‘He told me that I visibly seek people out, implying I seem desperate, and that there's nothing wrong with feeling lonely’: Man tries to seduce woman by telling her she appears needy

Author image for Olivia Arocena
Olivia Arocena • Writer and Editor
Oct 5, 2026 2:00 PM EDT

It's like adding insult to injury but with honey and Skittles

Some people have a really weird way of trying to invite you into their lives. I don't know where it comes from, but what happened to this woman has probably happened to most of us, if not all of us.

Some people bond through sadness or their ugly parts, and they unconsciously (at best) point out yours to connect. If you're vulnerable enough, you'll probably end up hooked by the tactic. You'll identify with the image they're reflecting to you and immediately form a trauma bond with them.

Luckily, this woman posted her story online before doing that, because nothing good will ever come of it. It's a tale as old as time, and it's manipulative, whether it's conscious or not.

Having someone who wants to 'save you' might sound altruistic at first, but it's likely someone who wants to remain in the hero role, and for that to happen, someone else has to remain perpetually a victim; and that's where everything gets messy.

I swear those people will help you enough to keep you afloat, but never enough for you to stand on your own two feet, and that's not real love.

I believe we are all desperate at some point; we're all lonely; we're all broken; some people will want our company regardless. Not to save us or to bring us down, only because they enjoy it. That's the kind of people we should fight to keep beside us. The rest can go home to their mommies.

Being open and kind is always a virtue, but it comes with the great responsibility of learning to practice it. Not everybody deserves our openness or our capacity to be vulnerable.

It's honestly crazy that the guy was attracted to the very same thing he was rejecting. In his twisted mind he might've thought he was helping her.

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  • Cheezburger Image 10668662528
    via Kinga Howard

    The 'lonely' woman

    Not actual story subjects

  • A guy told me my openness looks like loneliness

    Last night I (F34) did something new for me. After years of feeling blocked and inhibited, I decided to follow what I wanted. I went to a pub I go to often with a couple of friends, I was open and
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  • expansive, talked to a lot of people, had a good time. The night continued at another pub and I ended up spending the night with someone I knew from there. He (M39) was anxious
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  • and insecure, worried about his performance, questioning whether I really wanted him, sharing guilt about another situationship in his life. I stayed calm, reassured him, was honest and clear. He even told me he was
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  • struck by how I communicated. Then, "out of honesty," he told me he could tell I go out to avoid going home alone, that I visibly seek people out, implying I seem desperate, and that
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  • Cheezburger Image 10668662784
    via Anne Nygård

    "Out of honesty"
     Picture does not depict real parties

  • there's nothing wrong with feeling lonely. It wasn't a question, it was a verdict. I cried. Then I got angry. On my way out he said he'd like to see me again, and that if I want
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  • "something" from a man I can reach out to him, as long as I stop being "needy" in public. I didn't ask for his assessment. I was kind to him when he was vulnerable, and he used
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  • that moment to put himself above me. I'm still carrying the humiliation in my chest and I needed to put this somewhere.
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  • Has anyone else experienced this?
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  • RevolutionaryRent 716 This whole interaction seemed like projection on his part. He was envious of you and decided to speak out loud the things he thinks about himself using you as the emotional punching bag.
    via RevolutionaryRent716
  • ThatMeasurement3411 To quote "The Dude" Lebowski, "That's just like your opinion man." Why are you giving this man's opinion so much weight? His ego is off putting, just don't engage further.
    via ThatMeasurement3411
  • Cheezburger Image 10668663040
    via Anthony Tran

    Some opinions don't count

    Licensed media provided as editorial context

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Tags

relationship advice relationships toxic relationship relationship drama
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