Son's girlfriend is graduating, and his mom got invited, she wanted to go, but with a friend, girlfriend didn't like the idea, now the mom wants to cancel: 'I let them both live with me for the past four years, and this is how I am treated'

Author image for María Cetra
María Cetra • Writer
Nov 1, 2026 1:45 PM EST

If you are invited somewhere, one should always assume that only you are invited, not you and whoever you want to bring as well. 

Imagine graduating and deciding to invite your boyfriend's mother to the celebration, as you live with her, and she was helpful during the time you were studying, only to find out she wants to bring a friend with her under the pretense that she doesn't want to feel left out with your family, even though her son will be there. Now imagine that you are being invited to your son's girlfriend's graduation party that is far away, so you want to bring a friend to stay with you and do things together that do not include the graduation party, as this person is not invited to that. Are you lost? So are the people from this story. This is such a huge misunderstanding that can only be blamed on the lack of communication skills that people have. Did you notice that both things could occur at the same time without bothering anyone? Let me explain. 

To be clearer, I'm going to call the boyfriend's mother Jane. So, to get the context of the non-issue: the girlfriend wants Jane to come to her out-of-town graduation. Jane wants to go, but she doesn't want to stay with the girlfriend's family, so she wants to bring a friend with her to split the Airbnb. Where's the issue, you may be asking? The girlfriend doesn't want Jane´s friend at the graduation ceremony, but that was not going to happen. The problem is that Jane said she wanted to bring a friend but never explained that it would only be to stay with her, not to accompany her to the ceremony. So is there really an issue? I don't think so. The real problem in all this is that these two people aren't communicating clearly and are using the boy they have in common as a cellphone. If they had talked to each other, they would soon realize that both things they want can happen at the same time without creating any problems. 

My takeaway from all this is that people need to talk to each other more. Stop texting, for once and for all, and call someone to arrange something like this. If you are planning something important, you shouldn't be handling it with text messages. Go to their house and talk to them or call them like in the old times. Writing everything can lead to misunderstandings; not everyone understands what they want. That's why you call them. New generations love to text for everything. If they could send an emoji or sticker that explained everything, they would. Well, stop that. Talk over the phone like a normal person would, and all these misunderstandings would end pretty quickly. So next time you enter an argument like this one, remember me and call the other person. I promise you everything will be easier to sort out once you get used to talking to people that way. 

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  • My son's (23) girlfriend (25) is graduating in May with her masters from Arizona State. We live in Virginia so, we will have to travel. Her entire family will be there and renting an Air BNB. I was asked if I wanted to come and I said yes. I also said I plan to ask a very close friend to come along so I am not the odd man out. My son has been with her for 4 years and I have met her family twice. My son informed me that I should not bring my friend
    via ReplacementTough7890
  • A graduation ceremony.
    via Ethan Gowans

    A graduation ceremony. 

  • because it would make his girlfriend uncomfortable. I never said I would stay with her family just that I would come. I just stared at him because I was dumbfounded that we were even having this conversation. I told him there will be thousands of people there that she does not know so, how will this be so any different? I then stated that what he was saying is that it is ok for me to be alone and uncomfortable with people I have
    via ReplacementTough7890
  • met twice as long as she is comfortable. I asked him how that was logical. He then called me entitled for wanting to bring someone along because it is her graduation. The best part is I have let them both live with me for the past four years because of the economy and this is how I am treated. I am looking for other perspectives to show them
    via ReplacementTough7890
  • Update: In my attempt to be concise, I was too vague. I did not want to invite my friend to the graduation or the air BNB. I would stay in a hotel and attend the event myself. I wanted to invite her to do things with me in the down times. I would never invite someone to another person's event without approval. I understand it is her day. I am not trying to take away from that.
    via ReplacementTough7890
  • Her classes are 100% online. She lives with us now and has since 2022. I only pointed out the living situation with me for context of how well I know her. No other reason. I do not do things with the expectation of kick backs for my good deeds. Sorry if that was not clear. My son and I lived with my friend for some time so I view her as
    via ReplacementTough7890
  • family. We are just platonic friends. Nothing more. His girlfriend has anxiety issues so maybe she thought I meant to invite her to everything so that is definitely something I can clarify with her. I am trying to gain more insight to understand why someone would be upset because they are not articulating it very well. I appreciate all of the feedback and
    via ReplacementTough7890
  • will definitely discuss it more with them. Maybe it is a misunderstanding where she thinks I meant to invite her to everything. At the end of the day I will still go because my son loves her. Using the word canceling was a poor choice on my part. I am far from petulant, narcissistic, or selfish.
    via ReplacementTough7890
  • Graduates throwing caps in celebration. Featured likenesses do not identify those mentioned.
    via RUT MIIT

    Graduates throwing caps in celebration.

    Featured likenesses do not identify those mentioned. 

  • SolmaRedditUserNow So... you're not going to stay at their airBNB with them, right? If you want to get a hotel and your 'very close friend' comes and stays there too, I'm not exactly seeing too much of an issue...YET The problem becomes, you realize this isn't your party, right? Its his girlfriends. She gets to pick who comes. Look, I get that if 'very close
    via SolmaRedditUserNow
  • friend' was 'spouse' (even if 'spouse' was no relation to your son), then you might have a case here. But 'very close friend' that has no relationship with the girlfriend, and apparently not your son, what is the point? I mean, if you want to turn this into a long weekend, and you go to this graduation+party while your 'very close friend' does their own thing elsewhere during that time, sounds like fun. You and your 'very close friend' then hit the sights for the rest
    via SolmaRedditUserNow
  • of the weekend. But you don't get to automatically bring a +1. And... yeah, you don't know many people other than your son. Think about this, if your son and her have been a thing for 4 years, maybe look at this like she may be your daughter in law at some point. Makes sense to perhaps get to know her family?
    via SolmaRedditUserNow
  • calacmack If you can't go alone then don't go at all. This milestone is about her, not you. Bringing a stranger would be inappropriate for this family event. YTA.
    via calacmack
  • uniqueme1 You're backpedalling dude. Your original post talks about how uncomfrotable you'll be being there alone and being with people you've only met twice, and that there are thousands of people at the graduation so you want company. Then from your edit you say you of course would never bring her to events and you'll go alone.
    via uniqueme1
  • Which means really you *were* planning on bringing her to those group/shared events to help YOU feel better and now that you feel that you're getting enough people calling you out on it, you're trying to play innocent.
    via uniqueme1
  • Such Temporary_3125 I'm honestly surprised you're getting so much criticism for this. I don't think it's unreasonable to want someone to travel with you, especially when you're going across the country to attend an event where you barely know anyone. Couldn't your friend just come along for the trip and skip the actual graduation? Because that seems completely fair to both parties. Personally, I hate graduations and
    via Such_Temporary_3125
  • would be perfectly happy sitting that part out anyway. Seems like a pretty simple compromise. And I'm sorry, but I do think the fact that you've allowed your son and his girlfriend to live with you for four years matters. Not because they in any way owe you control over her graduation, but because I would think that after four years of that kind of generosity, there would be a little more compassion and consideration for your feelings.
    via Such_Temporary_3125
  • There's a big difference between expecting something in return for your kindness and simply expecting a little kindness in return. Those two things aren't mutually exclusive and kindness goes a long way. I think everyone is so focused on whether the girlfriend has the right to say no that they're overlooking whether she's being particularly considerate in doing so. NTA as long as you tell your friend to sit the graduation out. You shouldn't have to travel that far alone.
    via Such_Temporary_3125

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family drama graduation discussion son misunderstanding boyfriends-mother
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