30+ of the Freshest and Funniest Tweets of the Week (July 18, 2026)

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  • 01
    dolo @doloyeung My father never accepted Yoshi's addition to the Mario series only ever referring to him as "The Serpent". "The Serpent is at best a tool not a character", he'd say. One Christmas I asked for Yoshi's Story and instead received a bible. "The Serpent's story is in there", he said 1:38 AM 7/13/26 1.1M Views 134 17 4.7K 54K ☐ 4.5K ↑
  • 02
    Louise Jensen Duffy (also Ernes @LouiseWeebe You're listening to Sisyphus FM, the home of non-stop rock. 6:39 PM - 7/12/26-313K Views 82 3.1K 21K 886
  • 03
    @fwskiiii Ja Rule's son looks more like Ja Rule than Ja Rule looks like Ja Rule 5:13 PM 7/8/26 · 2M Views • 846 17 3.5K NH Blackwealthif 43K 1.6K 010
  • 04
    brian @brianonhere taxi driver told me how he sometimes calls his brother's korean restaurant to ask for a pizza and almost drove off the road he was laughing so hard 12:39 AM 7/13/26 718K Views 17 1.3K 63K ☐ 1.5K ↑
  • 05
    alexSSN @alexSSN Hey man, that's really awesome that you saved some of your 4th of July fireworks so you could set them off at noon on the 13th of July 3:16 PM 7/13/26 1.3M Views 152 1 7.3K 125K 1.4K ↑
  • 06
    A✩ @adryanashton i promise there were other ways to promote the shoes dawg @JustFreshKicks. 19h KICKS JustFreshKicks Nike KD 19 "Candy Apple" July 15th $ $155 1:21 AM 7/14/26 3.3M Views • 359 14.4K 76K 1.5K
  • 07
    cici @blexicanasfff if u want a flat stomach u need to go to the grocery store ASAP and buy lettuce. eat it raw DO NOT COOK. thank me later 12:42 AM 7/14/26 1.9M Views . • 191 t 1.5K 38K 1.7K
  • 08
    Agent 4ft 7" @nathersjones They're gonna give him one of those perfect days you give your dog before having him put down UK Politics UK @PolitlcsUK. 1d NEW: Keir Starmer will attend the World Cup final in New York if England beat Argentina on Wednesday He will then fly back to London to officially resig... 3:31 PM 7/13/26 1.6M Views . 1.8K + 55K 1.1K ↑
  • 09
    Art ArtButMakeltSports ❤ Sports @ArtButSports Lamentation (flipped, detail), by Gerard David, 1515-23, by Roberto Schmidt 1.020% AM Jude Bellingham and 3 others Last edited 8:48 PM 7/11/26 2.3M Views 191 13K 165K 5.3K ↑
  • 10
    Ashley ❤ @AshleyTXBurner Dude is the most marketable thing Norway has had since reindeer started pulling Santa's sleigh. Sole Retriever @SoleRetriever • 6d THE FIVE STAGES OF HAALAND: New Nike ad for Norway's Erling Haaland HAQLAND 1:05 12:07 AM 7/9/26 3.6M Views 150 17 13K 193K ☐ 7.7K ↑
  • 11
    internet hall of fame @InternetHOF Erling Haaland reveals he ghosted Tom Holland's dinner invite because he had no idea who he was "I don't watch movies much, so I have no idea who people are" GEA-0 09.07.2026 NEW YORK NEW JERSEY N 6:02 AM 7/10/26 2.4M Views 760 17 3.6K ED 98K ☐ 2.9K ↑
  • 12
    Dexerto @Dexerto A Norway fan has gone viral for not taking part in their Row celebration after matches and won't do it if they win the World Cup "It's factually wrong; they didn't row, they sailed over the Atlantic" AUD 5:03 AM 7/10/26 6.1M Views Q1.4K t 2.1K 48K ☐ 2.8K ↑
  • 13
    aspiring chef @semisauced Stopped sharing my location with a girl I haven't talked to in 3 years and she texted me 6 min later asking why I did that 12:47 AM 7/13/26 8.3M Views 1.1K 17 9.8K 451K ☐ 12K 企
  • 14
    tara @wokeispunk i wasn't aware that there was a night at the museum reunion happening gettyimages Credit: Karwai Tang 10:07 AM 7/12/26.4.8M Views • 47 1 6.1K 102K 2.1K
  • 15
    princess ++ @byekhanyi My son (picky eater) watched me make French toast this morning and said "yuck” so I assumed he didn't want any. When I was done he goes "I've never tasted French toast you know" to which I replied "and you're not about to" We rode in silence bc apparently I was mean. AITA 1:48 AM 7/7/26 2.6M Views 336 17 2.3K 85K ☐ 2K ↑
