College student refuses to drive old classmate home after she assumes she'll be her ride during the school year: ‘I'm trying to come up with a rational excuse’

Author image for Cata Holmes
Cata Holmes • Writer
Sep 12, 2026 5:00 PM EDT

Back-to-school season comes with plenty of adjustments, but becoming someone's designated driver without being asked shouldn't be one of them…

This back-to-school season is coming with a lot of issues and problems. In this case, we're talking about back-to-college and some carpool misunderstandings that are hard to solve. Let me explain: at a college reunion, a girl met up with an old classmate from high school and realized that both were going to the same school, so they were happy to have someone to talk to and hang out with. Although they weren't friends before, they still knew each other.

Fast forward to September, and now both girls meet up for lunch just to talk and get to know each other better. During that time, the car conversation came up, and the classmate told her she didn't bring her car, without any big reason why. The OP assumed it was because she was probably staying close to campus, so there was no point in driving. But later, things changed, and the girl became more pushy.

Mind you: they never talked again after that lunch, but then Labour Day weekend came around…

The friend texted the OP and asked if she was going home, and she said no because it was pointless to drive three hours just to stay three days and then drive back. The other girl said she was not going either but assumed she was going to drive her anytime she was going home. And that's the thing that bothers the OP the most: that she's being entitled and pretending she doesn't mind driving her.

On one side, she recognized that this attitude might be selfish, but on the other hand, she doesn't like the way she's approaching the topic. And I agree with her. If I were in that position, I wouldn't like it if someone assumed that I was her chauffeur… I'd prefer for them to ask and give me the chance and the space to decide. At the end of the day, of course I would drive them, but having manners and being polite is as important as doing the favour.

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  • College student preparing to drive home while debating whether to give an old classmate a ride.
    via Unsplash+ (via Getty Images)

    College student preparing to drive home while debating whether to give an old classmate a ride.

    Stock photo unrelated.

  • For some context, my friend and I went to the same high school and are currently going to the same college. We went out of state so it was kind of comforting to at least know one face at an unfamilar place. I wouldn't say that we are
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  • the bestest of friends, I would consider her more of an acquaintance than a friend tbh. Honestly, the most we've talked since high school was last year when we found out that we were
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  • going to the same college and we talked about what dorms we were in, etc.
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  • Anyways it started when we met up in August and started talking about college again (because she was moving in two days later) and we started talking about coming back for Thanksgiving and other
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  • breaks. I asked her if she was bringing her car and she responded with no. She didn't give a reason why but I would assume it was because her dorm was located at the center of
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  • campus and there really was no need for a car in college if you were at the center of everything, but thats my assumption. She asked me if I was bringing mine and I said yes and she
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  • immediately responded with something along the lines of "okay perf, you can drive me around then." The comment took me aback at the moment but I didn't think anything of it.
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  • Fast forward to a couple days later when I moved in a week after she was already at college. We met up for lunch on the second day and it was pretty chill.
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  • It just felt awkward because as | had already said earlier, we weren't best or close friends so the conversation didn't feel "normal" or "flowy" as it did with my other friends. But everything was fine up to that point.
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  • College student sitting behind the wheel of a car.
    via Unsplash+ (via Getty Images)

    College student sitting behind the wheel of a car.

    Still frame for contextual reference only.

  • About a week later, she texted me out of the blue (we hadn't hung out except the last time we got lunch and still havent by the way) and in the text she said "Hey are you going home for labor day weekend?" I responded with "No"
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  • and explained it was because it would only be for 3 days and I wasn't driving for over 3 hours to only come back a day later. After that I texted her "what about you, are you going back?" And she
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  • responded with "no." After that she sent a text saying "well whenever u leave ur my ride home haha." I didn't respond and left her on read because it kind of rubbed me the wrong way. I think
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  • the thing that bugs me the most about it is the fact that she didn't even ask for a ride, she just assumed that since we were "friends-ish" that I would automatically drive her home since I was already going there.
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  • I know for sure I wont be going back home until Thanksgiving break and honestly I'm not sure if I want to give her a ride. Like I said, I don't consider her much of a close friend other than the fact
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  • that we went to the same high school, but i kind of feel bad for turning her down because I already be heading back so why not give her a ride. I'm trying to come up with a rational reason or
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  • excuse I could use to tell her I'm not able to give her a ride but nothing I can think of makes me feel secure enough to use. Idk but AITAH for not wanting to give her a ride back? Am i being overdramatic?
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  • I'm seriously debating just telling her outright that I don't want to give her a ride back but I don't know how to say that in a polite way. HELP. AITAH?
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  • College student driving the car that an old classmate expects to use for rides home throughout the school year.
    via Unsplash+ (via Getty Images)

    College student driving the car that an old classmate expects to use for rides home throughout the school year.

    Image shown for illustrative purposes; person depicted is a model.

  • rollinweelz NTA. Have her chip in for gas. No one rides for free.
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  • Aromatic_Recipe 1749 I do think that you may be overreacting but you're free to make your own choices. I would tell her that it bothers you that you never offered to be her transportation home and she never actually asked but assumed you were going to give her a ride. See where it goes from there.
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  • TopDifficult8754 Don't respond. Don't inform her of your thanksgiving plans. If she reaches out before then, either ignore or say your car is full.
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  • Ok-Ganache8159 Ugh I hate situations like this. You don't want to have to coordinate with someone else, you don't want to have to make 6 hours of small talk and you don't want to have to do this for years worth of breaks.
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students carpool friends back to school rides college
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