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All You Need To Know About Kids & Food In These Useful Charts For Parents

Food is always a tricky issue when your'e a parent so HowtoBeADad came up with some useful tip charts for you.  

elinorsalo Posted by elinorsalo
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  • 1
    Food group - THE FOOD PYRAMID ACCORDING TO GROSS GROUP Kids Eat sparingly, preferably with witnesses BREATH & GAS GROUP PORTABLE GROUP 2-3 servings Eat as needed for desired effect BEVERAGE GROUP CONDIMENT GROUP 6-8 servings 6-8 servings INEDIBLE GROUP Only when you can't resist YUMMY GROUP 10-30 servings CHOCOLATE GROUP wwww. "I WILL NOT EAT THIS" GROUP As many servings as you can get 0 servings LUNCH howtobeadad.com DAD
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  • 2
    Recipe - FEEDING KIDS BOOT CAMP Extreme Train ing for Strength, Agility& Patience in Feeding a Child TOOL MASTERY SKILL GAINED: Swift and accurate control of a food choo choo or acrobatic airspoon to transport bites of food into a kid's mouth tunnel or hangar 1: Make a hole in a melon. 2: Attach it to a fan and set it to full blast 3: Practice shoveling an egg on a spoon into the gyrating target. PRO: play a recording of yowling cats at volume 11. MENTAL ENDURANCE SKILL GAINED: Zen patience for
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  • 3
    Text - AN ILLUSTRATED GUIDE TO THE OUTRAGEOUS OBSTACLES OF FEEDING YOUNG KIDS CARTOONIZED SO IT'S NOT SO MADDENING POOR HAND/MOUTH COORDINATION You want them to learn to feed themselves properly, but you'd also like more of the food to make it into their mouth and less of it onto the floor and ceiling. RANDOM APPETITE So close! Yet so thrown in the garbage. You were sure you knew what they'd eat, but it turned out to be a steaming plate of nope. And a snack for mom or dad later. PRICKLY PICKINES
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  • 4
    Text - Junk Food Baby Size Chart Compare your baby to the foods you WANT to eat, not the foods you SHOULD eat Week 1: Speck of Sugar Even if your undetectable baby is only a few cells, who wants to ever use the word zygote? Let's go with "speck." Week 4: Donut Sprinkle This tiny globule has formed its major organs and will one day ask to borrow your car. You may cry a lot. Week 6: Chocolate Chip Don't freak out, you are not having a Sea-Monkey. Eyes, ears and nose are starting to form. Human one
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  • 5
    Text - Parenting Calorie Counter A scientificish look at the caloric expenditure of commonplace parenting activities. Bathing Mostly immobile 87 Can escape tub 128 Taking the Pregnancy Test Butt piss 329 Trying for a baby 450 Extracting an Unpurchased Toy Not trying, missed period 1,214 From your kid's hand: 45 Delivering a Baby From your kid's mouth: 98 5,000-750,000+ Varies If it lights up (add 200) If it lights up & makes sounds (add 400) Changing a Diaper Being asked... Pee pee 37 "What are
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  • 6
    Food - CRUST:ACHILDS NATURAL ENEMY AN ANALYSIS FROM A KID'S PERSPECTIVE SANDWICH CRUST (The Brown/Dark/Yucky Part) TASTES LIKE: Brown, dark, yucky stuff. ANALYSIS: 50% of all my bites will be ruined unless this stuff is cut away. f it's soft, maybel can mash it up into bread animal BREAD CRUST (The Armor Part) TASTES LIKE: Fossilized driftwood. ANALYSIS: I'm more likely to eat the bag this came in than eat this gum-shredding, rabid dog's chew toy. These are the geode rocks of food, the treasure'
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  • 7
    Banana - Toddler's Guide TO A- Yucky butt nipple DO NOT EAT! Snack meal Icky spots Full Appetite ruiner Hairy stringu thingy Opener (Requires an adult) DON'T EAT! Armor (Discard anywhere) DAD howtobeadad.com 00 Ugh get it anay! En gross no way!Yum! Taste test
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  • 8
    Food group - ALTERNATIVE DIETS FOR PARENTS! COFFEE DIET Drink coffee non-stop until you're urinating every 10 minutes or until you can feel the blood pumping in your eyeballs. The Concept: Coffee acts as both a stimulant AND an appetite suppressant. Add to this, the calorie-burning benefits of the full-body shakes you'll develop. LEFTOVERS DIET Prepare or purchase the food for your family as usual but not for yourself. Then eat what they don't! Only The Concept: Leftovers are common, and it's ne
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  • 9
    Text - INGREDIENTS: Booger Nutrition Facts Naturally Dried Mucus (Water, Mucin, Enzymes), Salt (as a naturally occurring preservative), Saliva (as a softening agent). Serving Size 1/4 mL Servings in a Nose 8 Amount Per Serving ALLERGEN INFORMATION May contain trace amounts of: dust, animal hair or dander, pollen, peanut and tree nut particles, talc, playdoh, glitter, pureed food, household sprays, tissue fibers, small reclusive insects, Calories 5 % Daily Value* Fat 0 0% Cholesterol Omg 0% Sodiu
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