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24 Clever Christmas Tweets That'll Fill You With Holiday Cheer

Have a happy and healthy holiday, y'all!

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  • 1
    robotic crab (beep) FIELD CUDE NSECTS @roboticcrab The water pistol that squirts jelly did not belong on the Island of Misfit Toys. Just stop filling him with jelly, you idiots. 10:36 AM · 12 Dec 18 · Twitter for iPhone
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  • 2
    Text - Boog @BoogTweets Imagine finding lists with kids names and addresses in some old guys house titled naughty and nice and not calling the cops 4:16 PM · 19 Dec 18 · Twitter for iPhone
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  • 3
    Text - M@thew @TweetPotato314· 1d the twelve days of christmas is completely unrealistic there is no way that you're still accepting gifts from someone after four days of birds ♡ 34.9K 27 4,586 99
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  • 4
    Text - MehGyver @AndrewNadeau0 · 1d MARY: Well, I just had a baby.. in a barn. So, thanks to everyone who brought gifts. The gold, the perfumes. All things babies love. Also the child who inexplicably played drums, like, right in my face. This..this was great. O 67 17.4K 8 27 3,029
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  • 5
    Text - The Dad BriefsT™ @SladeWent. · 16h v In every marriage there is a person who is excited about decorating for Christmas. There is also a husband. 27 41 127 10
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  • 6
    Text - Sarcastic Mommy @sarcastic.. · 13h v According to my kids' Christmas lists, they think this parenting gig pays pretty well. 27 105 564
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  • 7
    Text - Blah de Vivre @blahdevivre · 3d INTERVIEWER: It says here you can't read ME: thanks what else does it say ♡ 1,560 8 27 410
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  • 8
    Text - merry christmoose @tiemoose [to the tune of mr brightside] now he's making a list and he's checking it twice and he's gonna find out who's been naughty or nice 10:22 AM · 02 Dec 18 30.7K Retweets 105K Likes merry christmoose he sees you when you sleep now knows when you're awake now let it snooo0o0w santa claus is cominnnng he's coming to towwwwn · 2d
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  • 9
    Text - Chad Read @squirrel74wkgn ·17h Stocked up on wrapping paper because I won't find the rolls from last year until I finish wrapping the gifts from this year. 27 86 206 4
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  • 10
    Text - Just Another Steve @C0OLpen.. · 1d 5...GOLDEN...RINGS!!!! Gollum: (chewing on turtle doves) I fuckin' love this song 17 422 2,071
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  • 11
    Text - · 10h Reverend Scott @Reverend_S. Angel: Whatcha makin? God: I call them peanuts. A tasty treat in a protective shell. They're not really a fruit or vegetable. Most people will love to eat them. Angel: That sounds innovative- God: Others will eat them and die Angel: ..is this a prank? 27 262 1,010 8 4
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  • 12
    Sky - When you accidentally click the left stick and go into stealth mode just as a cutscene starts
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  • 13
    Text - Oops!...I Dad It Again @NewDadNotes Wife: pick a Christmas movie to watch. Me: Lord of the Rings. Wife: that's not a Christmas movie. Me: then why does it have elves? Wife: Me: plus Gandalf looks like Low Carb Santa. 10:36 PM · 11 Dec 18 · Twitter for iPhone
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  • 14
    Text - Cat Damon @CornOnTheGoblin all the small things santa claus brings breaks in at night kisses my wife say it ain't so / dash through the snow if you're not nice / then you get coal 11:19 AM · 10 Dec 18 · Twitter for Android
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  • 15
    Text - Missile Toes @SortaBad · 1d [opening presents on the 5th day of christmas] "I'm gonna be real with you Karen if there's more birds in this box I'm leaving you"
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  • 16
    Text - Henpecked Hal @HenpeckedHal · 1d son: and this one? me: also carrots son: I don't like carrots me: I know [how I've kept my 2 year old from opening the family gifts under the tree]
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  • 17
    Text - ZA CK @Mr_Kapowski · 11h The lyrics to the song are actually, "Grandma got run over by a trained deer" It was an inside job
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  • 18
    Text - Chris Scott @iamchrisscott · 23h Mariah Carey beginning with "I don't want a lot for Christmas" and then revealing she wants "you" is such a good burn
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  • 19
    Text - Ken Cheng O @kenchengcome. · 8h v Random guy: die hard is a Christmas movie Everyone: ok sure Guy: what's that? you disagree? want me to provide evidence? Everyone: no we really don't care- Guy: (loading up PowerPoint) OK TIME STAMP 1 MINUTE 37 SECONDS, AS YOU CAN SEE HERE THERE ARE CLEARLY
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  • 20
    Text - Christmas-topher Ashman . · 14 Dec v NURSE: Would you like to see the fetus. ME: *whispering to my wife* That's Latin for feet.
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  • 21
    Text - Jason O @longwall26 · 1d My cat, an idiot: Those ornaments look exactly like my toys. Why can't I play with DENROAS them? Me, pinnacle of animals: That felt frog wearing a top hat is to celebrate The Lord
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  • 22
    Text - eric curtin O @dubstep4dads · 1d parents: a large old man with white hair is going to break into the house while you're sleeping and give you toys kids: oh worddddd
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  • 23
    Text - funflaps @funflaps · 2h 1 horse open sleigh: oh what fun it is to ride 2 horse open sleigh: ooh speedy 4 horse open sleigh: ok scary now 8 horse open sleigh: stop 16 horse open sleigh:
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  • 24
    Text - David Hughes @david8hughes · 3m Carol singers: J silent night J Me: not anymore but go on Carol singers: J holy night J Me, winks at wife: not in this house
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