After a particularly harrowing breakup, complete with bedridden depression and eyes so red from crying you should be drug-tested, people will try to comfort you by saying things like "I'm so sorry" and "Time heals all wounds." These people are absolute suckers. They should know that the only way to get over a breakup is by getting even a la Carrie Underwood or by indulging in a crap load of spiteful,sassy memes about the people who have so cruelly wasted our time.