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27 Amazon Reviews That Will Knock Your Socks Off

Sometimes the internet surprises me. Sure, I've been around long enough to know that if there's one thing that's unpredictable, it's the internet. These Amazon reviews were unexpected and they are GREAT. Seriously. Whoever the good samaritans are who wrote these reviews, I salute you. Your humor and creativity did not go unnoticed and you absolutely brightened up my day with these top notch Amazon reviews. Keep up the good work, chums. 

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  • 1
    amazon review about socks I bought these for basketball and I could not be happier with the results. The first time I wore them I felt like I had a little indigestion but in reality it was a bald eagle birthing itself from my body drinking kentucky bourbon and smoking a cigar. Said bald eagle placed me gently on its wings and allowed me to dunk all over the team I was playing against (which on an unrelated note was filled with communists). T
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  • 2
    amazon review about movie You never see the fish's dick By Steve on March 4, 2018 Format: Amazon Video Verified Purchase I wish I could give this thing zero stars. You don't see the fish's dick. Not once. How is such a thing possible? Let's make Jurassic Park' but not show the dinosaurs. Let's make 'Aliens' but with no Xenomorphs. How about Titanic' with zero boat. This is a movie abo
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  • 3
    amazon review about glitter This review is from: Creative Arts by Charles Leonard Glitter, 16 oz. (1 Lb.) Bottle, Multi-Color (41100) (Office Product) So I wake up in the middle of the night in my 2 bedroom apartment. I find me roommate passed out face down on the wooden floor. I think nothing of it an
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  • 4
    Owl - Oregon Zoo Follow @OregonZoo YOU WONT BE DISAPPOINTED This stylish little unit is amazing. Sound quality A+. No distortion at full volume but bass is a little weak. Top rotates which is a plus #rateaspecies 12:03 PM 9 Mar 2018
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  • 5
    Lion - uANLES Los Angeles Zoo and Botanical ... Follow @LAZOO ZOO MOSTLY HARMLESS A+ excellent sleeper, perfectly content to sleep for 20+ hours in a day. Best to avoid during waking hours. #rateaspecies 1:28 PM 9 Mar 2018 -
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  • 6
    amazon review about book Buy this book, or don't, I don't care anymore, January 10, 2011 By Michael Pemulis This review is from: Microwave for One (Hardcover) It used to be that I got home from work and the only thing I'd want to put in my mouth was the cold barrel of my grandfather's shotgun. Then I discovered Sonia Allison's Chicken Tetrazzini, and now there are two things.
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  • 7
    amazon review about THE WOLF OF WALL STREET There are no wolves in the movie -_ 6 May 2016 By Shiva P. This review is from: The Wolf of Wall Street (Blu-ray) There were no wolves in the movie
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  • 8
    amazon review about shoes NIKE AIR FOAMPOSITE ONE NRG Style # 521286 MENS (Apparel) Sure these shoes are pricey but you get what you pay for. I worked 60 hours a week all year long and I finally was able to purchase these shoes. I put them on and you could immediately tell these weren't your average $60 sneakers. They may have the same amount of form, comfort, shape and performance but they are WAY more stylish. Like $3,000 stylish So
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  • 9
    amazon review about charger My wife and I can now charge all of our devices simultaneously. Now all we fight about is her crippling alcoholism and my unhealthy obsession with Dakota Fanning
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  • 10
    amazon review about Cable - Great cable, but too fast., June 23, 2008 By Matt Sidor This review is from: Denon AKDL1 Dedicated Link Cable (Discontinued by Manufacturer) (Electronics) Transmission of music data at rates faster than the speed of light seemed convenient, until I realized I was hearing the music before I actually wanted to play it. Apparently Denon forgot how accustomed most of us are to unidirectional time and the general laws of physics. I tried to get
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  • 11
    amazon review about RADIOACTIVECONTENT URANIUM ORE ACTIVITY: 984 CPM Great Product, Poor Packaging, May 14, 2009 By Patrick J. McGovern This review is from: Uranium Ore I purchased this product 4.47 Billion Years
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  • 12
    amazon review about lift-the-flap book a karen katz Belly Button? DO NOT buy this book, you can SEE the ending right on the cover!, April 19, 2012 Вy РaсМan This review is from: Where Is Baby's Belly Button? A Lift-the-Flap Book (Board book) This book is completely misleading. The entire plot revolves around finding Baby's belly button; the title makes this much clear from the beginning. However, there is no mystery. There is no twist. Baby's
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  • 13
    amazon review about A plain-English guide to grammar UK Edition English Grammar DUMMIES FOR Learn to: Get down to basics with the rules of English grammar Improve your writing and verbal communication skills Brush up on your proofreading abilities Improve your academic performance and results is the best book!, May 14, 2005 By Nikolai Krestinsky This review is from: English Grammar For Dummies (Paperback) When i first co
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  • 14
    amazon review about veet Makes my farts sound louder. The hair must have acted as a interlocking silencer.. I give this the big thumbs up. 5/5 FOR MEN GEL CREMA DEPILATORIO PIELES NORMALES RAPIDO Y EFICAZ PARA USO CORPORAL
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  • 15
    amazon review about women's pen This review is from: Bic For Her Medium Ballpoint Pen Black, Box of 12 (Office Product) My husband has never allowed me to write, as he doesn't want me touching mens pens. However when I saw this product, I decided to buy it (using my pocket money) and so far it has been fabulous! Once I had learnt to write, the feminine colour and
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  • 16
    amazon review about banana slicer Saved my marriage What can I say about the 571B Banana Slicer that hasn't already been said about the wheel, penicillin, or the iPhone.... this is one of the greatest inventions of all time My husband and I would argue constantly over who had to cut the day's banana slices. It's one of those chores NO ONE wants to do! You know, the old "I spent the entire day rearing OUR children, maybe YOU can pitch in a little and cut these bananas?" and of course, "You thin
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  • 17
    amazon review about shirt Great compliment for my skin art, May 19, 2009 By overlook1977 Unfortunately I already had this exact picture tattooed on my chest, but this shirt is very useful in colder weather.
