Sister gets tired of hosting Thanksgiving dinner after 3 years, as she has to cook and buy everything, she drops down, but the family doesn't let her: 'I said I was done being the only one who treats it like a job'

Author image for María Cetra
María Cetra • Writer
Oct 8, 2026 1:00 PM EDT

Just don't do it; nobody can make you do something you don't want to do. 

Nobody can make you do anything that you don't want to do, whether it's going on a date with someone you don't want to hang out with, buying something you don't want to spend money on, or hosting a dinner in your house. You never ever have to do it if you don't want to. Saying 'no' is a full sentence that holds power; it is denying, it is rejecting, it is saying 'no'. You don't even need to give people an explanation; by just saying that simple word, you are free from doing what you didn't want to do. It is that powerful! So use it, and live by it. Life will be a lot better when you start saying 'no' and start honoring your own words. 

In this story, we had a sister who is tired of hosting Thanksgiving dinner at her house, as it is not only hosting, providing the place to do the celebration, but also making the grocery list, buying almost everything, and preparing the meals they are going to eat. Why does she need to be in charge of that? Can't someone else take care of it? Why aren't they even providing the food? She already has to clean her place before and after, but to also be in charge of buying the food is crazy. She shouldn't be preparing even more things for her house, and paying for those things is just crazy. Why do all the other family members get to enjoy the holiday while she has to work and do everything?

Thanksgiving is a celebration, a holiday, for everyone. Then why do some members of the family get to enjoy it as such while others have to do everything? This has only one solution: for this woman not to do anything. Don't host! Just don't do it. They can't just come into your home anyway. Go to a nice restaurant with your mom, enjoy the dinner, celebrate, and let the rest of your family take care of themselves. You don't owe them a celebration, they do owe you at least a thank you for all the celebrations you hosted. 

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  • 01

    Am I wrong for refusing to host our holiday dinner and run the grocery list after cooking it alone for three years?

    My mom, my brother, my sister, and I do Thanksgiving together. We all live in the same city. Mom is 71, and her place is a small one-bedroom with stairs she avoids. For the last three years, dinner has been at my apartment. The first time, Mom's oven was acting up, my sister was in a smaller rental, and my brother said his place was a mess. I had a table for six, so I said fine and bought the food, cooked most of
    via u/MoodyButSweet
  • 02
    A Thanksgiving celebration with turkey.
    via Jed Owen

    A Thanksgiving celebration with turkey. 

  • 03
    it, and cleaned up. The next year my sister just texted, "same plan?" and sent what her kids would eat. Last year my brother added his girlfriend and asked for a ham too. They do bring things. My sister handles dessert, my brother carves, and Mom sometimes gives me forty or fifty dollars. The planning, shopping, and most of the cooking stayed with me. I work retail management, so that
    via u/MoodyButSweet
  • 04
    week is already long, and I used two days off on the dinner. In September I said I wasn't hosting and I wasn't running the grocery list. I offered to bring a side if someone else hosted, or to do a restaurant and pay for Mom. My sister said Mom can't host, my brother's place is too small once the kids are there, and I was making this about nobody clapping hard enough. She said dropping it in September screws
    via u/MoodyButSweet
  • 05
    everyone. I said I was done being the only one who treats it like a job. She said if I won't do the list, nothing gets bought and Mom spends the day alone. My brother said he can bring drinks and help wherever. Mom told me she doesn't want to be the reason we fight, and that her place probably won't work. AITA for refusing to host and organize it this year?
    via u/MoodyButSweet
  • 06
    Thanksgiving dinner with a table full of food.
    via Stefan Vladimirov

    Thanksgiving dinner with a table full of food. 

  • 07
    Budget_Concept6010 NTA, don't do it. If I were you I'd take my mum to a fancy restaurant to get the thanksgiving experience with her.
    via u/Budget_Concept6010
  • 08
    fattybuttz Wow. Your sister as an a h le. "Nobody clapped hard enough"? Maybe she needs to take a day off and help prep. NTA
    via fattybuttz
  • 09
    momthom427 Make assignments. If your brother wants a ham, he brings it along with dessert and drinks. Sister brings whatever her kids will eat, a side, and rolls. Mom brings a side and snacks. Host does the turkey- which can be bought cooked from most grocery stores and lots of restaurants. Everything people bring should be cooked and only need a bit of warming if anything. Make it clear you are only providing turkey and the
    via momthom427
  • 10
    location, along with a set table. Everyone cleans up. Use paper plates if you want to. Alternatively, buy a precooked meal from a grocery store or restaurant and split the cost. Only order it after everyone has paid. Stick to it.
    via momthom427
  • 11
    Bitter-Fishing-Bt Imao "my brother carves" wow, hero of the hour right there
    via Bitter-Fishing-Bt
  • 12
    Special-Solution5555 The minute your sister sent you a text with a special menu for what her kids wanted....should have said 'great I'll put you down for bringing all that' and your brother's in charge of carving. Are you f-ing kidding? His whole contribution is to take the spotlight on carving your hard work. Tell him to sit his a down. Reserve a table for you and Mom at a
    via Special-Solution5555
  • 13
    nice restaurant.(before they are too full to take walk ins). Send everyone a group text "the turkey will be ready at X time. The rest is up to you." When they show up hungry and empty handed expecting a giant free meal just say "me and mom have an appointment, sorry we have to go" and then leave. Tell them they can all try it again at next most convenient time for you, tell them you will reheat the turkey, they can bring the rest. This is not the week to load a bunch of extra bulls on a retail w
    via Special-Solution5555
  • 14
    Besides this should be held at the home of the one with kids so that they have toys and stuff to keep them entertained throughout the day.
    via Special-Solution5555
  • 15
    Deb-1961 NTA. You've done it for 3 years. Take Mom to dinner and let your brother and sister know that's now the plan since no one else will do it. Stand firm with your boundaries!
    via Deb-1961
  • 16
    Bossyboots37 NTA. Tell them to bring the food. You can provide the turkey and one side. If they want it at your house, they need to help.
    via Bossyboots37
  • 17
    lovelyfreedom76 Why does your brother carve when you buy, cook, and prepare the food? Wow!
    via lovelyfreedom76

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