20-Year-Old Husband Pressures 19-Year-Old Wife to Let Him Read Her Private Diary From Before They Were Married

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Jun 6, 2026 7:45 AM EDT

Just because they're married doesn't mean he should have access to every single private thought she has ever had. 

I can't think of anything more invasive and cruel to do to a teenager than reading their diary. You really shouldn't be reading anyone's diary unless you're trying to figure out the cause of their demise, ala Laura Palmer, or you're reading diaries that were written to be eventually read by the public, ala Presidents. For the average Joe, your diary is the place where all of their most intimate private thoughts go: the thoughts that can be even too difficult to say out loud, so they must be written. 

There's probably a pretty good reason that someone isn't telling you the things that are in their diary, even if you are family or a close friend. They may need to process their raw thoughts before sharing them with anyone. We all know that the first things that come to our minds aren't always that pretty, and there's nothing wrong with having a first draft of your emotions. People shouldn't be held to the things they say in their diaries, unless, of course, they are planning some crime. But having negative emotions about your parents is not a crime, and parents of teens should know that.

The teenage girl in this story is not hiding her diary from her mother. She's hiding her diary from her husband! She is 19, and he is 20, and they've only been together for a year. The husband thinks he should have access to all her private thoughts, and while she's uncomfortable with him reading her journal, she's considering letting him do so for the sake of their marriage.

Add as a preferred
source on Google
Advertisement
  • A representation of a young woman writing in her old diary, which she does not want her husband to read.
    via lilartsy

    A representation of a young woman writing in her old diary, which she does not want her husband to read. 

  • Am I the bad guy for not letting my husband read my diary?

    Me(19F) and my husband(20M) got into an argument last night because I wouldn't let him read my diary. For context, we've been married for a couple
    via u/AgentHappy3783
  • weeks and have been together almost a year. He's never been aggressive or anything like that, and I want to make that clear first. Buts he's very much the type
    via u/AgentHappy3783
  • that wants to know everything about me. He likes checking my notifications sometimes because he's curious about what I've been doing all day, and he
    via u/AgentHappy3783
  • always wants to be together constantly. Not in a controlling "you can't go anywhere" way, more like in a clingy "I just always want to be around you" kind of way.
    via u/AgentHappy3783
  • So last night I pulled out this old diary I haven't touched in months. It literally looks like an old Victorian antique book. I hadn't written in it since before we were even
    via u/AgentHappy3783
  • A photo of an ornate diary cover lying on a wooden table.
    via Kelly Sikkema

    A photo of an ornate diary cover lying on a wooden table.

  • together, but I decided to write in it again last night. He asked what it was and I told him it was my diary. He immediately said " I'm gonna read that." I laughed and said no,
    via u/AgentHappy3783
  • you're not. Then it turned into an actual argument. He kept saying things like "husband and wife shouldn't keep secrets," "we should know each others thoughts and
    via u/AgentHappy3783
  • feelings," and "why would you need a diary when you can just talk to me?” He also said diaries are basically for secrets and that if wouldn't let him
    via u/AgentHappy3783
  • read it, then I must be hiding something big. The thing is.. the ARE deeply personal things in there. Not cheating or anything. but some stuff about family that no body
    via u/AgentHappy3783
  • knows, my own thoughts, insecurities, and things from before I met him. There was also writing about a previous situation with another guy before I met my husband and I
    via u/AgentHappy3783
  • got together. It really wasn't a relationship and nothing major happened, but I wrote about it in very personal detail because at the time I thought nobody else
    via u/AgentHappy3783
  • would ever read it. My husband already knows about it generally, but not obviously every tiny detail because honestly I never thought anyone would read those
    via u/AgentHappy3783
  • pages except me. What upsets me most is that he would not accept "no." He kept acting like me wanting privacy automatically meant I was lying or hiding things
    via u/AgentHappy3783
  • from him. I started getting anxious because i genuinely thought he might try and read it while i was asleep or at work. I've had people go thought my things before,
    via u/AgentHappy3783
  • so it made me panic. So I ripped out the old page about the old guy, soaked it in water, and threw it away. He tried to grab it from me but I wouldn't let it happen. Late he said it
    via u/AgentHappy3783
  • still bothered him because his brain thinks the worst when I won't share things with him. But I honestly feel like a diary is supposed to be private. I don't think wanting one
    via u/AgentHappy3783
  • thing that's mine makes me a bad wife or means I'm hiding huge secrets. AITA?
    via u/AgentHappy3783
  • Cheezburger Image 10636510720
    via Curated Lifestyle (Unsplash+)

    A model portrays a struggling 19-year-old who fears she's being a bad wife to her husband because she won't let him read her diary.

  • bookshop OP you try to distinguish between him being clingy but not controlling. But you just got a glimpse of the reality. If he were really trying to monopolize you purely out of love (plus a bit of social awkwardness and immaturity), then when you asserted yourself and set a boundary, he would accept it. Instead, he not only refused to accept no, he pushed you to the point of destroying your diary instead of allowing you the right to your personal space and thoughts. And then he lashed out at
    via u/bookshop
  • All of this is concerning. You're both still young and your marriage is new, so there's plenty of time for you to establish firm boundaries now. Have an open firm discussion with him soon, make it clear this behavior is unacceptable, and get him to see a therapist to deal with his separation anxiety issues (or his control issues, which are the real thing here).
    via u/bookshop
  • I would just caution you to be wary of him nominally agreeing to go along with whatever boundaries you set, but then attempting to undermine them. He might do this by gaslighting you ("we never agreed upon X") or staging some big calamity that requires him to barrel through all your boundaries (that turns out to be wildly overdramatized or to never have been real at all), or by beginning to lie about lots of little things or hide things from you in order to maintain his sense of control. I say t
    via u/bookshop
  • AgentHappy3783 OP I appreciate you comment, I plan on having a firm conversation with him, but I truly don't think he is controlling in the sense that he would turn ab ive. He has OCD and deals with a lot of control issues within himself but he is so loving and tries his best to be everything I need. I think he just has an issue and fear of me not talking with him so he tries really hard for me to tell him everything because he wants to be my comfort person and he is just I think he goes about i
    via u/AgentHappy3783
  • bookshop That's totally fair! You know your relationship. But it's important for you both to be aware that these behaviors are common traits of partners who practice coercive control and emotional ab Hopefully he will understand this and work on himself and you can help him remain aware as he improves. OCD and other treatable mental health issues should never be an excuse for toxicity. Good luck.
    via u/bookshop

Want More? Follow Us and Add Us as a Preferred Source on Google.

Tags

privacy marriage teenager wife husband relationship problems couples argument young people diary
Scroll Down For The Next Article