23 Creatively Ruthless People Share Their Best Breakup Lines

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mattstaff
Feb 8, 2019 11:00 AM EST

This AskReddit thread took things a different direction in the usual, pickup line-riddled forum, to instead consider the most brutal, creative approaches to cutting things off with someone. The ensuing "breakup lines" are so cutthroat that you might catch yourself laughing, cause you don't know what else to do. 

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  • 01
    Text - thomas_the_plane00 23h Hey baby, are you in a tunnel? Cuz we're breaking up
    via u/alishba00
  • 02
    Text - RedWestern 12h "I think we need to become better strangers." Breaking up Shakespearean style.
    via u/alishba00
  • 03
    Text - Awkward_Dachsund 21h An ex of mine in middle school (so young, naive) called me and said "snap crackle pop bitch you just got dropped" and then hung up, does that count?
    via u/alishba00
  • 04
    Text - TLMoss 21h I'm not gay, but I'll learn
    via u/alishba00
  • 05
    Text - SSquared6493 17h Are you a dollar bill? Cuz you're single
    via u/alishba00
  • 06
    Text - Bob_Loblaw007 12h "I don't know what I'd do without you, but starting tomorrow I'm going to give it a try."
    via u/alishba00
  • 07
    Text - Dan TheFryingPan 10h If you're speaking on Facebook messenger. Her: "knock knock." Him: "Who's there?" Her: "You can no longer." Him: "you can no longer who?" You can no longer send Direct Messages to this person
    via u/alishba00
  • 08
    Text - Awkward_Dachsund 21h An ex of mine in middle school (so young, naive) called me and said "snap crackle pop bitch you just got dropped" and then hung up, does that count?
    via u/alishba00
  • 09
    Text - Victor_HardApple 14h Hey baby, remember how you said that you can't live without me? Well, it's time to get your affairs in order..
    via u/alishba00
  • 10
    Text - Owlmoose 22h Girl, have we both been rendered sightless? Because we ain't seeing each other anymore
    via u/alishba00
  • 11
    Text - Ukombozi 16h Of all the girls I have dated, you are definitely one of them.
    via u/alishba00
  • 12
    Text - urbandeadthrowaway2 21h Hey, did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Because honestly, Karen, you are a demon.
    via u/alishba00
  • 13
    Text - Vorfahrt 22h "Sorry Stacy, it's just that I like your mum better"
    via u/alishba00
  • 14
    Text - BrandonHawes13 13h My friend went through a phase where he up with ideas like this for a while and my favourite was his plan to get her a box of donuts and when she opened them on the inside it would say we're breaking up or something and then he would slap the box out of her hands and say "sucks donit?" And walk away.
    via u/alishba00
  • 15
    Text - Owlmoose 22h We must be a cast on a spiral fracture, girl. Because we're on a serious break
    via u/alishba00
  • 16
    Text - StupidSTUPIDLogin 22h "Look! That's my ex's house!!" "But...that's my house..." "I know! Bye, bitch!"
    via u/alishba00
  • 17
    Text - glip_glop_the_great 14h We should cover more ground if we split up
    via u/alishba00
  • 18
    Text - TheRealPascha 18h Honey, I need you to cancel my subscription. I'm done with your issues.
    via u/alishba00
  • 19
    Text - 22h captainmagictrousers "Hey baby, is your name Delta? Because I've spent the last forty-five minutes waiting for you to take off."
    via u/alishba00
  • 20
    Text - BroccoliManChild 22h "You look like my future ex wife" It works both as a pickup line and a breakup line, depending on the stage of the relationship
    via u/alishba00
  • 21
    Text - TheDerpyDisaster 12h Are you a New Years resolution? Because we stopped working out after the first two weeks
    via u/alishba00
  • 22
    Text - F_Boas 19h Girl you must be Hunter S. Thompson because I'm Gonzo!
    via u/alishba00
  • 23
    Text - SpaceCase183 16h The best one l ever heard was from a hippy chick way back in the day. If not exactly, it was really close to "I'm just a butterfly. I was then and am now. I just need to be free. Need my freedom." Fly away little butterfly. It was funny to see you on a mugshots website 30 years later. Still living free I guess... oh, you're incarcerated.
    via u/alishba00

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askreddit relationships breakup brutal ruthless dating
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