheep32 "If I have to share a room my visits on holidays will be more limited as I don't want to stay over." Et voila. NAH, its a normal part of moving out and its reasonable to
    via DollySheep32
  • have attachment to a room you've had for years and to be annoyed by your preeteen sis.
    via DollySheep32

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family drama college humor bedroom sister
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