25+ of the Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (July 17, 2026)

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  • 01
    paige @ Wizard • Jul 7 They should invent a child that goes to sleep
  • 02
    meghan @deloisivete Jul 14 • ••• Finally my kids' chicken nugget and ramen diet is paying off
  • 03
    AVY OUR BO Dadman St... @dadmann... . Jul 14 *** I just looked back at my 16 yo playing on the computer and he's eating chicken fries with chop sticks.
  • 04
    redyellowgreenda... @RYG... Jul 13 ... . Walked into my office bathroom to find two unflushed toilets, I hadn't realized my sons came to visit my workplace today
  • 05
    Henpecke... @Henpecke.... Jul 13 My daughter has been tutoring her friend in German for the last ten minutes. My daughter doesn't speak German.
  • 06
    AVY MINK FOURBO Dadman St... @dadmann... . Jul 13 ... wore a white shirt to my son's gymnastics tonight. Immediately spilled coke zero on me getting out of the car. What the actual f__
  • 07
    Vinod Chhap... @Chhapin... Jul 13 ... Yesterday at the natural history museum I fell in love with my kids all over again after seeing an obnoxious exhibit called other kids
  • 08
    meghan @deloisivete. Jul 12 Told my 8yo and his friend to go find something to do, so now they're having a competition to see who's allowed to say the most swear words
  • 09
    T • JB @solo_wandering ⚫ Jul 11 ... I've listened to my son talk non stop since he woke up at 9am... I have no idea how he hasn't lost his voice yet...but I'm about to lose my sh
  • 10
    meghan @deloisivete Jul 11 • Me: want to see a picture of me watching the World Cup 20 years ago 8yo: was I born then Me:
  • 11
    HEAVY MINK Dadman St... @dadmann_... • Jul 11 ... My 16 yo couldn't figure out why he has a stomach ache last night because all he had was a footlong sub and a 6 inch sub.
  • 12
    Dadman St... @dadmann... Jul 5 ... me: [jumping on the trampoline] 9: hey dad can you land on your back and stand back up?! me: yea! I used to do that all the time! Here we go! Narrator: he in fact could not. He felt as though all his organs hit his spine and every breath he had was knocked out upon impact.
  • 13
    Ghostface Kryllah @kryzazzy • Jul 9 Therapist: Tell me 3 things you're good at Me: Insomnia, Anxiety Spirals and Emotional Eating Therapist: No
  • 14
    paige @BonerWizard • Jul 7 They should invent a child that goes to sleep
  • 15
    Vinod Chhap... @Chhapin... Jul 9 ... • Walked by a group of dads at a barbecue and now I am an expert on property taxes
  • 16
    Dadman St... AVY MINK OURBO nothing @dadmann... • Jul 7 ... me off more than craving cereal and I finally get up to get some and these kids drank all the milk again
  • 17
    Trey @treydayway • Jul 6 The 4 yr old said she deserves cake for dinner because she said so. Fair point ...
  • 18
    meghan @deloisivete Jul 10 • ... My kids suddenly have more injuries than a soccer player when I ask them to clean
  • 19
    Not Today E... @NotToday... Jul 6... Facebook: where your family is. • Instagram: where your friends are. Twitter: where you make fun of them both.
  • 20
    meghan @deloisivete • 3h ... Stepping on a Lego and rolling around on the ground like a soccer player, but legitimately
  • 21
    meghan @deloisivete. Jul 13 Health officials: don't eat salad My kids: not a problem
  • 22
    Minnie @babyblue0924 • Jul 11 Knock or ring my doorbell while my kids are finally napping and I'm not buying a single thing from you. In fact, you better be a fast runner. ...
  • 23
    meghan @deloisivete • Jul 13 ... My kids and husband on a hike vs me on a hike
  • 24
    meghan @deloisivete. Jul 12 My kid lost a tooth, but he also recently learned the truth about the Tooth Fairy, so now he's just shaking me down directly for Robux
  • 25
    The Real Rodn... @RealRo... Jul 9 Last night I made lobster pie because it was just my wife and myself home for dinner. Tonight we have the kids and the menu is grilled cheese. If you're thinking of having kids, remember this lesson.
  • 26
    HEAVY Dadman St... @dadmann... Jul 8 ... tips on how to make your teenagers not eat half a bag of chips as a snack other than banning them from food forever
  • 27
    meghan @deloisivete Jul 10 • Hey everyone, my kid put the new toothpaste "somewhere" so if you could all keep an eye out, I'd appreciate it

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