Seventy-Seven r/WhitePeopleTwitter screenshots worth laughing at

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FightMilk22
Dec 11, 2019 4:08 AM EST

Yes, yes, yes. These are the tweets you are looking for.

Or perhaps these r/WhitePeopleTwitter posts from like 2018 will cure that nostalgic itch.

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  • 01
    Text - Halle Tecco @halletecco How to build a 1 trillion dollar company:
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 02
    Text - 17 keet O Retweeted Nathan Usher @thenatewolf *At a party* STRANGER: Are you that guy who brags about weird shit? ME: No I'm the guy who takes the longest baths in the city. 10/06/2017, 01:06 3,196 RETWEETS 11.4K LIKES
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 03
    Text - go_f1sh @g0_f1sh A colleague has just been fired from work and someone else put their hand up and asked how it would affect the Secret Santa
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 04
    Text - Justin Staggs O @Staggfilms The reason why the sexy nurse fantasy is such a turn-on for a lot of dudes is you're also subconsciously imagining you have good healthcare coverage. 11:55 AM · 02 Dec 19 · Twitter for iPhone
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 05
    Text - ul AT&T @785% 8:21 AM Tweet t3 Sie Liebt Dich, Yeah Yeah Yeah! Retweeted actually not hayden @ActuallynHayden Male puberty -Chest hair -get taller -bigger muscles -deeper voice Female puberty -periods -sadness -texts from drake 3:00 AM 12/3/19 Twitter for iPhone 33 Retweets 167 Likes Tweet your reply
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 06
    Text - Boosh @whatsupboosh Dating a horse girl pros: -she's great on top -rich family -free oats Cons: -if you sprain an ankle she'll shoot you 5:55 PM 12/3/19 · Twitter for iPhone
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 07
    Text - Ryan Schumaker @YesThislsRyan I watched The Irishman with my parents. My dad was silent the whole time except when De Niro's truck broke down and he said, "must be the transmission." He didn't say anything else for the rest of the movie 10:21 AM · 12/2/19 · Twitter for iPhone
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 08
    Text - rocket @tweetsbyrocket me: tell my gf i love her murderer: [sighs] write her number down me: ok but text, she hates talking on the phone murderer: oh for sure, same 6:09 AM - 8/29/19 · Twitter for Android 3,508 Retweets 26K Likes YuriannaM @YuriannaM 2d Replying to @tweetsbyrocket I know this is hypothetical, but consider not giving your girlfriend's phone number to a murderer if it comes up IRL 2716 386 rocket @tweetsbyrocket - 2d that is very good advice i'll bear in mind next time im b
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 09
    Text - stink floyd @see_em_play_ worst part of sex positivity culture is people thinking it's woke to force everybody else into their sex lives. i do not want to see, hear, hear about, or be made to think about you having sex, please fuck off
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 10
    Text - Austin @TheBrotographer the only time you're allowed to condescendingly lament the younger generation's lack of encyclopedic knowledge of rock music is if you're a fraudulent substitute teacher who plans a grand scheme to teach them to shred and secretly enter them into a battle of the bands 4:25 PM · 02 Dec 19 · Twitter Web App 14.2K Retweets 63K Likes
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 11
    Text - Quackity @QuackityHQ 2000 was 20 years ago which is really weird because 1980 was also 20 years ago 1:37 PM · Dec 5, 2019 · Twitter for Android 445 Retweets 4.9K Likes
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 12
    Text - alexa @playnikes guy at the nike store asked me if any of their "athletes" helped me out today. calm down
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 13
    Text - james nielssen @LilYeetX bro you remember being like 8 no phone no mp3 player completely unprepared just showing up to school with a lunchable like fuck it whatever happens to me today happens
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 14
    Text - sara without an h @SaraHeinecke94 The plagiarism section of the syllabus is the same for every class, almost as if it was copied..&.pasted???
