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These Crazy Tumblr Stories Will Add The Spice You Needed Today

This is why we love tumblr!

elinorsalo Posted by elinorsalo
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  • 1
    Text - penceyprepofficial: when I was like 9 my neighbors asked me to watch their fish and cat while they went on vacation and I was like "lol k" and while they were gone tHE FUCKING FISH DIED so when they got home I apologized to the mom and she was just like "no need to apologize, I turned the filter off so they would die because they are too much work. You did nothing wrong" and she gave me 20 bucks and that is the story of my first contracted murder
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  • 2
    Text - burgrs: in 9th grade i was getting picked on in class and this girl was like "fuck you guys leave him alone" and called me over to her seat and I was like "thx lol" and she was like "I have something special to show you don't tell the teacher" and I said "ok" and she pulled a guinea pig out of her purse
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  • 3
    Text - missmella: You guys I'm in Disney World and this afternoon my blood sugar dropped so low I got separated from my family and somehow bought an ice cream and then blacked out and woke up on a bench with chocolate sauce all over my arms and Mickey Mouse putting a cold towel on my head this truly is a magical place
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  • 4
    Text - ruffaloon omfg my mom dropped her iphone in the toilet so she fished it out and desperately yelled 'SIRI I DROPPED YOU IN THE TOILET WHAT DO I DO' and siri replied 'Tara, you have 28 events in July. That's a lot.' and then died capitalvice #more dramatic than romeo and juliet
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  • 5
    Text - heart Follow anonymous asked: I stole a snow globe from an airport gift shop when I was 4, and then when I was 6 I found out what stealing was and that it was bad, and i had nightmares about the police coming to get me every night for 3 months until my parents finally brought me to a therapist and he made them buy plane tickets just so that I could return the snow globe that i'd stolen 2 years earlier. The manager thought it was so funny that he sends me snow globes every year on the "ste
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  • 6
    Text - menderash i saw a really cool butterfly expert man on PBS and was so in awe of him and his butterfly knowledge i tracked down the episode online to see how to spell his name and found his twitter and followed him, only for the next day to awaken to him having read not only my webcomic, but also my livetweets saying how i wanted to marry the butterfly man. he said he was flattered. anyway the moral of the story is please don't underestimate how far down your twitter a bored entomologist wi
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  • 7
    Text - thebatteur: once in kindergarten a girl asked me to write "super girl" on her arm since i was the only kid who could write so i wrote "shit" on her arm and i hid under the table for like 30 minutes then the teacher found me and yelled at me then called my parents and my dad laughed so hard he cried
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  • 8
    Text - samuelshakusky when i was in fourth grade we were doing a math lesson and all of a sudden the teachers like "have you ever seen a pregnant bird" and everyones jsut like "no" and then she slams her hand on the table and screams "THATS BECAUSE THEY DONT EXIST" AND ONE KID IN THE BACK JUST BLURTS OUT "WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH MATH"
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  • 9
    Text - primadonnas so I GET HOME AND THERE'S THIS RANDOM KID ON MY COUCH AND HE'S LIKE ALRIGHT MAN I DON'T WANNA HURT U JUST PUT UR STUFF DOWN AND GET ON THE GROUND I JUST WANT UR MONEY' AND I FUCKIN ALMOST PUKED I WAS LIKE "OMG PLS NO I DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY I'M ONLY 15" THEN HE WAS LIKE "NAH MAN I'M JUST FUCKIN WITH U I'M UR BROTHER'S FRIEND HE'S IN THE SHOWER I'M JUST WAITIN FOR HIM"
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  • 10
    Text - Today, I fucked up... by buying a bottle of wine at the movies Went to fancy movie theater with date. Decide to buy a bottle of wine. Go back to bar. Ask for two glasses. Bartender says he needs two ID's. I'm too lazy to go back to seats to grab dates ID. Tell him I'm alone and was embarrassed to ask for just one glass. He is clearly sympathetic. Idiot me then tries to sell the story and continue on about how lonely I've been recently. He tells me he's off in a few minutes and insists on
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  • 11
    Text - 1612th in like 5th grade my whole family was driving home from some trip and i was listening to "kids with guns" by the gorillaz on my ipod and it made me feel really rebellious because i was a kid and according to that song kids have guns so when we drove into the garage my dad was like "ok we're home" and i said "shut up dad" and he just looked at me for a long time and didn't say anything and i started crying
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