Husband gives $4000 from the couple's savings to his brother without telling his wife, so she took $6100 from the joint account and put it in hers: 'His mom called the next day and said not to let money come between family'

Author image for María Cetra
María Cetra • Writer
Nov 10, 2026 1:45 PM EST

If you take money out of the joint bank account without telling your partner, then you are stealing. It doesn't matter why you did it. It's called being a thief. 

If I had trusted someone enough for them not only to be my partner but also to marry them and go as far as combining our savings in the hopes of buying a house together, then that person could never lie to me as this person did. They can´t even make a joke that involves lying. I have trusted them so much already that any form of trick or lie will be met with breaking up. When you trust someone that much, you can't be playing around; you are in a VERY committed relationship that involves a lot more than just the love that you both have for each other — not saying that the love isn't enough, but this case is so much more than that. If I have gotten that far with someone, I am trusting them with my life. After all, having or not having your savings can be risky to your life. So the least that I would expect from them is not to lie to me. 

I hate when people think that just because it is a family matter, then you all have to be understanding and forgiving. The fact that someone is part of your family, or your in-laws, doesn't mean that the things they do don't have consequences. If you do something that damages me, it doesn't matter who you are; I will be mad regardless. I would go as far as saying that if you do something that makes me feel bad and you are my family and I love you, then it hurts a thousand times more than if you were a random person. You know me better than most people, and you still decided to do something that could make me feel bad? That's not what a good person would do. If you did something bad and you are a family member, then be aware that nobody is going to simply forgive you just because you are family. Ultimately, you are a human being who made a bad choice, and bad choices have consequences, so deal with them. 

To me, it doesn't matter if your brother was going to end up homeless; I don't care. If you take my savings out of our account, then we are splitting because I cannot trust you. They could have asked before taking the money and had a conversation like two grown-ups would. But no, they thought it was better to take the money without notifying the other account holder and act like the superhero that saves the day with money that isn't even theirs to use freely. That kind of attitude is not only a massive red flag, but also a sign not to trust that person anymore with anything. They are a threat not only to your finances but to your future. I would get out of there so fast; taking the money out of the account would be nothing. 

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    A couple looking stressed over money issues. Licensed media provided as editorial context.
    via Vitaly Gariev

    A couple looking stressed over money issues. 

    Licensed media provided as editorial context. 

  • 02
    My husband and I have been saving for a house for about 2 years. We each put $500 a month into a joint savings account and as of last month we had about $12,000. It took a long time to get there and I genuinely thought we were close to putting in offers. Last Tuesday my husband told me he sent his brother $4,000 from the account. His brother's landlord is selling the building. He needs first and last for a new
    via EquivalentPop3999
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    place before December. My husband didn't talk to me about it before he did it, just told me after it was done. I asked him why he didn't come to me first. He said his brother called panicking that morning about the landlord selling and he didn't know what else to do, it's not like he was going to tell his own brother who just had his life fall apart to figure it out on his own while we have money just
    via EquivalentPop3999
  • 04
    sitting there. He said we'd make it back. The next morning I went through our bank statements and added up every single deposit with my name on it. My total came to $6,100 so I transferred that into my own savings account. That left $1,900 in the joint which is his half minus the $4,000 he gave away. He noticed the balance that night
    via EquivalentPop3999
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    and came into the kitchen asking where the money went. I told him I moved my half out. I'm not rebuilding from zero while his brother has $4,000 of what I saved. He said that's his brother, not some random person. I told him it doesn't matter, he spent my money too and I didn't get a d in say in it. His mom called the next day and
    via EquivalentPop3999
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    said not to let money come between family. She said his brother is already embarrassed enough without me pulling a stunt like this.
    via EquivalentPop3999
  • 07
    Counting money bills.
    via Alexander Mils

    Counting money bills. 

  • 08
    Retired HomeEcTchr Another way that indicated this was fake, if in the US, your landlord can say he's selling the building. It won't happen overnight, so "the brother" had plenty of time to find another place to live. No need to panic. The new owner may also have wanted current tenants to stay. Current landlord has a security to return, too, right? And you don't pay first month's rent to the new landlord until you move in, so instead of paying your old
    via Retired HomeEcTchr
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    landlord on the first, you pay your new one. Sometimes, the new landlord will give you a few days grace on the security knowing it's coming from the old one, but even if not, seriously? "Brother" didn't need $4K.
    via Retired HomeEcTchr
  • 10
    RoosterCommercial875 Wed make it back. We? He spent the money alone, so he can make it back alone. NTA.
    via RoosterCommercial875
  • 11
    karebear66 Your husband and his brother panicked. Part of what makes buying a rental property advantageous, is having it completely rented. The new owner will have to negotiate a new lease, or give at least 30 days notice to vacate. This was not a tome sensitive emergency. Your husband had plenty of time to discuss this with you. I hope at least, your husband got a written promise for repayment from his brother. Moving your half of the joint
    via karebear66
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    savings was a good move. Petty perhaps, doing it without talking to him first. NTA
    via karebear66
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    Glittering Injury7642 You took your own money. He took money that wasnt all his. If anybody pulled a stunt here, its the guy who told you after it was done. NTA.
    via Glittering Injury7642
  • 14
    CallansFin 1. You had a joint account for a joint goal that you contributed to equally. That account was built in trust that it was money for a future home. He betrayed that trust withdrawing from it for something other than the goal without speaking to you first 2. You didn't withdraw any money that wasn't yours. He can now replace that money on his own-
    via CallansFin
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    or with the help of his brother and mother. 3. Instead of running to his mommy he should be focused on how to rebuild trust in his marriage. There's no way my husband would spend that kind of money without first speaking to me-no matter the reason
    via CallansFin
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    Famous_Ad_7341 His mom said not to let money come between you and your husband. It's her son. Tell her to replace the money her son took and the money will no longer be an issue. But seriously it's about trust and your husband has broken that. Additionally when houses are sold, tenants are often given money to vacate. It rarely is immediate in a sale.
    via Famous_Ad_7341
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    CuriousDori NTA. Your husband failed by not talking to you first. As for his brother being embarrassed, he wouldn't be if your husband had not discussed your marital conversation with his mother and brother. You should have stated that to MIL.
    via CuriousDori

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