35+ of the Freshest and Funniest Tweets of the Week (July 25, 2026)

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  • 01
    + @fwtimini iPhone: I'm gonna update your software tonight while you sleep. iPhone in the morning: I couldn't do it, bro. Just didn't feel right. The vibe was off. 5:15 PM 6/6/26 1.9M Views • 210 1 16K 206K 2.9K
  • 02
    Flesh Simulator @fleshsimulator I can see how they came up with pokemon Nature Unedited @NatureUnedited ⚫1d This is a gray Ezo squirrel, a subspecies of the Eurasian red squirrel found on the Japanese island of Hokkaido 0:15 9:48 PM 6/5/26 1.1M Views ☑ 2
  • 03
    WiLL @willfulchaos 20% in the scary movie franchise is like a 12 minute standing ovation at the cannes film festival 4 DiscussingFilm @DiscussingFilm. 10h 'SCARY MOVIE 6' debuts with 20% on Rotten Tomatoes. Read our review: bit.ly/ScaryDF6 TUR HLNOPE I'M WOKE SO I AM BROKE Rotten Tomatoes Q Search aRT SCARY MOVIE Scary Movie R, In Theaters Jun 5, 1h 35m, Comedy 0:58 20% Tomatometer 20 Reviews Popcornmeter. Twenty-six years after outrunning a suspiciously familiar masked ki er, Shorty,... 12:19 P
  • 04
    Aaron Cannon @AaronLCannon I started talking to my co-founder like Claude 3:01 M Michael > Today 1:03 PM Were you able to make the 5pm meeting yesterday? Yes, I was. The PM just said you weren't on You're right to push back. I actually did not join What? 6:26 PM 6/6/26 • 2M Views 371 2.1K 70K 3K ↑
  • 05
    Chello Rosé @ChellyJellyBeen This lady at the gym asks me what age do I think she is. I said she looks 63. She gasps and said that she is 41. Now, why would you put me in that situation? 2:58 PM 6/4/26 1.3M Views 436 17 4.6K 96K 1.8K
  • 06
    horse @horsetwting yeah this is Air Horse One HORSTOCK WORLDWIDE LIVESTOCK SERVICES WORLDWIDE SERVICE cosmic cowgirl 00 @blockhim2.... 7/30/24 EVERYBODY SHUT UP the plane they use to fly the horses from all over the world to the Olympics for the equestrian events is called AIR HORSE ONE 3:05 PM 6/6/26 862K Views 62 17 2K 25K 995 ↑
  • 07
    nube @rdvelveties being an adult is looking at your 35 installed games on your desktop and deciding you're too tired for anything other than a youtube video 8:15 PM 6/4/26 1M Views • 254 27 11K 81K 3K ↑
  • 08
    miia @miiagarro told my mom she was invading my privacy and she told me i came out of her privacy 9:52 PM 6/5/26 1.9M Views 455 12K 238K 6.5K ↑
  • 09
    Melle @saint_mikha Fan account what the F are you playing SODA @SippinSODA. 1d How many mice do you go through in a month? I'm on my 7th one り
  • 10
    Gilbert ❤ @AbakpaJob The size of the gates in Jurassic Park suggests they were always planning on letting the dinosaurs out. 4:33 AM 6/5/26 373K Views 48 1934 25K ☐ 340
  • 11
    Eastern Bloc Visuals @eastblocvisuals You're an East German border guard Harry East German Visuals @GDRvisuals. 1d A young member of the East German border guards, 1970s. 1:02 PM 6/5/26 873K Views 72 • 12.3K ORENZTRU 44K 1.3K ↑
  • 12
    Gilbert ❤ @AbakpaJob I knocked over a plant in the kitchen but my cat saw me so I had to spray myself with water so I could show the law applies to everyone 2:19 PM 6/4/26 • 48K Views 12 243 5.3K ☐ 74 ↑
  • 13
    kelbin @pissboymcgee la d off 5 months after building my $20,000 backyard cubicle. Kyle @imkylelambert. 1d if you work from home and have the yard space, I can't recommend a backyard office enough. Built mine 3 years ago for under $20k all-in. best work- life upgrade I've ever made. 10:31 AM 6/4/26.937K Views 39 1367 G EXPLORE BOOK YOU'LL THINK OF SOMETHING 20K 398 企
  • 14
    Paul Muad'Dib @trygraptor no it's okay sir i know this 70mm showtime of The Odyssey is sold out, i just have to deliver this very large horse-shaped package to someone inside 4:49 PM 6/4/26 358K Views 27 17 2.1K 32K 717
  • 15
    Leah Dionne @leahdionne___ Babe wake up, another photo of a British figurehead looking terrified in a car just dropped UK Politics UK @PoliticsUK. 8h PICTURED: Former Prince Andrew with a large bruise on his face earlier today 1:20 PM 6/4/26 1.2M Views 54 17 3.6K 84K 1.3K
  • 16
    Mike F @DeputyWarlock Arnold Palmer: get me a refreshing drink Bartender: try this, its lemonade and iced tea Palmer: Mm..its good..I just invented it • 6:36 PM 1/19/23 473K Views 19 1.2K 12K ☐ 343
  • 17
    Juanito Sánchez ✔ @ReDesconfiado Translated from Spanish by Grok The scorpion that stung my wife is now out of danger, thank God A. Rate this translation: B
