31 Relatable Tweets About Marriage That'll Hit Close To Home

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mattstaff
May 30, 2018 12:00 PM EDT

Some of these (almost) don't make marriage sound so bad! 

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  • 01
    Text - Charles Demers @charliedemers My wife is so much better looking than me that a cashier just put a plastic divider down in the middle of our groceries.
    via yuyufan43
  • 02
    Text - Floyd @dafloydsta WIFE: Stop spending money on stupid stuff ME: Okay later] WIFE: What the hell? [dog walks by in a tuxedol ME: He's getting married, Karen
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  • 03
    Text - James Breakwell @XplodingUnicorn Wife: Someone invented a laundry folding machine Me: I already have one of those. It's called aw- Wife: *death glare* Me: It's called me
    via yuyufan43
  • 04
    Text - Josh @iwearaonesie Before I got married I didn't even know there was a wrong way to put the milk back in the fridge
    via yuyufan43
  • 05
    Text - James Breakwell @XplodingUnicorn Follow Wife: We need milk, eggs, and bread. Write it down Me: No need. I'll remember. [an hour later] Wife: What did you buy? Me: A panda
    via yuyufan43
  • 06
    Text - UUL(s) Follow @3sunzzz I told my husband I wanted a hedgehog and he said we don't need a hedgehog. Long story short, we're picking it up on Thursday.
    via yuyufan43
  • 07
    Text - Sad & Useless Humor @sadanduseless Before marriage I never realized that forgetting to put the toilet seat down is a political statement.
    via yuyufan43
  • 08
    Text - Annie Hatfield @HatfieldAnne Tell me again how I unloaded the dishwasher to0 loudly when you were watching golf. Detectives will want to know exactly how this went down.
    via yuyufan43
  • 09
    Text - eric Follow @ericsshadow My wife is finally coming home from her week long trip, so you know what I'm getting tonight... yelled at. I'm gonna get yelled at.
    via yuyufan43
  • 10
    Text - Mel Evans Follow @mel_evans Marriage is basically just whispering, "Are you awake? I need to show you this cat video."
    via yuyufan43
  • 11
    Text - James Breakwell @XplodingUnicorn Follow Me: *wins a Pokemon battle* This is my greatest accomplishment. Wife: Uh, you have four kids. Me: You're right. I should tell them I won
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  • 12
    Text - Josh @iwearaonesie Follow wife *opens First Aid Kit* WHY WOULD YOU FILL IT WITH CHEETOS? me [bleeding] It was funny at the time
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  • 13
    Text - Kent Graham @KentWGraham I don't understand how God can have Ten Commandments for the whole world, and my wife can have 152 just for our house.
    via yuyufan43
  • 14
    Text - Josh @iwearaonesie *oulls curtain back while wife is in the shower* stop screaming, it's just me- are we me: Are we out of Cheetos?
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  • 15
    Text - mark Follow @TheCatWhisprer WIFE: you forgot to run the dishwasher again, didn't you? ME: [drinking milk from a flower vase] no, why?
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  • 16
    Text - Michelle Ames Follow @michelleames Making sure you're the first to ask "what do you want for dinner" so you don't have to be the one to decide. #marriedpeopleproblems
    via yuyufan43
  • 17
    Text - Daniel Carrillo @DanielRCarrillo Marriage is just texting each other "Do we need anything from the grocery store?" a bunch of times until one of you dies.
    via yuyufan43
  • 18
    Text - Jeff @usermcuserface Wife: why are you breathing like that? Ahh marriage. When you can be questioned for continuing to live.
    via yuyufan43
  • 19
    Text - Zack Follow @Mr_Kapowski You know you've been married a while when you can correctly answer "What's that one person's name in that movie about the thing?"
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  • 20
    Text - Mme Mumsie Follow @MUMSIEesq My husband just texted me from the bathroom and asked me to bring him "A LOT more toilet paper," so yeah, the romance ain't dead people
    via yuyufan43
  • 21
    Text - James Breakwell @XplodingUnicorn Relationship status: My wife asked me what I wanted for dinner and then told me I was wrong.
    via yuyufan43
  • 22
    Text - Josh @iwearaonesie My wife said I need to grow up. I was speechless. It's hard to say anything when you have 45 gummy bears in your mouth
    via yuyufan43
  • 23
    Cat - Asdi MB INFLATABLE UnicORn FOR CATS! EORD INFIATABLE UnicORn HORD FOR CATS! CATS LOVE JJ! Kalvin Follow @KalvinMacleod WIFE: Did you finish the yardwork? ME: no WIFE: why? ME: 5:33 PM 18 Apr 2016 1,062 1,914
    via yuyufan43
  • 24
    Text - keith @tchrquotes Me: Look, I love you, But I made exactly the amount of cheese & crackers I want to eat right now. Wife: But I only... Me: EXACTLY the amount
    via yuyufan43
  • 25
    Text - Valerie @ValeeGrrl Husband got excited thinking I was touching myself under the covers but I was actually just opening a Kit Kat I didn't wanna share.
    via yuyufan43
  • 26
    Text - Flannery @imdaintyaf Follow Husband: I love you. Me: *eating a potato chip really loudly* You should. I'm a goddamn miracle.
    via yuyufan43
  • 27
    Text - James Breakwell Follow @XplodingUnicorn Wife: Did you give the kids a bath? Me: Yes Wife: Did you give them a bath TODAY? Damn. She knows about that loophole.
    via yuyufan43
  • 28
    Text - Six Pack Mom @Six_Pack_Mom watching husband sleep* Me: "I just love him so much, he's my everyth-" *husband snores* II Me: "I can't live like this."
    via yuyufan43
  • 29
    Text - Grant Tanaka Follow @GrantTanaka Wife: It's like every man on earth has to share one brain Me: [can't think of a good comeback because it's not my turn to use the brain]
    via yuyufan43
  • 30
    Text - David Hughes @david8hughes Follow Text from wife: I'm so sorry, I'm gonna be about half an hour late Me [forgot we were even meeting, still in bed]: you always do this
    via yuyufan43
  • 31
    Text - Grant Tanaka @Grant Tanaka Follow me: want me to make dinner wife: nah it's ok honey, I know you're still tired from doing it back in 2003
    via yuyufan43

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