37-year-old refuses to take over $40K Parent PLUS loan her father took out without her knowledge 20 years ago, sister dismisses her $400-a-month concern: ‘Figure it out’

Author image for Celeste Mello
Celeste Mello • Writer and Editor
Jul 15, 2026 9:45 AM EDT

A financial choice made years ago by a family member can be interpreted as a generous favor, an obligation, or a complete surprise for a person who is now being asked to pay for it. That's why conversations about college debt need more than good intentions. They require clear terms, consent, and an honest understanding of who is taking the risk.

An old family decision about money can become a present-day argument. A 37-year-old woman applied for college loans around 20 years ago. She understood she was borrowing money and paid the student loans she knew were hers. But what she didn't know was that her father had also taken out a Parent PLUS loan. He never made payments on that particular debt, and interests kept accumulating until it grew to nearly $40,000. Now, he want her to pay for it. 

She can't add a payment of almost $400 a month to her existing responsibilities, so she refused to refinance the loan on her name. Her sister accused her of being selfish and insisted that she find a way to deal with it, but the truth is, she never signed for that loan. It was the dad's financial decision and she was never aware of it. Why should she be responsible for that?

There are disagreements about what's fair and what's not fair within a family's decisions, but this is a conversation that never happened. I understand the topic might be uncomfortable to talk about, but it should have been addressed earlier. Her father signed for the loan, had years to address it, and never explained the arrangement to his daughter when it could have been discussed in a responsible way. Now, everyone feels cornered, the situation is still uncomfortable to talk about, AND there's also a $40K debt.    

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  • A 37-year-old looking concerned about paying for a Parent PLUS student loan she never signed up for.
    via Unsplash+ (Curated Lifestyle)

    A 37-year-old looking concerned about paying for a Parent PLUS student loan she never signed for. 

    The individual is an actor.

  • AITAH for not paying Parent Plus Loan

    So backstory, when I applied for college about 20 years ago, I (F37), filled out for loans and scholarships. I took out money for loans. Unbeknownst to me my father took out a parent plus loan. My second year of
    via Uhno_77
  • school my father filed for bankruptcy. It messed up my third year return to school as I was unable to get as many loans. I took a
    via Uhno_77
  • semester off and only did one semester after that so a total of 2.5 years at a Chri i school then took several years off.
    via Uhno_77
  • During lock downs in 2020 my dad began getting notices about his loan, he asked me about it but since I didn't know he had taken the loan out and I was paying on my own loans I told him it wasn't mine.
    via Uhno_77
  • He never paid any of it, and my sister's have gotten involved saying I now owe about 40 grand on the loan. Here's the kicker, he could have gotten rid of the loan rolling it
    via Uhno_77
  • into the bankruptcy or he could have paid the loan for 120 payment on the minimum while he was working a federal job. Now he is retired has no dependence has never paid on it so interest has really taken over.
    via Uhno_77
  • Hands reviewing tax forms beside a calculator and laptop, illustrating the financial pressure behind a disputed $40K Parent PLUS loan.
    via Unsplash+ (Kelly Sikkema)

    Hands reviewing tax forms beside a calculator and laptop, illustrating the financial pressure behind a disputed $40K Parent PLUS loan.

  • I am a SAHM with no income paying on my students loans that I did know about.. My FIL recently passed away leaving us the house we live in and land so no cash.
    via Uhno_77
  • Today was my mother's birthday, and at her birthday lunch my sister asked when I would be paying off this loan. I explained the things above. I told her I was not refinancing the
    via Uhno_77
  • loan to my name, and I didnt have the extra income to pay almost $400 a month. She yelled at me called me "selfish" told me to "figure it out" several times saying it wasn't
    via Uhno_77
  • fair and my dad didn't know what he was signing up for then stormed off. She then sent me a scathing message about it.
    via Uhno_77
  • University students studying in the yard of a college campus, illustrating the education expenses that led to a decades-old Parent PLUS loan.
    via Unsplash+ (Ahmed)

    University students studying in the yard of a college campus, illustrating the education expenses that led to a decades-old Parent PLUS loan.

    Subjects are models.

  • AITAH for not paying off a parent plus loan that I didn't sign for, and didn't know had existed?
    via Uhno_77
  • AndalBrask NTA, he signed for it and your sister can figure it out herself
    via AndalBrask__
  • OfficialBroccoliRob The bankruptcy and federal forgiveness opportunities were your dad's decisions to make. Those weren't yours to miss
    via OfficialBroccoliRob
  • MouseAmbitious5975 I fail to see how a stupid, negligent mistake your father made is your problem.
    via MouseAmbitious5975
  • Wild-Association 1680 NTA. Your dad "didn't know what he was signing up for". But you literally didn't know what he was signing up for. This is not your responsibility, and you're not in a financial position to do it out of the kindness of your heart. Don't let your dad's poor financial literacy cripple your financial future.
    via Wild-Association1680
  • Barracuda00 I worked in student finance for years. Parent PLUS loans are to be repaid by the PARENT as the minimum payment is going off their income. Your father is an idiot and your siblings have been harmed by his idiocy.
    via Barracuda00
  • socolime22202 If the loan isn't under your social security number and name, then the bank will never come after you. Even when your father dies, there's a strong likelihood that debt is written off due to his passing. #notalawyer
    via socolime22202

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Tags

family drama family finances student loans sibling rivalry parent plus loan debt fatherdaughter student debt father-daughter relationship
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