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 15
    Text - search brayden bauer on spotify @im_your_density age milestones in america: 1- nice you're an entire number 10 - ayy double digits 18 - go vote! 21 - go drink! 26 - go get your own health insurance! 30 - ? 45 - sure get that corvette that'll fix your broken marriage 55 - here's a discount at denny's you ancient piece a shit
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 16
    Text - common sad girl @sadgirlkms • Feb 19 does anyone remember when lol meant "laughing out loud" instead of "this is to indicate that this brief text isnt hostile"
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 17
    Canidae - laurenn @laurenncarterr Took my dogs to take their yearly christmas photos. It's really hard when you have one super photogenic dog and one dog having an existential crisis. 8:24 PM Dec 6, 2019 · Twitter for iPhone
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 18
    Face - January 2017 vs September 2018 @Spearrz mf turned into Billy from stranger things Dacre Kayd Montgomery @DacreMontgomery @therecoveringproblemchild Don't you dare disrespect me like that
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 19
    Text - O steph @eff_yeah_steph My kid had a sleepover and in the morning I offered to make waffles, but the friend said they couldn't eat gluten or sugar or dairy, so I offered scrambled eggs and this kid goes..."Do you have duck eggs?" Um. I'm sorry child this is not Scotland 1745, it's my house. 6:13 PM · 12/6/19 · Twitter for iPhone
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 20
    Text - Henpecked Hal @HenpeckedHal Today my carelessness made someone late for work. He could lose his job, his home. Sir, if you're reading this, I can't replace the extra .74 seconds you sat at that green light, but your honk--still echoing in my soul--serves as a harsh reminder that my actions have consequences
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 21
    Media - Damien Owens @OwensDamien As long as I live, I will never understand how this alone wasn't the end of it. CNN Tuesday UMP UNDER FIRE TRUMP MOCKS REPORTER WITH DISABILITY CAN Donald Trump (R) Presidential Candidate S:49 PHPT AC360
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 22
    Text - princess @metayamarkley Why did high school teachers always make college professors sound so strict & scary when in reality they're like, "What's up, you can call me Andy, Tillegally downloaded the text book if you need it & I also have a gambling problem."
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 23
    Text - Dana Schwartz O @DanaSchwartzzz Kids putting their teeth under their pillows is the most occultist shit in the world. Yes, child, put the discarded bone under your pillow. if you are lucky the tiny demon will come and make her purchase. Sell your bones for riches, my child, your youth will be spent soon.
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 24
    Text - Tony Hawk O @tonyhawk Flight attendant checking overhead bins, sees four skateboards Him, jokingly: "is Tony Hawk on this flight or something?" Looks down, sees me Him: "I guess he is" 3:31 PM - 13 Jul 2018
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 25
    Text - Barny ** @Barny white girls be like ew gross computer games haha swords and magic is lame anyway here's my healing crystal collection like bitch wtf you're larping final fantasy 9:05 AM 2/9/19 Twitter Web Client 333 Retweets 1,655 Likes
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 26
    Text - Kelen Keller @Kelenkeller38 Guys in big trucks only tailgate you aggressively because they're in a rush to get home and kiss their dad on the lips
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 27
    Text - Kennedy Richey @kennedyrichey Saw a fit girl waiting in line at Panera and I was like wow, I'm gonna be fit one day.. Then she got an apple on the side instead of a baguette and I knew the fit life would never be the life for me.
