Terrible and Wonderful Puns Worthy Of Any Dad

Author image for Eric Lund
Eric Lund
Sep 11, 2019 5:00 PM EDT

Listen, we know dad jokes aren't exactly high comedy, but sometimes you hear one at it just gets you, ya know? Sometimes we're just in the mood for puns and literal humor, and right now would be one of those times. So start up that lawnmower, get on those grass-stained sneakers, and roll on in to dad-town.

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  • 01
    Vacation - I took part in the sun tanning Olympic... Cbut l-only got bronze
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  • 02
    Horse - A horse walks into a bar... The bartender says "Hey The horse replies, "Sure
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  • 03
    Text - A man walks into a lawyer's office and asks, Howmuch do you charge? The lawyer says, "$5,000 for three questions Wow, that's pretty expensive, isn't it?" the man asks Yes," says the lawyer. "Now, what's your third question?" de
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  • 04
    Dish - Apparently yourcan t use "beef Stew as a password It's not stroganoff
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  • 05
    Wildlife - Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? Of course! The Empire State Building can'tjump
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  • 06
    Text - George Clooney, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Matthew McConaughey get together to make a movie. Clooney says, "I'l direct." DiCaprio says, "I'll act." McConaughey says, "Tll write, I'll write, I'll write " m
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  • 07
    Astronaut - How does NASA organize a party? They planet S121E06583
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  • 08
    Text - 1 googled "Rorshach test." But all that came up were pictures of my parents fighting.
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  • 09
    Text - I submitted 10 puns to a joke-writing competition to see if any of them made the finals. Sadly, no pun in ten did.
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  • 10
    Winter - lf you ever get cold, stand in the corner of a room for a while They're usually 90 degrees
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  • 11
    Natural foods - If you have 1O apples in one hand and 14 oranges in the other, what do you have? Really, really big hands.
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  • 12
    Food - Murphy's Law says that anything that can go wrong, will go wrong Cole's Law is thinly sliced cabbage
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  • 13
    Text - Ja Not only is mynew thesaurus l, alh afthasalso terrible galata
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  • 14
    Beak - What did the duck say when it bought lipstick? "Put it on my bill."
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  • 15
    Airplane - What do we want? Low-flying airplane noises When do we want them? NNNNNEEEEOO000Owwwwww W!
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  • 16
    Cartoon - What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common? NNY HO Same middle name.
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  • 17
    Mammal - Whatdo you call two monkeys that share an Amazon account? Prime mates.
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  • 18
    Organism - What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down? It gets toad away.
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  • 19
    Flag - What's the best thing about Switzerland? I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.
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  • 20
    Snout - What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter
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terrible jokes bad jokes puns funny stupid not funny
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