Guy who they've only been on two dates with claims this person is not a violinist, even though they have played for 23 years, because they haven't played in 4 years: 'He said, 'Then you don't play violin. You have violins'

Author image for María Cetra
María Cetra • Writer
Sep 23, 2026 1:00 PM EDT

What is it with some musicians and their enormous egos? Or maybe it's a guy thing?

If you go on a date, a second date, to be more specific, and the person you are having a good time with starts questioning you. How would you act? Would you leave? Would you brush it off as nothing? Would you decide right there at that moment not to see them anymore? The person in this story had to actually make a choice about that. Unfortunately, not every date goes how it should, and not every person knows how to actually behave, no matter if they are actually fully functioning adults… 

Is sad when a person is making a real effort to go out there and meet the love of their life, and in return they just get an awful night that needs to end abruptly due to the person they decided to date being an idiot. There is no need to have an attitude and be condescending with people, especially when on one of the first dates. So why would someone act like that? Was it a complex due to feeling less than the person they were dating? That would definitely be the worst start for a relationship and a serious red flag. Was it to sound like they are better than the other person? It definitely made him look like the worst. Or was it a joke that went out not as expected? I seriously doubt this, and I would see the whole situation as a big red flag and leave. I would never ever tolerate a man that down plays my achievements in an effort to look better himself. He is just an idiot with some self-esteem issues. 

So, if you ever find yourself in a situation like this, run! I'm serious, run. There is no reason to give any man or woman your time if they are treating you like this. They are definitely too insecure to be in a relationship with anyone. They should be trying to make their self-worth better before entering any kind of relationship. You deserve better, and you are going to find better. So leave that off and move on! 

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  • TLDR: I was told by a musician I just started dating that I might have violins, but don't play violin because I haven't played in 4 years. He did not seem to be joking. Context: A guy I've been on 2 dates with is a musician. On our second date a couple nights ago, I casually mentioned I play violin. It was in the context of talking about various instruments and he mentioned violin. He didn't
    via inthewoods54
  • A woman playing the violin. Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.
    via Denny Müller

    A woman playing the violin.

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story. 

  • believe me. I told him I do, some classical but mostly fiddle, that I'm mostly self-taught but had lessons years ago and have been playing for 23 or so years. He seemed incredulous. I told him I have three violins at home and that he can see them if he wants. He said: "But when's the last time you played them?" I said, "Not for about 4 years now". My reason is because I started caring for my father full time who has
    via inthewoods54
  • Alzheimer's and it's time consuming and exhausting, but I didn't get into all that, I just said it's been about 4 years. (but he does know I'm a caretaker for my father). He said "Then you don't play violin. You have violins, but you don't play violin". He said it seriously (no laughing or "just joking" etc).
    via inthewoods54
  • A woman and a man on a coffee date at a café. Scene is illustrative and does not depict actual individuals or events.
    via Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦

    A woman and a man on a coffee date at a café.

    Scene is illustrative and does not depict actual individuals or events. 

  • Less-Supermarket8724 NTA: how pretentious omg. Make that your last date and find someone who isn't so pretentious about music
    via Less-Supermarket8724
  • KYC3PO NTA he was being a know-it-all j You don't need that kind of energy in your life
    via KYC3PO
  • PerformerMindless 100 Any regular musician I know should be saying you need to play again and encourage you to pick it back up! Then you'd say well it's been hard since I was taking care of my Dad and all. And they'd say music is good for your soul and you should do it for you, and they'd also I bet you'll pick right off where you left off in no time at all. And then say maybe we could try playing together.
    via PerformerMindless
  • This guy is a poser who plays music. I don't consider him a musician or a good human.
    via PerformerMindless
  • MimZWay NTA - I would be offended. He sounds sanctimonious.
    via MimZWay
  • Umeyard So if you don't do something for a few years it gets erased? I used to be big into table top games, but life happens and I haven't been able to commit to a campaign in years. Still have my books, dice, knowledge, experience, etc. Nobody has ever told me "You aren't a gaming geek anymore" NTA
    via Umeyard
  • Emergency-Exit-8 NTA- he put you down so you fight to "prove" yourself. Negging to make you crave their approval. Let the trash take itself out.
    via Emergency-Exit-8
  • hel-be-praised NTA. Kick him to the curb and don't look back. This guy sounds like a sanctimonious a_h_le.
    via hel-be-praised
  • c_joseph_j It's definitely a thing to say, very weirdly gatekeeping Trying to feel superior
    via c_joseph_j
  • Alconium NTA, but you should 100% play a song right now and then text him. "I now own, AND play violins. Good luck on your next date(s)"
    via Alconium
  • FaustsAccountant No 3rd date for me. There are much better ways to keep the conversation going such as "why so long?" Or "what would help you pick the violin up again?" And so forth.
    via FaustsAccountant
  • DameofDames I hope you're not seeing him anymore. He's a schmuck.
    via DameofDames

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date night bad dates violin entitled people musicians
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