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 28
    Standing - First day to school and first day to school as a teacher. wasdzxc 5h You either die a hero, or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 29
    Text - Levi @Levi_Pasma3 What if your debit/credit card had a yearly wrap up like Spotify. "You bought 243 Crunchwrap supremes in 2019" "You frequented Taco Bell at 2 a.m." "You spent $753 on coffee this year" 9:41 AM - 12/5/19 · Twitter for iPhone 1,820 Retweets 13.7K Likes
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 30
    Text - kleo mcq @kleo_patraa Pretty sure I just received the best fake ID of my bartending career; a girl handed me my missing license from 2 @kalesaladquotes years ago 5/8/18, 7:25 PM
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 31
    Text - meg My favorite college memory was accidentally skipping class on the first Monday of deer season freshman year because I legitimately thought that was a national holiday that meant no school and didn't realize I just went to a yeehaw high school @CloydRivers,
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 32
    Text - Daniel Finkelstein PINNER @Dannythefink My friend was in an airport lounge when a man came in and said "is there an economist in this lounge?" My friend, startled but pleased, announced proudly: "Actually yes I'm an economist". The man gave him an odd look and said: "...the magazine".
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 33
    Text - 12:01 Thread 23 Bret™ Retweeted cian maher @cianmaher0 VANS date: so what do you do me: *holding up menu* you just choose a meal from this book of food 5:50 PM · 12/5/19 · Twitter for Android 11K Retweets 62.5K Likes
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 34
    Text - il Verizon @ 1 85% 9:48 AM Tweet Retweeted I saw a girl post her Spotify top artists on her Instagram story with the caption "so accurate". Like yeah it's accurate... it's literally data 9:45 AM · 12/5/19 from Manhattan, NY Twitter for iPhone 25.5K Retweets 203K Likes
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 35
    Text - my $5000 oscilloscope can't connect to the network because a wifi-enabled lightbulb stole its fixed IP address. the future is fucking stupid 11:15 AM - 10/5/19 · TweetDeck
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 36
    Text - Claire Dayton @idreamofpunk Nurse: you scored a 25/27 on your mental health questionnaire. Me: so that means l'm good at mental health, right? *Crisis Counselor enters room* Me: ah, beans. <>
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 37
    Text - Simon Holland @simoncholland Are we sure the wise men who brought frankincense and myrrh weren't just trying to sign Mary up for their essential oils pyramid scheme?
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 38
    Text - Matty Be Rad @MattyBeRad If you go bankrupt you're allowed to not pay your employees. If you go bankrupt you still have to pay student loans. Almost like the laws exist to protect the capitalist class. 10:58 PM 05 Dec 19 · Twitter for Android 291 Retweets 829 Likes
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 39
    Text - Nathan Odom @NathanOdom11 I'm thankful for the Foo Fighters because l've never felt threatened by a foo and that means they're doing a heck of a job on the frontlines 9:45 PM 12/2/19 Twitter for iPhone 569 Retweets 2,380 Likes
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 40
    Text - david ehrlich @davidehrlich my only advice is to marry someone who likes to leave parties at the same time that you do.
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 41
    Text - hannah @hannahfallshand NDIANA going to school inbetween thanksgiving and christmas break feels like the last lap in mario kart where the music is all fast and gets really stressful
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 42
    Text - EmotionallyBoujee @EmotionallyBou1 Emotimally Banjen Organs: Fruit please! Me: Gets out strawberries Organs: O Me: Places strawberries in blender, adds ice, and a half a 5th of tequila Organs: Hey! Me: Ayyyy!
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 43
    Text - Follow @yerbathot Why the fuck would it be necessary to make sleeping in your car illegal??? Why do we have to torture poor people 6:59 AM - 30 Jul 2019 2,251 Retweets 13,463 Likes gas-station-dick-pill-official Actually it has to do with property and liability. All landowners including parking lots, malls and other often empty spaces at night work very hard to make sure they don't get sued by lazy people doing drugs in their cars looking to sue for perceived damages and or devalue their
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 44
    Text - gabrielle @gabmcmahon My first college test I got a 68 and actually cried in the classroom. Today I got a 52 on an exam and | took myself out for chicken tenders
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 45
    Text - haley @haleyflynnstead girl i babysit: I wanna be tall and skinny when I grow up me, realizing the damage society does on young girls but too tired to correct her: me too girl: like abraham lincoln
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 46
    Text - amelia elizalde @ameliaelizalde still thinking about a reddit post where a guy asked for help making conversation in group settings and someone told him to "stay silent and chime in with the occasional 'hell yeah"
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 47
    Text - Donald J. Trump O @realDonaldTru. · 8h THANK YOU! #MAGAE 5290 APPROVAL RATING (Rasmussen) Rasmussen Reports 10.8K 17 19.5K 84.2K Twix_The_Dad @twix_the_dad · 12s Imagine boasting about getting an F on your U.S. government test. ili
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 48
    Text - Beyonce has an uncle named Larry ... @DragonflyJonez Cool thing about Mandalorian is it's Disney so you know nothing bad is gonna happen to Baby Yoda. HBO might've put that adorable fucker thru a wood chipper.
