25 Textual Tidbits That'll Give You A Light Chuckle

Author image for Ada Elder
Ada Elder
Mar 1, 2019 7:00 PM EST

Do you know how to read? Awesome! Now you can actually enjoy these tweets and Tumblr tidbits. It's nice to remember that there are people out there with a sense of humor.

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  • 01
    Text - milty @themiltron [god creating jellyfish] how bout an evil bag 12/26/15, 1:46 AM 11.5K RETWEETS 18.4K LIKES
    via ZombeyHepburn
  • 02
    Text - James Breakwel eXplodingUnicorn Follow Daycare lady: *notices 3-year-old's shirt is on backward* It's cute how you let her dress herself. Me: Yes. She did that. RETWEETS LIKES 539 1,577 6:11 AM-22 Oct 2015
    via ZombeyHepburn
  • 03
    Text - Probability The Rapper @random_weighs Just so we're clear, The Grinch never really hated Christmas. He hated people, which is fair. 11/24/17, 7:41 PM
    via ZombeyHepburn
  • 04
    Text - Bob Vulfov @bobvulfov [crime scene photographer taking photos of a brutal triple homicide] DETECTIVE: ok now lets doa silly one 28/12/2015, 4:18 a.m.
    via ZombeyHepburn
  • 05
    Text - John McKay @archymck @TheBloggess On a trip, saw some baby horses, could not think of the word foal, finally shouted "horse kittens" and pointed. Wife understood 12:10 AM - 2 Nov 2015 1,174 2,199
    via ZombeyHepburn
  • 06
    Text - Anxiety: THIS IS TOO MUCH!!! What is too much? Me: Anxiety: THIS I am literally sitting at home doing nothing. My only Me obligation this evening is to take out the trash. Work went well today. What exactly is the problem???? Anxiety: EVERYTHING IS HAPPENING ALL AT ONCE But nothing is happening? Me: Anxiety: TOO MUCH
    via ZombeyHepburn
  • 07
    Text - Ellen. @_TheMelonLord_ at pet store* Cashier: Can I help you with anything? Me: *slaps bag of bird seed* How long does it take this shit to grow into birds? 5/22/17, 02:07
    via ZombeyHepburn
  • 08
    Text - Scones Mortensen im not Mayonnais @ThingsJackDigs *cop pulls me over* COP: please blow into this, sir ME: *plays trumpet perfectly* COP: okay you're definitely sober and way cool 3:15 PM 16 Jul 15
    via ZombeyHepburn
  • 09
    Text - Tweet tYou Retweeted Jason Lastname @JasonLastname You might see punching bags are even better hugging bags if you'd just calm down for a second. 10/25/14, 2:33 PM
    via ZombeyHepburn
  • 10
    Text - keet @KeetPotato ordering cake over phone] "and what would you like the cake to say?" covers phone to ask wife] "do we want a talking cake?"
    via ZombeyHepburn
  • 11
    Text - Doug McFarland Follow @DougieFresh792 I'm 22 years old and I still can't figure out what to say when you're in a public bathroom and someone knocks on the door 12:18 PM- 19 Sep 2017 6 Retweets 43 Likes
    via ZombeyHepburn
  • 12
    Text - swarnpert male country artists: i love my truck and my beers female country artists: i am going to kill my husband
    via ZombeyHepburn
  • 13
    Text - unjolras: my body isnt a temple my body is a castle with a moat and crocodiles and a dragon who will set you on fire if you touch me 489,043 notes
    via ZombeyHepburn
  • 14
    Face - 4D HasNoChill @NoChill4D Whose role is it too cook in a relationship the guy or the girl? BlacB @BlacB the hungry one
    via ZombeyHepburn
  • 15
    Text - Stinky Green @StinkyGr33n *Creating bees* God: Make them highly beneficial to the ecosystem. Angel: Sure thing, boss. God: Give 'em the greatest knees of all time 11/03/2017, 21:19 1,554 Retweets 2,637 Likes
    via ZombeyHepburn
  • 16
    Text - writing-prompt-s You walk in a room to find that the only way to escape is by writing a name of a real person on a piece of paper. This will kill that person. ilovett "Ma'am, ma'am, you only need to write one name" zznorlax "Sir! Stop that! I said stop! You can't write your own name!" Source: writing-prompt-s 13,773 notes VIA LOL PICS
    via ZombeyHepburn
  • 17
    Text - Kalvin Following @KalvinMacleod Welcome to Sexual Innuendo Club. Thank you all for coming
    via ZombeyHepburn
  • 18
    Text - Eden Dranger @Eden_Eats SECURITY GUARD: You can't bring outside food in here. ME: This is a service burrito.
    via ZombeyHepburn
  • 19
    Text - yabkat @ohen39 wife: I just got stung by a jellyfish. quick, pee on it me: [peeing on jellyfish] this is for stinging my wife 1:51 pm 25 Oct. 17 40.5K Retweets 139K Likes
    via ZombeyHepburn
  • 20
    Text - "we need to talk later" first of all, i have anxiety. tell me now
    via ZombeyHepburn
  • 21
    Text - Jake Lauer @hellocontrol At Amazon HQ: designer: "guys, what do men want as gifts?" guy 1: "box" guy 2: "sheet" guy 3: "egg" Gift guide for him amazon E X C LUSIVES 4:45 PM 05 Dec 17
    via ZombeyHepburn
  • 22
    Text - Chase Mitchell Follow @ChaseMit Scientists say men who drink beer daily reduce their risk of heart attack. As for livers, scientists said "fuck livers" and then high-fived. 6:28 PM 28 Mar 2012 t 2,363 1,315
    via ZombeyHepburn
  • 23
    Text - wilwheaton bookoisseur Source: slussy slussy: Frankenstein enters into a body building competition and finds he has seriously misunderstood the objective 428,511 notes
    via ZombeyHepburn
  • 24
    Text - Jacy Catlin @ieatanddrink Follow I used to thinkI could control ducks with my mind but it turns out ducks & I just have very similar ideas about what stuff ducks should do RETWEETS LIKES 30 5,794 13,012 4:02 AM-15 Mar 2016 17
    via ZombeyHepburn
  • 25
    Text - betray us sonicthehodgeheg Source:twitter.com Matt Roller Follow @rolldiggity ME: "Trick or bear?" NEIGHBOR: "Bear?" ME: "HE HAS CHOSEN THE BEAR!" [distant roar and sounds of clanking chains] www FAVORITES RETWEETS 83 115 11:03 AM-31 Oct 2014 181,536 notes
    via ZombeyHepburn

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