Woman moves in with boyfriend and discovers he pocketed her $100 moving van refund without telling her, then snaps when she asks about it: 'Fine, I'll put it in YOUR bank!'

Author image for Celeste Mello
Celeste Mello • Writer and Editor
Jun 20, 2026 6:00 PM EDT

Moving in together with your partner is supposed to feel exciting. You're so fond of each other that you want to share a routine and a house. That's a nice achievement as a couple, and it's gratifying to embark on the journey of building a shared life and learning how to manage things as a team. But this couple started on the wrong foot. What should have been a happy beginning turned into an argument over $100…

The amount of money wasn't really the issue. It was the boyfriend's reaction. 

Everything was going smoothly; they rented a moving van for the big day, and they spent their first days unpacking and enjoying their new life together in a shared home. But days went by, and suddenly the girlfriend remembered they hadn't received the moving van's refund from the rental company. The thing is, the rental company had actually sent the refund. To her boyfriend's bank account. But he didn't say a word about it.

Not only did her boyfriend admit that the money had already been returned to his account a few days earlier, but he also saw nothing wrong with it. He didn't even apologize. And what's worse, rather than acknowledging that she had every right to ask about her money, he got angry. That doesn't sound like teamwork at all. That sounds more like my money is my money and your money is my money. 

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  • A representation of a couple moving into a new home with cardboard boxes all over the place, illustrating the beginning of their life together.
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    A representation of a couple moving into a new home with cardboard boxes all over the place, illustrating the beginning of their life together.

  • AITAH for asking my boyfriend for my deposit back

    Me (36f) and my boyfriend (39m) have been dating for a year and have finally decided to move in together we're super excited.
    via Strawberrydip1725
  • Last week Saturday was our moving day - I'm moving in with him - and needed a moving van which he was driving but I was paying for. It was going to cost £250 for the day, but he had to book it due to insurance etc. so I sent him over the
    via Strawberrydip1725
  • money when he went to pick up the van, they said they needed and extra £100 insurance money that we will get back after the van is dropped off and there are no damages, I said fine and sent over the extra money.
    via Strawberrydip1725
  • The move went fine we were really happy and excited, when he dropped off the van I asked about the £100 he said they would send it in a few days, I said fine.
    via Strawberrydip1725
  • Didn't think any more of it, we spent the next few days unpacking etc and just enjoying each others company and the whole experience.
    via Strawberrydip1725
  • Thursday night as we were going to bed I said oh they still haven't given us back that deposit money? We'll have to call them in the morning, see what's happened. He froze. Oh they put that in my bank Monday. I looked at him and
    via Strawberrydip1725
  • A rental moving van packed with boxes for a new home, represented by a model.
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    A rental moving van packed with boxes for a new home, represented by a model.

  • said why didn't you put that in my bank? He got really upset with me and started saying it would only go on shopping anyway and why does it matter whose bank it goes in? I was really confused and
    via Strawberrydip1725
  • upset - I said but you didn't even tell me they had given you the money back, or said let's just keep it for shopping, you just kept it? He then got really angry and
    via Strawberrydip1725
  • shouted FINE I'll put it in YOUR bank! And he grabbed his phone and transferred the money.
    via Strawberrydip1725
  • I'm left shocked and confused. Was I wrong to ask for this money back? AITAH??
    via Strawberrydip1725

  • Financial disagreements happen in relationships. But trust matters. Transparency matters. And it's not the money itself that shows this boyfriend's true colors, but his reaction when he was asked to do a reasonable thing. The fact that he kept her money without mentioning it and then acted offended when she asked about it is a red flag to me. It would even make me question the decision to move in with him in the first place, because trust and transparency around money are essential when you share a household with someone. And if things already started like this…  

  • An illustration of a man using his smartphone to open an online banking app to transfer a moving van deposit refund to his girlfriend.
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    An illustration of a man using his smartphone to open an online banking app to transfer a moving van deposit refund to his girlfriend.

  • UPDATE- thank you all for commenting, your comments have been really helpful, at least I know now I'm not overreacting or going crazy.
    via Strawberrydip1725
  • I'm going to keep an eye on things, and see how it goes, as I said in one of my comments, he's never shouted at me before maybe this is just a strange one - off?? But I will be having a conversation with him about finances.
    via Strawberrydip1725
  • Also one good thing (that did come up a lot in the comments) everything is in his name - the tenancy the bills everything. So if this is a case of his 'mask slipping' I can just walk away. And I will. Thanks again :)
    via Strawberrydip1725
  • No_Care1430 ΝΤΑ He took money that was yours, spent it like it was his to decide, then got mad when you asked about it, which is sketchy as hl. A decent partner would have just told you the refund came through and sent it over without making it a whole thing.
    via No_Care1430
  • BulbasaurRanch NTA Moron tried to steal from you and then make you sound crazy for expecting the money back. He's an idiot.
    via BulbasaurRanch
  • Odd-Resource3025 NTA This will be part of your life with him. He is a liar and thief. Please trust your gut before you lose decades with him.
    via Odd-Resource3025
  • Dachkatz1 No, you are not wrong. This is a very concerning sign. Even if he is short on money, trying to keep your money and belittling you to justify taking it is not the way to handle it. This is not a good indicator of how he will treat you when under pressure. NTA. Sorry.
    via Oachkatz1

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boyfriend finance money problems new homeowners moving in together partner
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