‘I was just sharing my sadness with her about my own break-up and how I wanted to heal/move on, but she flipped it and made it about her and her ex’: 32-year-old Woman Threatens to End Friendship if Friend Goes to a Conference Her Ex Will Be At

Author image for Olivia Arocena
Olivia Arocena • Writer and Editor
Sep 24, 2026 4:00 PM EDT

Is it a boundary or a form of coercion? I can't tell!

I believe some people can't tell the difference between a genuine, heartfelt boundary and an entitled claim. From the outside, it's very easy to tell when someone shouldn't listen to what their friends are saying, but from inside a relationship like this, it can get really tricky.

Contrary to what most people believe, it is not necessary to discuss everything and reach agreements. You can change the conversation entirely. You need to have your principles really clear, though.

A friend is allowed to tell you she would feel better if you don't befriend their ex, but they certainly can't forbid you from doing it. They are allowed to feel bad about it, just like we are allowed to feel bad about anything we want, but they can't coerce you into doing anything. Friendships and human relationships in general shouldn't be about coercion, but about encounters. If we are influencing someone else's free will, then we're not having a friendship; we're having a slave.

In this story in particular, I think the coercive friend is showing their true colors, and the other should take a good look. Her friend is watching her grieve and still chose to say something to keep her away from what makes her feel good. I don't know about you, but I don't think she should want to keep someone who behaves like that as a friend.

Do you think I'm overreacting, or should she definitely run for the hills? Is this friend toxic, or is her own grief clouding her judgement? Do you think this too shall pass?

Advertisement
  • Cheezburger Image 10665811968
    via Maxim Tolchinskiy

    The entitled friend making everything about her and her ex

    Licensed media provided as editorial context



     

  • How do you navigate a friend’s boundary when it conflicts with your own life?

    For context, I (F29) met my friend (F32) when she and her ex (M32) were together. I built a friendship with both of them before their breakup. When the breakup happened, she "claimed"
    via LilLuckyCloud
  • me in the breakup and I respected her wishes even though I didn't want to pick sides. Fast forward a few months, she has been meeting people and doing activities to move on from him. For a
    via LilLuckyCloud
  • few of these activities, she would invite me to come along and I would for support. Simultaneously, I was experiencing my own end of a relationship. I shared with her that I was interested in attending a
    via LilLuckyCloud
  • professional networking event in one of my niche interests to feel better about my breakup, meet new people, and build something that was my own in my life. This networking event also happened to be in the
    via LilLuckyCloud
  • Cheezburger Image 10665808384
    via Anton Ryazanov

    The controlling friend

    Scene shown is a visual representation



     

  • same sphere of hobbies/interests her ex was in- and she shared that he also attended these org's events. Her response surprised me. She said that if I attended these events, she
    via LilLuckyCloud
  • would have to take a step back in our friendship because she would not want any of her friends to have any association with him. I found this very confusing because at the beginning of her relationship dissolution,
    via LilLuckyCloud
  • she didn't feel any way if our guy friends decided to pick sides between the two of them. Plus, we've attended conferences together where we saw her ex multiple times on the convention floor.
    via LilLuckyCloud
  • Just looking for advice on how to navigate this. I had no expectation of her attending these with me, and was just sharing my sadness with her about my own break-up and how I wanted to heal/move on, but she flipped it and
    via LilLuckyCloud
  • made it about her and her ex. I have no desire to talk to her ex there. I want to respect her feelings, but I'm conflicted because I still want to build a life for myself.
    via LilLuckyCloud
  • Cheezburger Image 10665811712
    via Ben White

    Competing grievances

    Not actual story subjects

Want More? Follow Us and Add Us as a Preferred Source on Google.

Tags

friendship relationship advice friends relationships toxic relationship relationship drama
Scroll Down For The Next Article