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16 Hilarious Tumblr Family Stories Filled to the Brim with Dadisms

If you came here to here about brothers who fart on you, sisters who also fart on you, loud grandpa sneezes and abysmally terrific dad jokes, then you came to the right place. It's kinda wholesome, but also kind of realistically stupid and gross. If you're in it for the puns, here are some of tumblr's most punishingly dad-tastic jokes.

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  • 1
    jackifer proudlyawkward Follow Green Tea NDiCHG Reese Re Snack ele's PEAN cafemusaiin: samsvirtuallife positlvedreamer cafemusain: i gave my grandma two dollars to get me "an arizona tea and a package of reese's" and she brought me this and gave me my money back this perfectly describes grandmas my grandma would have given me a five and thrown in a new pair of shoes too i'm sorry i wasn't aware that this was the goddamn grandma olympics 593,318 notes Arizona
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  • 2
    Text - arollercoasterthatonlygoesup motherfxckingfox Follow winxhesters: potato-tots: secretlifeofageekygirl: hugstyles: why couldn't i be born with an older brother who is my best friend and has hot friends that flirt with me and drives me places like mcdonalds when im sad and punches rude boys in the face for me. My brother once sat on me and farted until passed out my brother duct taped me to a treadmill and turned it to the highest setting once when I was four my brother locked me in a ferre
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  • 3
    Text - icarly-official crrocs Follow morarana: Omg I was talking to my dad and I went "omg I haven't shaved my legs for 2 weeks" and then his face just dropped like he'd seen a ghost and he gasped then looked at me and whispered "I completely forgot to shave my legs for 41 years" 239,514 notes
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  • 4
    Text - fake-mermaid guccier Follow the-vashta-nerada i've got some kind of allergic reaction going on and my face is breaking out in a bad rash and my mom is freaking out and wants to take me to the ER and my dad was like "let's not make any rash decisions" and we high fived and now my mom is yelling at us 333,524 notes
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  • 5
    Text - Follow duns-for-hands so me and my siblings (theres 3 of us) were eating dinner with my dad and we were talking about dad jokes and all of a sudden my dad goes "ive only made 3 jokes in my life and theyre all sitting in front of me" thats it the dad joke to end all dad jokes #oh #dad jokes 323,937 notes
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  • 6
    Text - slytheringsnake: my sister just tried to ask me if i wanted to go to bed but instead it came out "Do you need to use the sleep?" and then she just kinda looked really horrified at herself and whispered "Maybe i need to use the sleep"
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  • 7
    Text - Follow dearestkanaya one time i forced my mom to play pokemon for at least half an hour and all she did was catch a butterfree and name it lowfat #LOL #shut up olive 444,231 notes
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  • 8
    Text - hayberry garlicwhisper Follow butihaveto1: this-ship-will-never-sink leedsandlarry leedsandlarry i just heard the most intense scream in my kitchen so i got up to see what was wrong and my 11 year old sister was on the floor cuddling a bag of potato chips and i said dude whats wrong and she yelled "THEYRE STALE. WHY DOES THE WOLRD HATE ME? I HAVE DONE NOTHING TO DESERVE THIS is that a watermelon on the floor no its her sister omg dont be so rude 151,906 notes
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  • 9
    Text - meladoodle Follow last christmas we bought a fake christmas tree and the guy behind the counter said to my dad 'are you going to put it up yourself?" and my dad said 'dont be disgusting... im going to put it in the living room #dad #dumb 276,730 notes
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  • 10
    Text - ickno crunchwrapsuprerne Follow jinxley: my 10 year old sister got a bad burn on her hands and in the midst of her crying in pain she places them over my heart and goes "ahh so nice and cold" 241,204 notes
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  • 11
    Text - annalaman mea-aloha Follow Idk my relationship with my siblings is always either "yo I'll help you hide the body" or "do not even breathe in my direction" there is no in between. 416,313 notes
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  • 12
    Text - fake-mermaid nugget-lover Follow wanktissue: my youngest sister got detention and a letter home because a boy said to her "girls don't fart" so she sat on him and farted i'm actually dying 263,552 notes
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  • 13
    Font - Follow shelleythesnail this soletsfreefall: SO I WENT TO CHECK ON MY SISTER IN THE BATH AND LONG STORY SHORT I'M NOT LEAVING HER ALONE IN THE BATH ANYMORE 113,649 notes
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  • 14
    Text - postllimit Follow i just heard my mom yelling "YOU MOTHER ***** and i was worried my parents were having a fight so i went downstairs to check it out but when i got there my dad was just giggling hysterically and all i could see was a pile of uno cards with a +4 card at the top #it's a good thing that my brother is asleep lamp #waiting up for my uncle to come in 106,432 notes
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  • 15
    Design - roachpatrolrainbowbarnacle Follow rainbowbarnacle: xploren: My cousin, ashamed after building a chair from IKEA. Oh god I feel terrible for cackling at this. Help every time I stop laughing I just look at that ft d up chair again 481,787 notes
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  • 16
    Text - morningdrunkmaude ikilledmydadonce Follow israelkay: thegirlwiththeneonhair riley-coyote: officialprostitute: why do dads sneeze so loud #to scare predators away from their young My dad sneezed so violently once that he hit his head on his desk and almost knocked himself out My grandfather sneezed so intensely the couch broke underneath him. 848,685 notes
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