CHEEZBURGERZ_18_18

If someone says "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me" don't throw a...

(In the living room about 15 minutes before Thanksgiving Dinner with 20 family members and Grandma.) Gram: I think somebody farted. Younger Brother: You know what they say Gram, they who smelled it, dealt it. Gram: (laughs) That's true. (*Pause*) Gram; No, I was wrong, somebody's crapped themselves.

When you are headed to a job interview and its snowing, bring boots. Do not try to climb up the icy parking lot hill to the building in 4 inch heels. You will face plant into a minivan with terrified children inside. #LFMF

Always check that the bathroom has toilet paper before using it if you are home alone. Also be sure to check that it isnt time for your bf to arrive home when you waddle to the closet with your pants around your ankles. #LFMF

I just learned today that my friend is reading the new book by Snooki and sees nothing wrong with it. I need new friends. #LFMF

When the teacher is not in the room and the class phone starts ringing, never answer "County morgue, you kill em, we freeze em". The person will hang up. #LFMF

Never, while taking calls for a plastic surgery clinic, giggle when a woman schedules an appointment to get her husbands "man breasts" reduced. You may lose your job. #LFMF