  • 16
    lesbian botanist thing (avery ((... @lesbolorax it's really cool how they teach EMTs that an "impending sense of doom" is a serious. symptom of many life threatening conditions/ events and then you get to the hospital and they say you're just anxious • 3:36 PM 7/6/26.1M Views 82 1 1.7K 53K ☐ 2.2K ↑
  • 17
    BuffaloRon @BuffaloRon I will not be taking anymore questions... what happened happened. 8:59 AM 7/13/26 4.1M Views 1.9K 1 16K 113K 3.5K ↑
  • 18
    XBradTC @xbradtc If your name is Sarah and you're not telling people it's short for Triceratops, what are you even doing with your life? 3:08 PM 7/9/26.1.1M Views • 185 1.7K 22K 1.5K ↑
  • 19
    Mason Home Builder @bankertobuilder Bought this old house from some guy named Frank Removed the water feature (maintenance nightmare), cleaned up the overgrown shrubs, and rezoned it to commercial Now it's actually a useful structure Not sure what this guy was doing 2:44 PM 7/13/26 525K Views Dental Office
  • 20
    Resko✰✰ @Bloke_Baz I swear the air gets heavier around 6pm on Sundays. You can feel the Microsoft Teams aura energy approaching. 1:17 PM 7/12/26.904K Views • 99 176.6K 44K ☐ 1K
  • 21
    NATION MID-MAJOR MADNE Mid-Major Madness @mid_madness We're losing recipes as a society Mitch @mitcheels1.1d My new pet peeve is players releasing the bow instead of the arrow. #NRLDolphinsSharks 2ND HALF 46 CRO 17:05 12:05 PM 7/11/26 4.9M Views 76 11.5K 92K 2.2K ↑
  • 22
    Adam Rankin ❤ >> @rankintweets Every 3 years a new water bottle brand completely oneshots middle class white women like clockwork 9:58 PM 7/11/26 2.8M Views • 323 17 2.7K 90K 2.7K
  • 23
    dave lawrence @dave43law That priceless moment when you can tell how much P:osh Spice loves football 4:18 AM 7/12/26 2.8M Views 706 17 3.6K 17 54K ☐ 2.5K ↑
  • 24
    HOUSE @HOUSEPORN I've been laughing to myself for 10 minutes now Private room for rent $980/Month Nearby 3 km B2 ☐ Message seller Hi GoTwo, is this still available? Send Description Private Furnished Room in Downtown Vancouver Available Aug 1st reddit 11:05-> 14 11:051 × 4 of 10 2 of 10 • 11:37 AM 7/11/26 1.6M Views 208 17665 reddit reddit 12K 989 企
  • 25
    1:11 Bri'anna @LaNoireDe i have such a hard time wrapping my mind. around the fact that a tony award nominated actor is playing for the savannah bananas. this is like when mj played pro baseball out of context baseball @basebal.... 6/18/26 oh girl i am obsessed with this Berens [CC] 8
  • 26
    autist✔ @litteralyme Growing up hearing "Wikipedia isn't a valid source" and then entering a workplace where people say "just ask ChatGPT” is a surprisingly strange timeline 0:09 ☑ litteralyme0 1:43 AM 7/10/26 5.1M Views 530 1 70K 513K ☐ 14K ↑ 8
  • 27
    Abyssal Argonaut @divinetrickr "Everyone thinks Japan is futuristic but it's still 1991 just with fast trains and nice toilets." Okay so paradise 2:01 PM 7/7/26 413K Views 150 11.5K 35K ☐ 1.2K ↑
  • 28
    Cats with Aura @catwithaura I BOUGHT THIS VIBRATION PLATE FOR MYSELF BUT THE ONE WHO USES IT THE MOST IS MY CAT ☑ א 0:14
  • 29
    The Don of Vaughan @Steve DelDucaFan Parody account Winner gets Hitler's secret gold reserve - Pop Base @PopBase 22h Argentina and Switzerland to face off in the quarterfinals of the World Cup. 8:29 PM 7/7/26 1.5M Views 104 1 6.1K + 94K 2.2K ↑
  • 30
    tido bling @tiido_bling returning to the dance floor with a drink like you didn't just throw up in the bathroom 0:03 W E HAPPELLE 11:40 AM - 7/12/26 4.2M Views 232 11K ☑ 50K 4.9K ↑
  • 31
    Mason Home Builder @bankertobuilder This is the ideal downtown 5:40 PM 7/13/26 7.1M Views • 854 171.8K 54K 3.8K ↑

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