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  • 18
    amazon review about penguin mask I wear this mask to sing lullabies to my children ..., 24 May 2015 By Sir Chubs Verified Purchase (What is this?) This review is from: Overhead Rubber Penguin Mask Happy Feet Animal Fancy Dress (Toy) I wear this mask to sing lullabies to my children. They are terrified of the mask. Whenever they protest about their bed time, or ask for too many sweets, I whip on the mask, and they soon know who is the King Penguin.
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  • 19
    amazon review about giant beach ballA fun way to ruin a weekend Sol Coastal 32 and blow 100 bucks. The Beach Behemoth Giant Inflatable 12-Foot By Reid hamlin on February 3, 2018 Pole-to-Pole Beach Ball by Sol Coastal We took this ball to the beach and after close to 2 hours to pump it up, we it around for about 10 fun filled minutes. pushed That was when the wind picked it up and sent it huddling down the beach at about 40 knots. It destroyed every
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  • 20
    amazon review about Liquid Ass by Liquid Ass 3.075 customer reviews 109 answered questions #1 Best Seller in Gags & Practical Joke Toys This spray magically cleaned my house!!!! By Kay on November 20, 2013 Fart Prank Verified Purchase This stuff litterally smells like ass. Bad Ass. Horrible Ass. You need to go to the doctor Ass. Tried it out last night on my boyfriend. Here is a summary of my night: 5pm: Boyfriend on lap
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  • 21
    amazon review about kindle case hoping it'd be crap, her kindle would slip out and electrocute her, 3 July 2015 By Ben Harrison Verified Purchase (What is this?) This review is from: WMA Blue Amazon Kindle Waterproof Case Cover Protective Bag Pouch Got this for the Mother in-law for bath time, hoping it'd be crap, her kindle would slip out and electrocute her. So far, this bloody thing is staying in one piece. Great for waterproof kindling, crap for murder
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  • 22
    amazon review about Lobster Mascot Costume by MaskUS Costumes 4 customer reviews Price: $2,899.99 & FREE Shipping In Stock. Ships from and sold by Ma Ning. 3 new from $1,439.85 Click to open expanded view
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  • 23
    amazon review about lobster costume Don't Go to Red Lobster Wearing This By annstarrr on June 26, 2012 Since I was mistakenly born into a human body, but am actually a lobster ("trans-crustacean"), I knew this item would complete me. $1,699 is much less than the shell-grafting I had been looking into, so I thought l'd try this out. I thought the non-realistic googly eyes would help me bond with my clients (kind of like a live Disney cartoon?). The response from my clients a
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  • 24
    amazon review about lobster costume Definitely worth $ı,700 By ZB on June 11, 2012 I know what you're thinking. Seventeen Benjamins is a bit much for a lobster costume that looks this goofy, not matter how sturdy it is. Think of all the other things you could buy with $1,700. Think of all the starving children you could feed. Think of all the furniture and bills you'll be paying for instead of feeding children with that $1,700 Now think about just how goofy-looking this cos
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  • 25
    amazon review about Sugarless Gummy Bears, 5-Pound Bag by Haribo 341 customer reviews | 37 answered questions Price: $24 52 /s031o
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  • 26
    Oneamazon review about 5-pound bag containing approximately 1080 pieces Fat-free and sugar-free; sweetened ith Lycasin Five real fruit flavors Jewel-like sparkling clear colors An international favorite This product is a sugarless/sugarfree item with ingredients that can cause intestinal distress if eaten in excess 13 new from $21.97 15,657 of 15,888 people found the followin
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  • 27
    amazon review about Patriotic American Flag TANK 63 customer reviews List Price: $49.95 Price: $9.99 $19.95& FREE Returns on som - and colors. Details Size: Select Size Chart Fit: As expected (50%) Color: Red George Washington By on October 10, 2014 Color Name: Red Size Name: Medium Verified Purchase I wasn't ready for this shirt. I bought it for a 4th of July party, thinking it would be a fun gag shirt. Little did I know. I pulled it out of the box and imme
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