Mom gets a job 100 miles away from home, forces ex-husband to pick up their daughters from school on her days: 'She has asked me to work from home 3-4 days per week.'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Jun 18, 2026 8:30 PM EDT

Why would she accept a job that's so far away?

Co-parenting 50-50 with your ex can be incredibly difficult. First of all, how are you supposed to split the time? Do the kids live at your house one week, and their other parent's house the next week? Are they moving back and forth between houses every three to four days? Either way, it's a recipe for your kids living out of a suitcase, and that can be stressful for everyone involved. 

Some parents are hyperfixated on making sure that everything is equal between their house and their ex's house. The father doesn't want their kids to dread coming over to his house because he doesn't have all of the toys that mom has, so he stocks up on toys and games. The mom doesn't want their kids referring to dad as "the fun parent," so she makes sure that she takes her kids to as many, if not more, baseball games as he takes them to. This kind of competitive parenting can be stressful for kids because they can tell their parents care more about one-upping their ex than about paying attention to them. 

While competitive parenting can be dysfunctional, it's at least preferable to a parent who is less than present for their children. I would rather my mom be trying to one-up my dad by getting me ice cream after school than to be forgetting to pick me up from school. Neither is great for the kid long term. 

The dad in this story is just going to work and be a normal parent. But his ex-wife decided to take a job that's 100 miles away from where they live, which is making their custody agreement extra difficult. 

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  • A mom, driving to work.
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    A woman pretending to be a mom, driving to work.

  • My ex girlfriend has taken a new job 100 miles from home and is planning on commuting. Am I the bad guy for not changing my work arrangements to suit her?

    So basically, my ex girlfriend and I separated 7 years ago, we have a daughter together while I have 2 daughters from a previous relationship. We have both moved on with
    via u/No-Stay8551
  • our lives (I'm due to marry in 18 months and she got engaged last Christmas) and we have shared custody of our daughter 50:50.
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  • On the days I have my daughter, I have to collect and leave her to school and she would organise the other days, which means I have to leave work early on days and
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  • arrive late on days. Thankfully my employer has been very understanding and has accomodated my situation as long as hours are made up, which
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  • would involve me being available on weekends for emergencies. Not an ideal situation, but it works. Anyways, the ex has taken up a job 100 miles away
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  • and her plan is to commute daily. I have my opinions on that, but not my monkey, not my circus. She had arranged for her dad to collect daughter on her days and
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  • what seems like a noble idea and a great solution, reality has set in and he finds his days are restricted either collecting daughter or leaving to school, and the novelty
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  • *
    via Isaac Quesada

    Models of a grandpa and his granddaughter.

  • has passed and has pretty much told her that he won't be as available as he promised. Now this leaves her pretty much up sh creek as she has noone else to call upon to
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  • collect and leave to school. She has asked me to work from home 3-4 days per week which would allow her to continue her role
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  • 100 miles away and ensure daughter is collected on time each day. This isn't an option for me, and in telling her that I can't accept these changes, she's accusing
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  • me of clinging to the past, being bitter about the break up and doing my best to sabotage and stifle her career. AITAH??
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  • bonniemick None of this is a you problem. It is moronic to drive 200 miles a day, also, FFS. NTA
    via u/bonniemick
  • Unlucky-Classroom828 Even the IRS allows you to charge off $0. 725 per mile for uncompensated auto use for business purposes. This does not account for the 35% increase in gasoline price so far this year Mom is easily spending $125 a DAY commuting. That's not counting 4 to 5 hours of unpaid personal time being given away to her employment. I gather math wasn't Mom's best subject in high school.
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  • spiritoftg time for a formal custody agreement approved by a judge. NTA.
    via u/spiritoftg
  • No-Stay8551 OP Already have one in place. Changed days to accomodate her job in November. Not a huge change in days, but a change all the same
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  • mook 1178 That one is no longer sufficient as things have changed. It would be up to her to petition the court though for a change, imho.
    via u/mook1178
  • No-Stay8551 OP I have spoken to my solicitor already and she's advised that a court will be reluctant to amend the court order as there has been no change in the daughter's circumstances
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  • pabrocjb Your ex will not be able to sustain the commute, the work, and being a parent. Give it some time and it will fall apart.
    via u/pabrocjb
  • kimmy-mac Sounds like it's time to go for full custody.
    via u/kimmy-mac
  • No-Stay8551 OP Been a dream of mines for ages... obviously don't want to separate a little girl from her mommy though
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  • Lowermains The mother has already chosen that route. She is 100 miles way therefore is unavailable during emergencies.
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  • Firetruck
    via Constante Lim

    A firetruck, which will show up if there is an emergency long before the mother in this story will.

  • MrWhiteLabCoat Petition for the ex-husband special. She gets every other weekend.
    via u/MrWhiteLabCoat

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commute school job parenting dad divorce ex husband mom
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