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 49
    Text - khaleesiana @cleopatrasoul6 a male counterpart told me he was making $10,000 more than me a year for the same job. he then helped me prepare to ask for a salary increase. I got it. had we not discussed our salaries, I would have never known. not discussing salaries only benefits the employer.
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 50
    Text - Spencer @SpencerHH · 2d Does Peloton losing $942,000,000 dollars in value because a bunch a people on the internet made fun of a tv commercial kinda make anyone else think that maybe our financial system is just a huge fucking confidence game with made up numbers that got outta hand? 27 9,499 70.4K 802
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 51
    Text - Hurricane Helms @ShaneHelmsCom If someone is wearing headphones, it doesn't mean that they don't want to talk to you specifically. It means that they don't want to talk to anyone, and that however, includes you. 10:07 am · 02 Dec. 19 · Tweetbot for iOS
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 52
    Text - Ryan Schumaker @YesThislsRyan I watched The Irishman with my parents. My dad was silent the whole time except when De Niro's truck broke down and he said, "must be the transmission." He didn't say anything else for the rest of the movie 10:21 AM - 12/2/19 · Twitter for iPhone
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 53
    Text - Andy Richter O @AndyRichter Every dog that you've ever seen riding in a car had absolutely no idea where it was going. Imagine living like that.
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 54
    Text - Bipolar Bear @BipolarBearDick I created a PornHub account just so l could write this in the comments on every video: "I don't understand why you are doing this. Your mother and I love you very much and just want you to come home."
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 55
    Text - Leonard Pierce @leonardpierce Look folks if the cops hadn't opened fire during rush hour traffic and killed four people, the criminals might have gotten away with stolen goods in their huge, slow-moving, poorly maneuvering, easily identified vehicle that was already being tracked by GPS and helicopters and th
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 56
    Text - James Colley @JamColley Clicked on 'make a reservation' on a restaurant's page and it opened facetime and started calling them. I cannot stress enough how much I do not want that to happen. 7:36 PM · 30 Sep 19· TweetDeck
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 57
    Text - do not quote tweet or @ me please @BrandyBeansH Woman in my office is going through a breakup and the work guys chat was trying to think of something nice to do for her and one of the guys, very sincerely, said "women like mac and cheese, right? maybe we can do something with that?" Imfao
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 58
    Text - heterosexual culture @madsHQ ale as an aside, i went to see my bf do a live show of his podcast last night and asked the man on the door to let me in backstage and he was like "how do i know he's really your bf" SORRY???? in what world would i LIE about having a PODCASTER for a boyfriend??? 13:32 · 04 Dec 19 · Twitter for iPhone
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 59
    Text - Mike Wells @mikewtfwells My girlfriend said "women are difficult sometimes", I agreed and now we're arguing.
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 60
    Text - Tay @taywildbro Get in loser we're driving around the rich neighborhoods and looking at their Christmas lights
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 61
    Text - Roxi Horror @roxiqt Ocean pollution is a huge problem but there is an obvious solution. Raccoons love to eat garbage. Therefore, if we trained a raccoon navy, they'd be able to go out into the sea & eat the ocean garbage. I don't see how this plan could go wrong. We should also give them swords.