  • 18
    Robert Wilkinson @robertwlk 40 years ago today, I asked my childhood. sweetheart, my best friend and the most gorgeous woman I know to marry me. All three said no. 7:33 AM 6/4/26 1M Views 1K 1 6.1K 45K ☐ 2.3K
  • 19
    beauty @beautyskillz Gaming as an adult: -Work all day -Stare at Steam library for 1hr -Game for 10min -Realize you're too tired and head to bed • 4:16 AM 6/4/26 451K Views 187 12.4K 25K ☐ 708
  • 20
    Matthew Zeitlin @MattZeitlin i'll be honest i didn't see him at first NEW POST YORK New York Post @nypost. 1d 6-foot-11 Kevin Durant tries hiding from paparazzi while on date with mystery woman trib.al/QyrlpMm 12:20 PM 6/5/26 3.6M Views 159 17 7.4K 174K ☐ 1.8K ↑
  • 21
    femiiiiii. @femiiiszn not all of us were made to cook. some of us were made to have conversations with the person cooking. 11:48 AM 6/2/26 2.1M Views 369 17 22K 142K 5.9K ↑
  • 22
    cav empty @cavempty_ my boss added a custom ai generated gif of me being mauled by a lion to our teams app and HR says they don't have the ability to remove it 1:57 PM 6/3/26 621K Views 86 1.1K 36K 1.3K ↑
  • 23
    ^^-ა @CBD420 this is so hard to explain but theres a bird in my neighborhood i have to confront 3:21 AM 6/6/26 - 630K Views 208 [ 3.1K 41K 1.3K ↑
  • 24
    Papii @ammalusty formal apology to my parents for my behavior during the 2008 recession. if someone asked me to buy them a nintendo ds and an annual roblox membership rn i'd actually blow up 10:54 AM 6/5/26 2.4M Views 106 [ 9.1K 145K 2.9K
  • 25
    Papii @ammalusty Ben Franklin didn't plow through dozens and dozens of French whores so that you could abide by fireworks ordinances 12:05 PM 6/5/26 236K Views 43 17 783 10K 675 ↑
  • 26
    Hanch Tarchup Jr. @misharipov I just don't understand why women think they need all these surgeries Culture Crave @CultureCrave. 1d Happy 40th Birthday to Oona Chaplin 8:56 PM 6/4/26 2.5M Views 180 14.3K 119K 2.1K ↑
  • 27
    Grace @graceyldn My mum's worried she's going to be investigated because all three of our piano tuners have d d. 5:25 PM 6/4/26 1.2M Views • 213 1 1.4K 89K 1.7K
  • 28
    e @eulerianham do gay people do the accent when they're alone 8:42 AM 6/5/26 1.7M Views . 195 17721 34K 866
  • 29
    KЄvín @notcee_fan DID YOU KNOW: your Smart TV came with a whole living room set? • 10:12 AM 6/7/26 1.2M Views 549 13.5K 47K 1.3K
  • 30
    Jennifer Lee Rossman @JenLRossman RIP Noah from the Bible, you would have loved catching every Pokémon 9:48 AM 6/7/26 30K Views ○ 7 27177 1.7K 31
  • 31
    javi @IAmTheVibes Girlfriend doesn't even tell me she's hungry anymore she just tells me if she doesn't eat soon she's "going to become evil” 11:28 AM 6/7/26 846K Views 90 17 3.6K 69K 3.2K ↑
  • 32
    Ponsuke @PonsukeTheSilly telling googles ai that im eating and drinking increasing amounts of salami and monster energy until it starts shouting at me to get help lli = G I just ate another kilo This has reached a life-threatening medical emergency. You must call 999 or go to the nearest Accident & Emergency (A&E) immediately. You have now consumed a total of 2.5kg of salami within a single 24-hour window, along with 600mg of caffeine. This is 2:13 AM 6/7/26 2.2M Views 339 17 3.6K 77K 4.8K ↑
  • 33
    Joshwelt @weltszzn when i accidentally close my 45 tabs it's like the burning of the library of alexandria, but worse and much more dire . 9:40 AM 6/7/26 990K Views 206 16.4K 55K ☐ 2K ↑
  • 34
    mariana Z @mariana057 Physician: Your body has ran out of magnesium. Me: Omg 10:01 PM 6/3/26 3.3M Views 721 17 19K 189K 4.8K ↑
  • 35
    brendan @disaster2D new side table is gonna go CRAZY CALIFORNIA SUB er summary ^ total oping ERIK OSKR BEDSIDE AVE, CA, 01912 ADDERALL 30 MG TABLETS TAKE 1 TABLET BY MOUTH. TAKE WITH FOOD. 1234567-00000 LS REMAINING 1 Love You tal CAMA Tik Tok 9:01 PM 6/3/26 2.2M Views 189 171.9K $248. 1 Pill Bottle Side Table Include / Adderall $165 Confirmation # Thank you, Brendan! $165 $83 USD $248. 32K 3.8K ↑
  • 36
    domestic grace @holyhomemaking was asking my husband if he cared about the baby shower theme and he was like what is that? do you mean like space or like mafia themed? and now he wont let go of the mafia idea. he says the invitations would say "welcome a new member of the family" and we could do italian food 10:06 PM 6/7/26 1.9M Views 535 1 5.5K 168K 6.1K

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