Mother-in-law refuses to call daughter-in-law by her preferred name, so she teaches her toddler to call her grandma a name she doesn't like, meemaw: 'The entire 11 years my MIL has used my whole name'

Author image for María Cetra
María Cetra • Writer
Jul 18, 2026 1:00 PM EDT

Why can something as simple as a nickname cause such a huge family feud? Is the rivalry between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law going to go on forever?

I don't really get the fuss between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law; it feels like a simple way to just pin women against each other based on nothing. But sometimes I get proven incorrect. This feud is always between the mother of a HUSBAND and the girl he married. What they have in common is a man. This often goes hand in hand with having an overprotected mother, also known as a boy mom. They focus so much on their son that even if they also have a daughter, they do not care as much. These mothers see themselves as the only woman, or the first woman, in their son's life. This creates competition among themselves and his son's girlfriends. 


That competition and jealousy are what really motivates the mothers to pursue confrontation with their daughters-in-law. The importance of the arguments lies almost completely in the fact that they feel displaced. Their place in their son's life has been occupied by someone younger, cuter, and nicer. So they don't mistreat their son's girlfriend for pure hatred towards them directly, is more vengeance for their place being taken. Which also includes the expectations they pass on to their daughters-in-law, as they expect them to take care of their "little boys" (grown adults) as they did. 


So this feud is not really about the woman entering the family, is about the mother feeling displaced by another woman and feeling as if they don't matter anymore just because their son is in love. Is about expecting to be the most important person in your son's life even when they form their family. Is about feeling jealous. So, in this story, as almost all of the other ones that bring up the in-laws topic, it is important to understand that just because your child grows and forms their own family doesn't mean that they are eliminating the connection to their parents, and this is the other way as well. Just because you are married doesn't mean you stop considering your parents part of your family. Is about finding your place in a bigger family. 
 

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  • 01
    I don't like my name, so I go by an abbreviated version instead (think Liz for Elizabeth). My husband and I have been together for 11 years. When I first met my MIL I cheerily told her "you can call me ________! All my friends and family do!" She noted that the abbreviation happens to mean “bad” or “not good" in another language. Not the language she speaks (English), mind you, and no one hearing
    via nothowyoupronounceit
  • 02
    A man, a woman, and a child holding hands on the seashore.
    via Natalya Zaritskaya

    A man, a woman, and a child holding hands on the seashore.
    Representation. 

  • 03
    this shortened name out in public (even someone who speaks this language, which I do hear occasionally here in the US) would think twice or anything like that...it isn't offensive. I told her I was aware with a small laugh and thought that would be that. Nope. The entire 11 years my MIL has used my whole name, even after my husband and I have corrected her countless times. My BIL, who came along about 5
    via nothowyoupronounceit
  • 04
    years ago, also goes by an abbreviation of his first name. My MIL calls him by his preferred shortened version every single time. When I got preg nt in 2024 we asked MIL what she wanted to be called (dumb trend, btw, but whatever). She said "anything but Meemaw! Yuck!" say. you don't Naturally I have called her Meemaw every opportunity I get.
    via nothowyoupronounceit
  • 05
    Want to hold the baby? "Here sweetie, go see Meemaw!"; "Look who it is! Meemaw!" My daughter is now 19 months. She is absorbing new words like a sponge. Right now Meemaw sounds more like Mee-noy, but we are getting there. We go on vacation with Meemaw next week and I can't wait for a few days together to really get in there and practice super hard with my toddler.
    via nothowyoupronounceit
  • 06
    Nunov_DAbov This is the absolute best way to change behavior. In my first job, the receptionist called me consistently by the name of someone else who worked there (Christopher - a very different name than mine for someone who looked nothing like me). This went on for weeks and correcting her made no difference. Her name was Jeanne but every time she called me Christopher or Chris, I started responding by
    via nothowyoupronounceit
  • 07
    calling her Mary, one of her coworkers. It only took two or three times for her to figure out who was who.
    via nothowyoupronounceit
  • 08
    Silhouette of family standing beside shore under a yellowish sky.
    via Mike Scheid

    Silhouette of family standing beside shore under a yellowish sky.
    Representation.

  • 09
    Thick-Resolution-829 Someone who has had his last name butchered his entire life I agree with this statement
    via nothowyoupronounceit
  • 10
    Corydoras22 This is a brilliant response. She has no defense.
    via nothowyoupronounceit
  • 11
    Dangerous-Ocelot3963 You're so much kinder than me. I had my daughter calling my MIL (her first grandchild btw) 'evil grandma' when she was little. "I love my evil grandma!" "Evil grandma took me to pancakes house!" That was 20 years ago. My MIL and I get along now, and my daughter just calls her grandma Betty.
    via nothowyoupronounceit
  • 12
    bethaliz6894 My mom refused to be called meemaw until the child said it and was clearly meant for her. She melted and has been meemaw for 26 years now. Be careful what you wish for.
    via nothowyoupronounceit
  • 13
    Repulsive-Handle8561 My buddy was 19 when he became a father and his mom wasn't enthused about being a grandmother, she was 45 and felt she was too young. She made grand proclamations about not being called granny or meemaw or nana, nothing "old." She specifically wanted to be mom-mom, which could be easily mistaken as "mom." When his son started talking he couldn't say mom-mom but he could
    via nothowyoupronounceit
  • 14
    say "b_t-b_t." He and his girlfriend leaned into it (as we all did) and now she now has four grandkids, all of whom affectionately refer to her as "B_t-B t."
    via nothowyoupronounceit
  • 15
    Madame_Kitsune98 That is delicious revenge. Only my mother, the doctor's office, and telemarketers call me by my full first name. And ONLY my mother calls me by my government name. I go by a four letter nickname, and that's it. If you want me to answer you, you'll use it. If you don't want me to answer you? Keep trying my full first name.
    via nothowyoupronounceit
  • 16
    And I do mean I blatantly ignore people. Nope, you decided you didn't have to be respectful of my preferences, so we're done here.
    via nothowyoupronounceit
  • 17
    Novagurl I'm a MeeMaw. The other grandma is YahYah. I love it when my grandson yells it so excitedly when he sees me. I had no idea it was considered "'cringe'. Oh well, I still love it.
    via nothowyoupronounceit

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