25 Amusing Tweets In Which God Seems Like The Class Clown

  • 1
    twitter post about god [God making coconuts] ANGEL: Hair on the outside? GOD: Yes ANGEL: Milk on the inside? GOD: Yes ANGEL: So, this is another mammal? GOD: [taking bong rip] Imao, no
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  • 2
    twitter post about god GOD: my latest creation will have the body of an ape, the voice box of a parrot, the skin of a pig, and the intelligence of a dolphin. I call it Human, and it will destroy everything else I've made ANGELS: [confused applause]
  • 3
    twitter post about god |righteoussness god making snails: alright now i need a lil goopman C scotchtapeofficial god makin slugs: haha okay one more but this time naked
  • 4
    twitter post about god [inventing the parrot] HOW ABOUT LIKE A TYE DYE CHICKEN WHO SCREAMS ACTUAL WORDS AT YOU
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  • 5
    twitter post about god Mammoth: [slides $20 across the table] I need you to take out the Dinosaurs. God: [pocketing moneyl how do you want it done? Mammoth: make it look like an accident God: I'll hit em with a rock. Mammoth: what? no I said an accident God: a big ole space rock
  • 6
    twitter post about god God: you can breathe underwater! Fish: nice. God: also eat and drink underwater. Fish: so where do I go to the bathroom? God: Fish: just on the land or something?
  • 7
    twitter post about god GOD: there, my first animal :) SNAKE:youre not done right? How am supposed to move? G:like this shimmies* S: G:just kinda shimmies* S:dude
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  • 8
    twitter post about god [God creating dogs] God: you're man's best friend Dog: Pretty sexist God: No, man as in every -.fuck it. You can't talk. Dog: . God: & chocolate kills you
  • 9
    twitter post about god God: you're gonna be beautiful your whole life. Butterfly: yeah I better be. God: [to Angel] I don't like his attitude make him an ugly hairy worm for half his life.
  • 10
    twitter post about god GOD: actually, scratch that ANGEL: no unicorns... got it GOD: aww, what the hell, put 'em in the ocean [CREATES NARWHALS]
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  • 11
    twitter post about god *creation of the kangaroo* God: Okay so the deer was a big hit let's work off that Angel 1: What if it could carry it's offspring with it for protection God: Okay that's kind of weak Sharon but we'll add it Angel 2: What if it could kick the shit out of you God: There it is
  • 12
    twitter post about god God: what are they doing down there? Angel: they are making milk from almonds God: what?! I gave them, like, 8 animals to get milk from A: they dont like that milk God: [mockingly] tHey DonT LiKe THat miLk *flips a table
  • 13
    twitter post about god [Biblical Times] God: oh shit Angel: what? God: I just realized I've been leaning on the frog button
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  • 14
    twitter post about god adam: [naming the birds] tits god: lol ok but let's take this a little more seriously adam: blue-footed boobies god: you can't name all the birds after boobs adam: [pointing to rooster] cock
  • 15
    twitter post about god [boarding the ark Noah: Name? Bold Eagle: Bold Eagle Hyena, from the back: more like BALD eagle Imao Owls: Imao Noah: Imao *marks down bald eagle*
  • 16
    twitter post about god GOD: 8 ANGEL: 9! GOD: We shouldn't do this drunk ANGEL: 10 lol GOD: 15!! ANGEL *mouthful of pizza* 25 GOD: 30!! CENTIPEDE: *tearing up* stop giving me legs, I look stupid GOD: ONE HUNDRED LOL ANGEL: LMAO
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  • 17
    twitter post about god god: okay tiny animals youre ready to be in the world!!! ants: yipee!! yay!! god: okay lets make the anteater now ants: the what
  • 18
    twitter post about god [God creating the Sun] God: Let's make a giant nuclear powered ball of fire be their main source of heat and light. Angel: Got it, so all life will depend on- God: Also it gives them cancer.
  • 19
    twitter post about god God *giggling*: They are gonna be so tiny. Angel *writing*: ants... tiny... got it. God *suddenly tearing up*: but omg so strong.
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  • 20
    twitter post about god God: You can see and fly in all directions Fly: That's dope! So I'm basically a superhero lol God: We'll call you a fly Fly: Ok... God: But you're really small Fly: Umm... well I guess I could work with tha- God: And you eat shit Fly: The fuck?
  • 21
    twitter post about god God creating a turkey] God: Make it like a shitty brown peacock... Animal technician: Anything else? God: Hang a nut-sack on it's face lol
  • 22
    twitter post about god [God creating the Walrus] GOD: What if a dog bear fish- ANGEL: U mean a seal? GOD: Yea yea. What if one of those fucked a saber tooth tiger?
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  • 23
    twitter post about god [God creating the ocean] GOD: Just put water friggin everywhere. ANGEL: Nice, that way if they're thirsty, they GOD: Make it undrinkable.
  • 24
    twitter post about god [god creating bees] Put a needle on its butt. "Come on God, wha-" Make its puke delicious. "WTF."
  • 25
    twitter post about god God creating spiders] "Make it have 8 legs" Seems excessive but ok "And 8 eyes" You need to calm down a li "Give it a butt rope"


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