Dad and stepmom renovate rural cabin, stepmom protests when 26-year-old stepson wants to host girlfriend's family there without them: 'He never has time to spend with us'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Sep 28, 2026 9:15 AM EDT

Who gets access to a family vacation home?

Not everybody has the privilege of owning another house specifically to get away from it all, so it is no surprise that those who do can find themselves becoming more popular with their friends and family. They want the benefit of a free vacation and are more than happy to cozy up to somebody if they think that they will give it to them. What with the price of traveling these days, it's hard to blame them.

As the homeowner, it is only fair that you get to be a little selective about who gets to use these facilities and when. It is unlikely that you would want to hand over a set of keys to just anybody. However, unless they really can't be trusted or you can't get along with them, it isn't too much of a stretch for close relatives to expect that they might get some occasional use out of the place.

Naturally, it is important to have some ground rules for anybody who visits your property, and it is always going to be the owner who has the final say. It's not fair for a potential guest to try to override that.

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  • A rustic log cabin next to a body of water.
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    A rustic log cabin next to a body of water. Stock photography for depiction only.
     

  • A dad and stepmom had purchased a rural cabin and renovated it predominantly themselves. Their 26-year-old son/stepson had requested to let himself, his girlfriend, and his girlfriend's family use it. While he had asked his dad and stepmom if they could join, they were not available.

    The stepmom was hesitant to agree to his request, as she didn't know the girlfriend's family and didn't want to clean up after them. On top of that, she resented the fact that the stepson didn't spend a lot of time with his 9-year-old brother. She wasn't sure if it would be an overreaction to refuse them.

  • Am I wrong not to allow stepson's in laws to use our cottage?

    Me and husband purchased an old cabin and renovated it ourselves. It has a nice land with a pond. My husband's 26 year old son helped a bit, but probably 1% of all the work we both did. The 26 year old barely ever goes to our house to visit my husband and our 9 year old son, his half-brother; when my husband wants to see him, he just goes to his place.
    via Anhen26
  • Me and husband agreed that if his sons want to stay at the cottage (with a girlfriend), they can.
    via Anhen26
  • However recently, the 26 year old who never has time to spend with us organized an outing not only with his girlfriend, but also her parents and her 7 year old sister. He asked us if we wanted to come, but his date with them was already established and we were not available (he asked only a few days before, so we were basically an
    via Anhen26

  • She felt like it was a big responsibility.

    afterthought) and they went to enjoy the place without us. Obviously, the day at the cottage involved cooking, using toilets, using kitchen towels, etc. which I will have to wash.
    via Anhen26
  • I only met his girlfriend once and never even met the parents. I would have been ok if we were there and also enjoyed, not just let strangers use our cottage just because they are with my step-son. AITAH not to accept this next time?
    via Anhen26
  • A woman embraces a man from behind in front of a body of water.
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    A woman embraces a man from behind in front of a body of water. Not actual story subjects.

  • It was her house and her rules.

    AsburyParkRules My parents had a rule about anyone using our ski house, you either leave it as clean or cleaner than you found it. If not you won't be welcome to use it again. I literally vacuumed my way out of the house. I cleaned all
    via AsburyParkRules
  • bathrooms, dusted, washed linens etc. Ny parents loved when I used it because it was always spotless. My sister used it twice and wasn't allowed to use it again, she's a slob.
    via AsburyParkRules
  • Emotional Rabbit6900 I mean you can do whatever you want but it will impact your relationship with your stepson and by extention maybe your husband. If you do decide to stop them from going in the future make sure its your husband that is delivering the message not you
    via Emotional_Rabbit6900

  • She was being controlling.

    basmaz YTA they went for a day trip and cleaned up after themselves and you think you might have to wash some hand towels? You're bats t insane. Who washes hand towels on a daily basis? As someone who makes it a point to be a good guest and clean up after myself in these situations it wouldn't have
    via basmaz
  • even crossed my mind to wash 2- 3 small towels. You clearly just don't like your stepson and want to find reasons to be mad and difficult. If you want to know why he doesn't visit your home frequently or have a close relationship with your bio son look in the mirror lady. You're the reason. Especially when his dad can go visit him just fine.
    via basmaz
  • GentleJackJones73 You don't like the stepson. It's a bitter pill, but if you like your marriage, you'll have to deal with him.
    via GentleJackJones73

  • She deserved her boundaries.

    Slight_Citron_7064 NTA. The fact that your stepson left a mess behind for you to clean up is inexcusable. I wouldn't let anyone use the place unless they cleaned up after themselves.
    via Slight_Citron_7064
  • mollymarie123 Personally, I think you are overreacting. Be generous and share your place. He did not make a mess. So you have to ask some linens. It's not that big a deal.
    via mollymarie123
  • gdognoseit NTA He should be doing all of the clean up and laundry after using the place. I would definitely implement that as a new rule.
    via gdognoseit

  • It wasn't like it was a long visit.

    Busy Chipmunk_7345 They were there for the day, so all they used was a dish cloth and drying cloth? I think you do not like him much and make a fuss.
    via Busy_Chipmunk_7345
  • DanaMarie75038 NTA. If he doesn't care about you, he wont care about your property after they use it.
    via DanaMarie75038
  • CompanyOther2608 I think it's fine for him to host his girlfriend's family. You sound jealous and resentful, which is somewhat understandable, but I'd act cheerful and let it go.
    via CompanyOther2608

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