Fiancée walks out of birthday dinner when brother-in-law won't stop talking about her partner's ex: 'I tried to set a boundary'

Author image for Ally Perry
Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Jul 17, 2026 1:15 PM EDT

How often should a person be able to tolerate the discussion of their partner's past relationships?

One of the ways someone looking for love has to be realistic is that the partner they end up with will likely have a romantic past. Outside of a lucky few, most people have connections that don't work out before they meet their so-called special someone.

It is not uncommon for those in relationships to feel a little uncomfortable with the idea of these previous partners; it can trigger feelings of insecurity, as well as raise questions about whether the patterns that caused those breakups are going to happen again. Nonetheless, dealing with the fact that somebody has lived a life before you came along is an integral part of being happy with them.

This is not to say that we have to blindly accept any and all mentions of exes by our partners and the people around them. Having boundaries isn't just about personal comfort; it is also a building block towards sustaining a good relationship. It gets to a point where bringing them up regularly begins to become an issue. It's no use focusing on the past if it isn't also a part of the future.

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  • A representation of a woman sitting with a plate of food, holding some food on a fork
    via George Dagerotip (Unsplash+)

    A representation of a woman sitting with a plate of food, holding some food on a fork

  • A woman had been in a relationship with her fiancé for six years, ever since he had been divorced from his ex-wife. Although she felt that he had moved on from his previous relationship, the same could not be said for his brother.

    Her future brother-in-law had a tendency to bring up his brother's ex at every family gathering, to the extent that she had to specifically request that he stopped doing it. This didn't work, as he just added a disclaimer whenever he talked about her.

    The final straw came when the brother-in-law brought up his favorite topic at his mom's birthday dinner. She walked out in protest, but she wasn't sure if she had overreacted.

  • Am I wrong for walking out at my future MIL’s birthday dinner?

    1 (36F) been with my fiancé (46M) for 6 years, and engaged for 2. When we met, he was newly divorced with no kids.
    via AnyPossibility2467
  • Since I've been with my fiancé, his older brother (49M) has managed to bring up my fiancé's ex-wife at every family gathering. Every. Single. Time. Thanksgivings, Christmases, and birthdays included. Everyone has a past, so I tried to be polite and just hear out his grievances about her in the beginning. (At first, I admittedly
    via AnyPossibility2467
  • enjoyed getting the tea about why their marriage didn't work out, but after 6 years of hearing about her, I'd finally had enough.)
    via AnyPossibility2467
  • I tried to set a boundary and asked future BIL to please not mention my fiancé's ex-wife around me anymore. After being with his brother for this long, I feel like I've earned that respect, but he continues to bring her up. Now, he just prefaces his stories about her with, “I know you don't want to hear this, but his ex would _," or "sorry to mention her again, but would have differently."
    via AnyPossibility2467
  • He did it again recently at their mother's birthday dinner, and I finally had enough. This time, I was so fed up with the repeated disrespect of my boundaries that I walked out of the restaurant (at the tail end of the night) to get some fresh air and cool off. So, AITAH for walking out of my future MIL's birthday dinner because of this?
    via AnyPossibility2467
  • Should I have stayed and sucked it up? Asked my fiancé to have yet another conversation with his brother about having more respect for me and our relationship?
    via AnyPossibility2467
  • A representation of a woman sitting side-on while holding an orange drink
    via George Dagerotip (Unsplash+)

    A representation of a woman sitting side-on while holding an orange drink

  • GrandPipe5878 Why isn't your fiance shutting down the comments from his own brother? Maybe you walking out like that will finally kickstart your fiance to defend you.
    via GrandPipe5878
  • Outrageous_Rabbit842 "BIL, I find it really weird how obsessed you are with ex-SIL. It's like she's all you can think about. I, and I'm sure many others, think you should get therapy to deal with this, your obsession has been widely noted". NTA
    via Outrageous_Rabbit842
  • KLG999 You need to start turning the tables on him. "Fiancé" moved on six years ago. I'm confused why you are still so obsessed with "ex". Did you have a relationship more than BIL/SIL? Do you still have a relationship? Walking away is understandable. Not the best choice on MILS birthday.
    via KLG999
  • Mistress Jacklyn Hyde You can only set boundaries for yourself. You cannot ask him not to bring her up, but you CAN do what you did and walk out if he does. Though doing it at your MIL's birthday dinner was a bit much. Especially since she did nothing wrong.
    via MistressJacklynHyde
  • elguapo1996 "Why are you always talking about her? Is your brother's ex-wife your entire identity? Do you have some weird obsession with her even, what is it - six years later?!? You really need to get a life of your own. Or a wife of your own. Either way."
    via elguapo1996
  • Past-Bluebird-4109 NTA, but why isn't your fiance putting an end to this. This is his fight, not yours! If there is an issue it's more with the fact that your boundary isn't being respected and your "potential "future husband has not put a stop to it or let his family know that if this doesn't stop he will not be attending anything with his brother present.
    via Past-Bluebird-4109
  • Only-Breadfruit-6108 An alternative to walking out would have been to interrupt his story with "are we really still talking about her? Even though I've asked you to show some respect?" And hopefully your fiance would back you up.
    via Only-Breadfruit-6108
  • No scenes are necessary. No one needs to leave the table. Yes, sorry, YTA. So is the BiL obviously but this is about you.
    via Only-Breadfruit-6108
  • BLTplease2030 Apologise to your future MIL. The brother is an AH.
    via BLTplease2030

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family drama ex wife fiancee birthday dinner
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