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 62
    Text - Rodney Lacroix @RodLacroix Me: Go back to bed, you have a 90- minute school delay because of bad road conditions. Kids: Then why are you leaving? Me: Work doesn't care if you die. 11:44 AM · 12/2/19 · Twitter Web App
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 63
    Dinosaur - Dad O @fivefifths 37m "Survival of the fittest" is clearly a lie because no way this bad boy ain't dominating every era boqor riya @hausofriya 27. There used to be a type of crocodile that was able to gallop. Show this thread 27 131 14 461 Dad O @fivefifths · 36m What you doing when a cheetagator pull up O 14 27 27 220
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 64
    Text - Megan Beachy @beachy_megan Why do people run from the rain but yet dance in the shower? Natasha The Ways In Witch Slayer... @NatashaOladokun Consent
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 65
    Text - David Atkins @DavidOAtkins If you told a person in the 1950s that in 2020 housing would cost over 50% of income, college would take a lifetime to repay, families could barely make do even with mom working, we were locked in endless wars, & govt was paralyzed by crisis? They'd assume we lost the Cold War. 6:22 PM 05 Sep 19 Twitter for Android
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 66
    Text - Isabel Steckel @lsabelSteckel have u ever had a day that beat ur ass so hard that you put in your headphones but forget to play music and just ride the subway home in silence reflecting
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 67
    Text - phil @PhilJamesson sure, i am tired. sure, i could go to bed. but who wins if i do that? me? fuck that guy
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 68
    Text - Dayna McAlpine @daynamcalpine_ a girl in the coffee shop i'm working from has just said to her friend 'imagine a hot veg smoothie' and i'm wondering how to break it to her that soup exists
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 69
    Text - Funk doctor @FU_TangClan When my wife (who's shy af) first met my extended family we had a big dinner with about 14 people. At the end of the meal I said "to say thanks she'd love to sing for you all". Everyone went silent and stared at her and she still hasn't forgiven me 9 years later 15:58 · 29/11/2019 · Twitter for iPhone
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 70
    Text - stephen harper (is coming home) @stephenaharper imagine how fucking angry the rat that controls gordon ramsey must be all the time 2:34 pm · 08 Jul 18 60.8K Retweets 214K Likes
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 71
    Text - Matt @matttomic It's a good thing we named most of the dinosaurs like a hundred years ago when all we were into was mythology and speaking Latin, if they just learned about dinosaurs now and had to name 100s there'd be a Heckin Chonkosaurus and a Northern Thicc Scaleyboy 5:00 AM · 12/3/19 from Toronto, Ontario Twitter for Android 1,853 Retweets 6,226 Likes
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 72
    Text - David Hughes @david8hughes A girl I worked with announced she's getting married, no doubt expecting a wave of cheering & congratulations but it was met with recently divorced Laura from the back of the office saying, "That's fucking stupid."
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 73
    Clothing - $10,000,000 to never listen to any Beyonce song ever again. Are you taking the offer?? kae @ImLegalDope_ so 10MS to live how i live currently
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 74
    Text - Cydni Beer @cydbeer My husband almost fell down the stairs and now we are in a heated debate as to whether my gasp was out of fear for his safety or excitement about a possible life insurance payout.
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 75
    Text - Ky @_kylandia someone said that your customer service voice is just baby talk for boomers andi can't get over that
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 76
    Text - Official Ted Kaczynski VEVO @nachdermas when i was 22, my father, stumbling drunk and suicidal, fell and hit his head. he died instantly. that's when i realized, in the midst of my grief, how much i love beef stew. for this recipe, you'll need a slow cooker, 20:06 · 02 Dec 19 · Twitter for iPhone
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter
  • 77
    Text - Alex @burnedflag My dad told me Santa wasn't real when I was 10. Well jokes on him because lI'm at the mall right now and guess who's ing here
    via r/WhitePeopleTwitter/

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